The Solitary Reaper...

Alone he cuts and binds the grain...
And sings a melancholy strain.
Will no one tell me what he sings?
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow..
For old, unhappy, far-off things...
or about the love lost..
and about the infinite emptiness....
................


POOOOOOOOOOMMPP!!
The siren of the factory blew... it was my alarm clock...
it told me.. "Oh old man.. its seven thirty in the morning.. get up!!"
Early in the morning... the radio told me today's headlines..
rape, murders, deaths, accidents,
how the ministers made new promises..
But.. how.. the farmers killed themselves...
How we were finally.. "DEVELOPING".
Well.. I finally got up.. as the radio signaled me that it was time to take my bath.

DINGG DONG!!
I opened the door very excitedly..
The sight of a human being still thrilled me...
Maybe.. some relative.. some friend from my distant past..

"Your Lunch Sir!" The Dabawallah handed me my lunch carriage.

I saw Pinku walk past me...
"Hello Grandpa.. I am going to school.. Bye bye!!"
"Bye Bye Dear son! Read well!!" I smiled for the first time in the day...
"And will you come to play with me in the evening?" I asked him..
"No.. You don't have a TV in your house... " He said sadly..
It was true..
An old man.. couldn't afford a colour TV with his pension.
I saw him ride his cycle till the end of the street..


Suddenly.. my eyes fell on a old photo album which fell down from the shelf..
It was my marriage album!

I looked at the date...
Thirtieth march 1968...
I suddenly realized.. it was today...

"Sulbha... Sulbha... it's our wedding anniversary...
I still remember the night when we got married... I had not even seen you properly...

Do you remember the day.. when I got my first promotion...
You made that day my happiest day of my life.. by telling me the good news of your pregnancy.
We were soo happy..
How we thought.. we would.. name our son 'Vinay' and if its a daughter 'Nimmi' or.. was it 'Simmi'..
Sorry dear... my memory is really at a loss these days...
Thank God I atleast remember you...
And.. ya..How.. we dreamed... how you would take him to the school..
then.. high school.. college...
How we would see him as an engineer!
But....
fate had something else for us..."
.........


Bhiwandi, 1970
the dreadful year...
We were all happy.. until one day..
I don't know what happened....
They screamed all over the Radio and newspapers "RIOTS! RIOTS!"
I had no idea until...
My own house was burned down...
My shop was tore apart..
I fled somehow..

But..

My Seven Month pregnant wife..couldn't escape!
She was burnt alive...

And I was left to die for the rest of my life....
these forty years I spent my life like a dead man...
With no reason to live.... No reason to survive...

This house..
I feel so.....
I scream ... no one hears...
I cry.. no one sees...
I wonder.. If I die..then.. my body would dispose here itself...
...................


I wrote my 'Will' today..
You might think what this old man has to give...
Well..
My dear friends..
there is soo much..
I wrote off my eyes to a blind boy...
I wrote off my kidneys to a needy young man...
I wrote off...

And ya..
This small home of mine...
will be the home for children...

I had no life till now..
But NO MORE!
My eyes will see through some else.. they will enjoy the beauty..
My home will once again be filled with laughter of the kids..
They will be my legacy...
My heir...

........


PS: Thanks to William Wordsworth for allowing to use his poem.

This post is dedicated to the WORLD THEATER DAY, March 27th

The Demise...

Tip.....Tip.....Tip......
water drops from no where fell upon me...
SPLASH!
It became bigger....
It started raining.....
I wanted to run like all others and find a shelter for myself....
But I could not!
"No more....." screamed my heart....I had run for a long time now.....

. . . . . . .

I came home late that day....
I searched for him all over the place...
the night was dreadful...
the lights went off...it was pitch dark...
"Don't be afraid of the dark! You are a big boy now!" His words echoed in my ears.
Suddenly something struck me........ the prompt realization!

I saw my mother lit a candle....
her face gleamed as she held it....
her eyes were dried out.... just like the arid rivers in the summer...
not a drop of water!
her face like the barren soil of the south...
those drought hit wrinkles....
suddenly she looked so old to me.....
She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever known....
But...no more....

we had moved to a smaller place now.....
someone suggested it would help us move on...
but we all knew the fact...
we no more could afford a bigger place......
neither did we needed it!

I never ever dreamt even in my worst nightmares that things would shape up like this...
when it actually started ..when it ended.. I had no clue...
I knew nothing... I still wondered how did I even fit in here...
the reason....... was beyond me....

Murthy, my father's brother arrived and thus my uncle.... arrived....
"Don't you worry vadinaa*, I had sorted it out.... hari would work at my friend's office once he completes his exams. Four thousand a month is the pay." He tried to assure my mother..... who didn't speak a word...
I wondered if she had even heard them.....

"One more thing... I think the time has come to divide the property. I know it is too early for you.... but try to understand me... I have to daughter to marry off. I met the lawyer today....
he will brief you everything tomorrow." My uncle divulged.
"It's even better for you... it will help you pay your debts..." He added.

It might be my age which disabled me me to interpret the whole monologue...
but I still figured out that... troubles were brewing right behind our backs.....

. . . . . . .

slowly....
we started our selling business....
mother said we don't need few things anymore.
but I knew.... what we really needed!
the huge sofa set...
the heavy bullet...my father's bike... it was really no use now... unless I had to wait for four more years to officially ride it.
but what still confused me was...my mother's jewellery...
I still wondered why she considered it useless now.

. . . . . .

It was Diwali...
But we didn't celebrate...
we were not supposed to... that's what mother said....
I felt bad at the beginning but then...
when I calculated the amount of money I would save upon the crackers, sweets and the dress...
I felt relieved.

Then the new year arrived....
We were not supposed to wish anyone happy new year...
well..that's what my mother said!
For the first time time... I didn't send a new year card to my favourite cousin Sheela.
Neither did she...
I wondered if even her mother told her not to wish anyone..
was it also a not-a-happy-new-year for her also?

Time passed at a snail's pace...
The summer arrived...
I completed my schooling.
Ninety four percent... read my scorecard.

"congratulations! your son topped the whole district...."
for the first time in months I saw a slight hint of happiness in my mother's face..
still tears rolled down her face...
I somehow got used to them...

"Don't you worry vadina, I have sorted it out .... Hari would study at Hyderabad and I will also make sure he gets a scholarship including fees exemption." My uncle Murthy announced.
I wondered if I didn't needed to go to his friend's office now.

"One more thing... I heard you sold the bullet last year.. and it fetched a good price... Brother always thought of gifting me the bullet. Please don't take it wrong... as even Hari's fees is exempted I was wondering if you could give me half the money of the bullet.... I have a daughter to marry off...please understand my position...." My uncle spoke..

But my mother still maintained her calmness.
Silence is sometimes eternal... I learnt soon.

. . . . . .

It was time to leave....
my hometown....
my school....
my friends....
my childhood...
my memories....

I was glad mother was coming along...
My maternal uncle made the arrangements for us this time....
Mother would teach in a school...he affirmed.
Thank god Murthy uncle didn't sort out anything this time...
I was to join a college ... No fees and scholarship...

. . . . . .

I joined the college...
It was beautiful....
Huge buildings...
even the city was too big.....
Mother asked me to be careful......
"Make good friends. And don't you get lost anywhere!" She ordered.

I had to fill in my add mission form.....

Name: Hari
Father's name: Late sri Dharma raju
Age: 14

......

Vadina* : A Telugu word for sister-in-law

Two Sides of a Coin....

THE SIN...........

I walk through the door slowly.... but allow her to hear my footsteps....

She stands like a rock......
holding everything inside...... and giving me nothing but the silence....
I wish I could read her mind....i wish i could interpret those woeful thoughts haunting her...
I wish i could tell her....

'Don't worry everything will be fine.....'
but....

It was late...but she doesn't scream at me...as she used to ....
no sign of concern...

I still remember those beautiful days...
when we were young and newly married...
smitten by cupid...
when i used to love her by the day....and by the night....

Things change... and sometimes for the worse....

I feel the coldness even in the hot summer nights.....
It was days when we last shared a conversation...
or even when we dined together...

love.... seemed to be breathing its last breathe....
and the end seemed to begin....

I walk past to her...
her eyes...still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...
but....the touch of her hair..... the smell of her body...
mere memories to me now....

I gather courage to break the long lasting silence....
"what is it that trouble you, my lady?"

She looks into my eyes and quickly moves them away from my sight...
she hangs her head down.... seeming smitten by the "Guilt" bug...
tears roll down her eyes...
'something bad' my heart tells me...
finally words pop out her mouth..

"I am pregnant"

................................................................................................................................


THE SINNER...............

The click strikes 11....
Still no sight of him...It's the same all the days...
This loneliness is killing me....
All day I sit idle... and wait all night...
months have passes since we last made love...

has the love died a rotten death??
or .. did it never take birth in the first place????

anyway...how do you expect love in arranged marriage!!

.................

I met him few days ago....
He is funny...handsome.... and likes me...

Am I doing anything wrong???
I know I am not supposed to act like this..but I am not able to help it..
Why do I feel like a teenager ....
why am I attracted to him so much....

NO!! I am a married woman....This is wrong!!

.................

I have never felt this way before....
it was like the first time...
same nervousness.......same excitement...
emotions running high.......and we were ready to be consumed by them...
how could i feel so different with him in the same act.......
I feel like jumping in the air and yelling at the top of my voice... to the whole world that i love him.. love him my whole life....
he is my knight in shining armor...my man of my dreams...
a part of me who completed me......the way i completed him.......
we are one and whole.....
how much i wish to be with him right now... how much...

...........................

I have done the biggest mistake of my life...
I cheated my husband....
I cheated my family...my parents..their trust...everyone..

Why was i so blind??

Why is love such a boisterous thing...
why does it pricks likes thorns...

why can't I have a happy ending..........

..........................................................................................................................................................................




PS: This blog is dedicated to my friends and all time critics...Deepi and Srats....

forbidden love

an angel without wings . . .
flew by my heart,
she won't kiss. . .
neither would love,
for love was forbidden,
it was a sin. . .
which i had committed. . .
and which she wanted to;

an angel without wings. . .
flew by my heart,
the world gave me pain. . .
but she made me love the pain,
she wouldn't let my heart stop. . .
she wouldn't let me die;

but this cruel world wouldn't let her. . .
wouldn't let me. . .
love my angel without wings,
for i was unaware that she wasn't made for love. . .
for no one told me god blessed her with endless pain. . .
and alas!
they won't even let me see her cry. . .
for i was the sinner . . .
and she was forbidden;

years later i saw her. . .
not a smile. . .
not a cry. . .
not even a word. . .
she lay silent. . .
six feet under. . .
in peace. . .

she was no more an angel without wings. . .
no more. . .

A Story

"How is the patient doctor?" Sai asked the doctor. . .
(Sai was a medical student in the hospital. . )

"Oh! He will be fine in few days. you seem to be very curious! Do you know him?"
"Yeah i know him very well. He is from my village."
"Oh! Then you must also know the old lady who keeps asking about him too. "

"An old lady! Where is she?"
"She is in the waiting hall . . . . but wouldn't tell us how is she related to him."

Suddenly like a storm Sai's mind rolled back into his past. . .
Something told him it was her. . .

He rushed to the waiting hall. . .

She was in her fifties but looked a lot older. . .
her face was wrinkled. . .
eyes holding back a great grief. . .
but like her tears had dried out. . .

but still Sai knew well it was her. . .

Tears trickled down Sai's eyes. . .
The doctor asked "What happened? why are you so sad looking at her?"

"Her name is Shantamma. She is the mother of the patient."


Ten years back . . . .

Madhav Shastri was the head priest of his small village. He was also the sarpanch.
Shantamma was his wife.

The whole village respected Shastri and Shantamma was no less than a goddess to the villagers.

Ramu was the son of satyamma. Satyamma had lost her husband long ago.
She maid for the Shatri's home.

Though Ramu was a son of a maid, but Shantamma loved him just as her son.
Ramu stayed mostly with the Shastri's eating and playing the kids. . .
Shantamma even sent him to school with her children.

Everything was fine till one day. . .

Ramu fell sick terribly. .
his body hot, shivering. . .
in the beginning everyone thought it was a mere fever. .
Shantamma the physician was called. .
he gave few potions mad from the herbs. .

"I have given the medicine but it may take a week or two. . . " said the physician.

A whole week passed but Ramu's health didn't improve. .
Ramu's uncle Ramesh suggested another physician to be called. .

Though Shantamma suggested to wait for a week but no one listened as they grew desperate. . .

Another physician from the nearby village was called . . .
He checked Ramu and said with gloomy face. . .

"The boy is suffering from dosh gunam"

Everyone was shocked. . .
They knew well what it meant. . .

"dosh gunam" was a popular belief of the villagers that if any woman sexually harassed a boy or forced him into sex with her then he would fall ill with this sickness. . .
They believed the only way to cure it was to bring the blood from the thighs of the women and put it on the boy's eyes. . .

Now the question was who did it?

Everyone knew Ramu was always with only two women. . .
His mother and . . . .

Shantamma. . .

Ramesh grew angry. . .

He along with few villagers thronged at Shastri's house. . .

Shastri believed in his wife's innocence and ordered them to leave immediately . . .

Four days passed Ramu's health become even worse. . .
Ramesh was desperate. . .

He again thronged towards Shastr's home. . .

This time he pleaded to save the boy's life. . .

Sashtri believed in his wife but then. . . .

He said. . .

"I will give my wife's blood. . .If it doesn't work i shall have your head cut off. . . "

Shantamma couldn't take this insult. . .
But was forced. . .

The blood was bought and put 9in the eyes of the boy. . .

The night was dreadful . . .
No one could sleep. . .

"What if it were true. . .what if Ramu really gets cured. . .no no!!
This is not possible!!!"
All sorts of thoughts crept Shastri's mind. . .

The doom's day arrived. . .

To everyone's astonishment. .

The boy was cured!!!!

Shantamma was thrown out of the village and she was branded as a bitch. . .

Shastri killed himself out of insult. . .


"So was Shantamma really guilty?" asked the doctor. . . who listened the whole story. . .

"No she was not. . ."

"How do you know it?"

"Because I am Ramu. My full name is Sai Ram.
And I know the truth. . . ."


PS : the story was inspired from an old Telugu movie called "GRAHANAM"

One day in Hyderabad

Let it put it straight to you that I am not the kinda optimist who wakes early in the morning even though his wife ran away with his neighbor last night, and says "it's going to be my day".
Though skeptic at times but today was different. . .
It was my brother's birthday. Ya i remembered it this time.
Except that everything was normal. A lazy Saturday when I usually hang out with my friends in the weekend. Hyderabad is a happening city. Lots of places to hang around. The central shopping mall, the multiplex, the tank bund, lumbini park and lot more. .
But if you are looking for some eatery then you got the usual hyderabadi biryani hotels and if you wanna bite some chat its gonna be GOKUL chat.
Yup GOKUL chat was near and fitted our pockets too.
Saturday evenings you find the roads full the malls full, people enjoying their weekend, few shopping few romancing few just sight seeing and window shopping.

But our manuji was pretty busy in the Saturdays. Oh I am sorry. Manuji as we all call him was the care taker of our very favorite GOKUL CHAT. We had evolved from the usual customer and shopkeeper relation to a friendship level. We loved the place so much that no week went by without visiting our GOKUL.
Things change in a day. Yes I have always believed in that.
Today was a special day for some and the doomsday for the others.
It was 6 pm. I was waiting at GOKUL for my brother he said he would meet me there.
He was late as unusually. Generally i was the one.
It was 6:30. I was about to leave but just then he called and said he was on the way. It will take time. I killed the time by browsing some book stalls. Looking at the girls. And to my luck my friend Rahul just dropped in. So now I had company.
7 pm: My brother shows up. We go to inside GOKUL. About a fifty people rush in to get the bite.
7:10 pm: Sukhi the kulfi guy in GOKUL, shouts to everyone, someone left a bag near his counter. No one responds. But then a guy turns out and says its his. He says he kept it there
as he cant eat holding it along. Sukhi doesn't oppose. He gets back to work.
7:25 pm: we eat kulfi. I asked sukhi "kya sukhi kahin jane ka program hai?" "Itna bada bag?"
he replies "Arey mein kidhar jaunga saabh. Ab lagta hai yehin par jiyunga yehin marunga. Bag to customer ka hai"
7:35 pm: We are almost done with our kulfi. We notice a group os sexy girls arrive. We stay a bit longer.
7:40 pm: We move on thinking thats enough for our belly and eyes.
7:41 pm: Bro gets a call. He stops to talk. We wait along.
7:44 pm: We step out finally from GOKUL.

7:45 pm: Never knew that hell would be like this. Never knew . . . . thats doomsday was so close.
BOOOOM!! A blast!
GOKUL ON FIRE!!
WE COULD SEE NOTHING. ONLY RED FLAMES PEOPLE SCREAMING. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. WE COULD NOT MOVE. WE DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING. SUDDENLY LIKE A VOLCANO, LIKE A FIRE BALL, AND THEN ONLY ASHES ONLY BLOOD THERE WERE BODIES EVERYWHERE.NONE OF THEM MOVING. NONE OF THEM ALIVE. . .
NO time to think. I dialed the 108 emergency. And called up the fire engine and the ambulence.
But no time.
We stop the city bus. Carry the bodies to the hospital nearby. THEY WERE DEAD OR ALIVE WE COULDN'T SAY. NONE OF THEM MOVED.
Like life stopped. Like they forgot to breathe.
IT was so mess. Manuji was dead. his body was not there it was blown up. The body parts shattered all over the places. I could have fainted at that sight. But i didnt.
Some force something still kept me alive. I had to move fast rescue the living people. An inner force gave me the strength.
7:55 We moved the bodies to the hospital.
the emergency wards so many people. Many dead many battling their last breathe.
The sight was horrible. First time i felt the value of human life.
First time i felt how precious our lives are.
8:00 pm: the police takes over from here.
we clear from the scene.
my clothes all drenched in blood. I don't know if it's a Hindu's blood or a Muslim's blood. I don't know if the man dying before my eyes was a Hindu or a Muslim. I didn't knew if the man i rescued was a Muslim or a Hindu.
Nether did the bomb knew.

8:45: I breathe for the first time in one whole hour. Tears don't come out of my eyes. Even they fear to come into this wicked world. Our faces turn blank. We call up our parents to say we are alive. Just alive.
On;ly we knew we could have been dead an hour ago, or maybe fighting death.
Does god existed. He did for my mom who thinks he was the one who saved me.
then why didn't he save others?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
24 people died in the GOKUL CHAT blast. Many more are still fighting for their lives.
A mom lost her only son, who was her only hope to life.
A complete family was killed. Two kids and the wife and husband.
Five students who had come to visit the city died. Their joy tour became their worst nightmare.
But still life didn't take a stand still. . . .
IT MOVES ON. . . .
WE MOVE ON. . .. .
THINKING EVEN OUR CONTRY HAS BECOME HELL AND THE GOVT A WASTE.
LIFE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. . . .