Friday, December 5, 2014

The other side of Love!

"How happy is the Blameless vestal's lot!
 The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
 Eternal sunshine of the Spotless mind!
 Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned: "
                   - Eloisa to Abelard, Alexander Pope, 1717.

In this famous poem by Alexander Pope, the character Eloisa, begs god for forgetfulness, as her lover Abelard is no longer able to reciprocate her feelings.

This poem also inspired one of my favorite movies, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", written by Charlie Kaufmann.

I understand some relationships turn sour and end bitterly than we expect, but it keeps me wondering, is it always about the end?
Is it the hate which lies in the end of the relationship, so important, that those countless wonderful moments you shared have to vanish in thin air? The wonderful days and nights you spent together laughing, making love, whispering into each other's ears, kissing goodbyes, all these today are lost and all that remains is the bitterness, the resentfulness. And even if you erase all those memories, all those moments, will you find happiness? Filling yourself with nothing but vaccum, will it help you in finding peace? I don't know....

Interestingly, scientists believe that, love has really nothing to do with heart and it is all bullshit that the greeting card companies and the movies have been playing with our minds. It is basically a mixture of lust, attraction and attachment. And all these are played out by chemicals and harmones.
Oh yes, they tell me, that it is the harmones - oxytocin & vaspopressin, that keeps everyone together for years, my parents, your parents, everyone we know, and not love.

A professor in Psychology, conducted this experiment. He gathered few subjects, and asked two strangers each of the opposite sex to meet each other and share there intimate details about their lives for half an hour, and spend the next four minutes deeply staring into each other's eyes without uttering a word.
The result - by the end of 34th minute, the couple feels deeply attracted to each other.
Few of his subjects even got married after the experiment.

For me, after knowing this, I am confused. All those things I imagined and thought about love, all that we learnt from Shar Rukh Khan, the movies, the romantic novels, all that crap was just utter bullshit? I feel cheated?
Yes..we have been the preys of marketing and story-telling.

But then, it also puts me in utter confusion, that I can fall in love with anyone of the opposite sex whom i meet for 34 minutes? Naaah... I still think I will fool my brain and tell it that there is some connections with the heart. And that it is not easy to fall in love....neither easy to fall out of love.....I chose to remain in ignorance for they say "ignorance is bliss".

I end this on quoting Socrets, Plato & Freud, all of them have been known to quote love to be a mental disease, which makes you sick and makes u suffer. Now I know, why they were called the Wise-men!

Have a great weekend, get drunk, and watch your step before you fall. :P

P.S - Any single ladies who want to try the 34 mins experiment, please write to me.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The search..

Once upon a time in a never never land... this was the time when I wandered in the streets of the unknown cities which cried out loud to me always trying to say something.. trying to find answers to unframed questions.. trying to solve the mystery without knowing what actually the mystery was..

Yes that was the time!

I always wondered how they did it? I mean how could just anyone do it?
It's not that I have not attempted it myself or I am a total starter. I have tried, though I agree that they were not my best but nevertheless I tried. Was I naive? Was there a process i missed? Is there a formula?
Damn it.. why can't I just know what is it that's missing? What is the fucking secret ingredient!!


Finding her was always the difficult part. I was so damn confused always. I mean it's not that I have not tried searching for her. But the image of her was so blur in my head that I could never even see her complete face.
One thing that kept me driving was her eyes. Crystal clear like the blue ocean yet very deceiving. They were the only thing I always kept looking for.

Those eyes...

I could kill for them. Now it was like I was addicted to them.

Well.. when it comes to him, I would not say it was that difficult but not that easy also. I saw him once or twice. But then I tend him loose him always. He changed every time I met him, every time I spoke to him.

But deep down I knew... I just had to find her and he would come running.

Once I get both of them together it will all be set.
I just need to add the magic potion and I am done. Finally!

But ..

The question again is where to find the potion?

Before you think about it let me confess myself - Yes! The irony is I have nothing and yet everything.


They say you could find it anywhere. You just have to keep looking under the sky.

I went to the mountains first, then the valleys... then the river. Nope it was not there.

The villages.. the towns.. the cities.. nothing seem to have given it refuge.

I asked everyone for it - the young and the old; the beauty and the ugly; the dead and the living - none had it.

I rode the horses and reached the city of the god. They said it was found here once.
I searched and searched. No clue of it. Nothing at all.

Could it be in the brothels? Have the virgins of the village hid it secretly?
I met all of them - the loved - unloved; Men and women, even the queen's eunuchs couldn't tell me it's whereabouts.

I looked at the sun, I could not see it directly.
I was lost in the desert. No where to go.

I crawled, I begged for water and food. I knew was dying. The end had arrived.
All I wanted was to touch it once. Was to look at it.

"Find both of them and give it to them." So that they could fulfill the prophecy.

But I never found it.

Never. . . . .

Well the question still remains - "Where is the story!!!"

Friday, May 7, 2010

Monday 9 am to 6 pm

"Hello Sir.... how are you doing today? I am Rahul calling from Excel Electronics sir. Hope I have not called you at the wrong time? ...... Aaaah yes sir, we talked earlier about the deal..... yes sir.. oh no sir.... no no.... you were interested in our special corporate offer.... yes sir.. yes yes....what!! Star Electronics is offering you a 25% discount.... sir before you think about it... i would like to tell you only one thing... quality is very important sir!! Its electronics you are buying after all...Who are Star Electronics sir!! They just came 2 years ago... but we are there since more than 10 years.... and lets look for a long term relationship sir.... I agree sir, they might be selling you the same specifications.... but look at our service sir.... we will offer you two years free servicing sir.. sir ...sir.... But sir... no sir... we can't give you 25% discount... but..maybe 15%.. ok sir for you 18%.... sir we will also offer you.....we certainly can..... sir.....sir..hello....hello......"

"Bastard!!! Shit!!" I banged the receiver on the table...the reason you already know..

I had lost a deal, a very important deal. This was not the first one I had lost this month. I looked at the calender on my table. It had a girl posing in a bikni by the sea... i did not notice her... all my eyes were set on that one date I had circled with my red marker.... Monday 30th March 2009. This day would determine my future. My performance for the whole quarter would be reviewed on that day.

I looked at today's date, it was 23rd March 2009. One week. I had exactly one week.

"Hi Macha!! Good Morning da..." It was Swami with his usual smile. "What da.. you are looking worried... What happened ... the Inventures Deal is gone problem da... try Orbit Computers.. they are planning to start their new branch .. it might work out.. chill da... cheer up... its still 10 am.. you got the whole day to work..."

Swami was right. I couldn't sit like this all day.

Oh! By the way I forgot to tell you what do I do now. Its been long since I talked with you guys. More than a year.. right??

I am Rahul Sharma, Sales Executive, Excel Electronics. I into Air Conditioners. By the way if you want to get relief from this scorching heat.. all you need to do is call me @ 9999966666 - Excel Electronics.
"Bring home our Air Conditioners and live happily ever after!!"

But you know whats the irony of my job. I work in Bangalore and I don't know which fucking asshole put this thought in the minds of the people in Bangalore that, 'Bangalore is the A/C city of India. You don't need A/Cs here...the weather is so cool!" Haaa.. I am gonna kill that bastard soon.

Yeah.. yeah..I know that fucker was absolutely right! I don't have an A/C myself at my home. So all we do is focus on the corporates and the rich guys. Well but there is again a problem. Companies generally won't install new A/Cs unless they are opening up a new branch or expanding their infrastructure. Well so what we do. We wait and we hope. We hope for the economy to recover and pray that everyday someone starts a company in this city of dreams. When I look around all those companies in electronic city and white filed and elsewhere.. I feel proud about the fact that we are making all those thousands and thousands of employees happy. After all we give them cool air to breathe.

But things have changed. We are no more the only vendors. we have stiff competition. Foreign companies, cheap Chinese brands, god we have to fight with everyone.

"Sir! Sir... Manager sir is calling you sir!!" Ramu, the office boy, shouted.

"Humm... So Mr. Sharma.. How is it going? Are you working on your targets? You are way behind Sharma... This is the fourth week you have fallen behind your targets. I have already warned you. March 30th will be your review. If you fail this time then I am afraid we might have to take some serious actions."

And serious action meant only one thing - you are FIRED!!
Yes, this is a sales office and if you fail you will be killed.

"There is no place for failures in this world" My fathers words echoed in my ears suddenly out of no where.... "I always told you.. read well.. don't watch those stupid movies.. don't roam around with girls..... see now what have you done!!" Huh?? what is my mom doing inside my head!! "Mom Dad stop it!! I am not a kid anymore!" I said to myself..

"Mr Sharma!! Mr Sharma... are you listening to me!!" My boss screamed on my face and that woke me up from my day dream.

"I heard you lost the Inventures deal. You know how much that deal was worth! Its two years now and you still don't know how to deal with clients!!"

'Inventures deal!! Gosh! How did he come to know! Is it Swami? No.. it must be that idiot Rajeev, he is the Boss's chamcha... bloody ass-licker!!' I thought...

"Now get the hell out of here and give me results! You are not working for free damn it!!" And I shut the door and walked out of his cabin.

For the next two hours I called up some 50 people but none of them were even interested to talk with me. It's Monday morning after all. I guess even their bosses screwed their ass and even they have a fucking target to reach. It shouldn't be called Monday! It should be called 'Screw-your-ass day!'

I looked at the watch it was almost one o'clock. I had skipped my breakfast today, I was dying with hunger. I gave a signal to Swami for lunch.
"Enna da... Yenga porein? Lunch aa?? Wait.. naankuda variya.." It was karthik, he wanted to also join us for lunch. He was the only other Tamilian along with Swami.

"Veru Enna vishyam da? How is your girl? I heard you are learning Tamil to impress her?" Swami asked me sheepishly.
"Enna da.. Nijama..." karthik raised his eye-brows.
"What rubbish! Who told you?" I opposed.
"Ayeeee.... don't lie... I saw that 'Learn Tamil in 30 days' book on your table." Swami pointed out.
"Common guys! Just because I learn Tamil.. doesn't mean I am trying to impress her or something. I am just learning a language. You see it always helps." I tried to defend myself but I knew it was a total failure.
"Whatever you do man. I don't think she will fall for you. She is an Iyer girl." Swami stated rather seriously, "I think you should stop wasting your time and concentrate on you work."
"So what if she is an Iyer? I am also a brahmin." I argued.
"Yeah right!!" Swami said sarcastically.
"Ok guys! Stop fighting. Lets order food fast or else boss will scream if we go late. What do you want da.. chicken biryani? Kebabs?" Karthik was focused on his biryani. He had nothing to do with me or "my-girl" talk.
"No chicken for me yaar, I have quit eating non-veg!"
"Yenna!! Quit eating non-vegaaa!! What a fellow da you are!! for her you will also stop eating non-vega? Shut up and eat!" Swami forced me..
"No dude.... I have quit seriously... and it's not for her! Can't I live according to my wish... I am doing all this for myself." I protested.
"Yeah yeah... we know what all you do for yourself... last year you liked the punjabi girl.. so you started eating chicken... and now its a Iyer girl.. so you quit. Great Mr. Sharma... you are really great. Do whatever you want to do. No one can change you!" Swami mocked at me and started eating his food.

I saw her through the corner of my eyes. It looked as if she also looked at me, as if she smiled at me. 'This is all illusion brother, It's not gonna happen. Better do your work' Swami signaled me through his eyes.
She was in the HR department. She looked so beautiful. Those beautiful eyes. The perfect figure. And the nice chiffon Saree made her look like an angel! Yes, she is made for me!
But all I could talk with her was about my appraisal and compensation. I was a failure not only in my sales but also in my love life.

I went back to my work. I tried calling some other prospective clients.
Just then...
"Heyy look da.. that mallu guy is trying to steal your girl... " Swami whispered.
"What! Where.." I turned around to look and saw that mallu fucker!

I got to tell you about this guy. I just hate this guy!! Oh you can't imagine the amount of hatred I have for him. He was 23, two years younger than me, passed out from some so-called ivy league MBA college. And he earns twice or thrice as much as i do. He has got the highest sales records, the best employee awards, all the incentives and rewards - who would not hate him!!
My blood boiled whenever I saw him - Rajeev Samuel was his name.

'But what are they probably talking? Oh god! She is even laughing. Aaarrgghhh that bastard! How the hell could she like him.
Aaaah I hate my life!!!'

"Sir... Manger sir aapko cabin mein bula rahe hain" Ramu screamed second time today.

'Why has the boss called me now?? I already had my dose for the day. Well lets see.' I prayed to god, 'I hope he is in a good mood'.

"Aaah Rahul, come in come in." My boss welcomed me with a smile. I was confused was it a harmless smile or the silence before the storm!

"Rahul. I have got good news for you. I have reduced your work for the week. You will be glad to know that from now Rajeev will take over the Chopras deal. You can give him the file and other information. And you can concentrate on other clients." He said with a smile.

"What!!!! But Sir.. I have been following up with them sir. I might also close the deal this week. Why do you want to give it to Rajeev now?? I can handle it sir" .
Damn! This was my worst dream come true. The chopras were my ticket to reach my targets. That would be a huge deal which could save me. And I had the feeling I was going to loose my trump card.

"Well you see Rahul, you have already taken enough time on the chopras. And moreover the main reason I am giving this deal to Rajeev is because he knows the chopras personally. He had cracked the earlier deal with them. Ideally even this deal should have gone to him. It was Rajeev who had suggested that it would be better if he takes this up. " My boss said something but nothing went into my head except the fact that Rajeev Samuel had raped me and stole the deal from me!!!

"Sir please sir! I am very close sir. Just give me two days sir, I will close the deal. Sir this is unfair sir!" I pleaded.

"Unfair! How could you say that Mr.Sharma! I have given you enough time on this deal. You have tried and failed. I cannot wait any longer. This is a very important deal. You have already made a loss today. I can't take any risk. Its better you concentrate on other deals. Leave the big ones to others." My boss blabbered again. "Now go and do your work. And give the file to Rajeev."

Just as I was leaving the cabin, Rajeev entered. He gave me a evil smile. I could read those eyes saying, 'aah! I screwed you brother. Now even she is mine!! I will have the promotion also! What will you do?'
'Arrrgggh!! I am gonna kill you fucking bastard!!' I could only say that in my mind.

I took the file to keep at his cubicle. I don't want to face him.

"Riiiiiinnnggg Rinnnggggg Rinnnggg"
The phone rang at his desk. I was confused, should I pick it up or....
"Ramu.. Ramu... " I screamed. No response.
Finally I answered, "Hello. Excel Electronics. How may I help you..... No sir.. Rajeev is not present at the moment. You can tell me... sir.. ..what.... ohhh... its about confirming the deal for 30 A/Cs... sir can I have you contact details want to pay today itself.... cheque it will be.... but sir I regret to say.. but Mr.Rajeev is no longer with us sir... oh no.. he just resigned today... yeah... you can call me on my number sir.. i will give you my personal number... dont worry sir.. your order will reach you in time.... I am Rahul Sharma Sir.....One important thing sir... please do not call on this number again sir... this number has being alloted to the HR department sir... dont worry sir... i will come personally to collect the cheque sir....have a nice day sir..thanks for calling!"

'Aaah! Some revenge atleast! If you can steal..then so can I' I said to myself.

But this was not enough... I needed more leads. I looked my leads, there were nil. I cannot generate leads all over now. I looked at his computer. It was on and at the desktop was a folder with the name - "Leads for March - April" . I opened the document.
'Damn! This guy has some 500 leads. How can he generate so many. Gosh.'
If I could get this excel sheet. I would survive. Else I would be fired.

'Take it. All you have to do is put your pendrive and copy it. Take it. Take it.' A voice told me in my head. 'You can do it. He has stolen from you. You should also take your revenge.'
'But I already took it. I stole his order!' I replied to the voice.
'You know thats not enough! You know without this you cannot complete your targets. You will be thrown out of this office. You will be jobless. She will also be gone. You will never ever see her if you get thrown out of this company. Rajeev will have her also! Do it, do it for her!' The voice screamed in my head.

I decided to steal the leads from his computer.
'where is my pendrive. shit its in my desk.' I had to go back to my desk.

"Enna da.... wassup?? why did the boss call you? Anything serious? You look tensed.." It was Swami.
'Haa wrong time swami. Should I tell swami what I was upto? No No.. I cannot tell him. This is serious issue.' I decided not to tell anything to Swami. But he was consuming all my time.

'Shit! Rajeev is back in his cabin. Now I will have to wait for him to leave again.' I waited impatiently at my desk. All my eyes at Rajeev's cubicle.

Half an hour passed.

Swami, "Hey what da... you seem lost?? Why don't you work! Work da work... or the big buffalo will screw you again. " he was referring to my boss by the way.

One more hour passed, but Rajeev was still at his cubicle.
I waited and waited.

Suddenly he rose from his cubicle. He went into the Manager's office.
This was my chance. I got the pendrive and went towards the cubicle.

Just as I was about to enter his cubicle, Swami caught my hand.
"Rahul..... did you hear this? Swetha is fired! Just now the boss fired her!" Swami was shocked and so was I!
"What!! But why??" I asked
"Orders from the head office it seems. Today was her final review. She did not perform well this quarter. And anyway you know the main reason. That fat buffalo was always against her. Politics I tell you bloody fuckers!" Swami screamed.
"You are true. But who will be the Asst.Sales Manager now?" I asked
"Who else... that ass-licker Rajeev. " Swami replied.
"What the fuck dude!!" I slammed my fist on the wall of the cubicle. Rajeev's cubicle.

Half an hour later.

"Sir ... Rahul Sir.. Manger sir aapko bula rahe hain!" Ramu screamed, third time today.

And this time I wondered again why.

"Sir... you called me. " I went in. Rajeev was also there in the cabin.
"yes Rahul. I have some news for you. I regret to tell you but due to some unaviodable circumstances Ms. Swetha is no longer with us. It was a surprise to me you know. But since
work has to go on, I have decided to make you the Asst.Sales Manager."

"What! Sir.. me!!"

"yes Rahul. I know this is unexpected, frankly I had Rajeev in mind for this post, but I just received orders from the head office. Rajeev has received a transfer and he is shifting to the delhi branch. So it will be you!"

"Huh?? What!! Oohh.... " I was shocked and speechless!

The above story is purely a work of fiction and the names, places and things in the story are completely fictional. Any resemblance to any place, thing or person is a mere coincidence.

Special thanks to Bharat Venkatesh.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Rao's Part 2

this is a continuation of the Roa's Part 1 

"Oh god please help him this time! I will fast now every saturday also if he gets the visa. I will walk all the way up the Tirupati hill for your darshan. I will also make sure this time Ramesh shaves his head for you. Oh god! Please help my son." kausalya prayed just like any other Indian mother. This time she had a long list of offerings and just a small request, the Visa.

They say when it comes to the Visa it's all pure luck. 
"After the terrorist attacks, I have heard they are rejecting Visas. I tell you it is very difficult to get one these days. You know my brother's neighbor's son, his Visa was rejected recently. I have heard he even had a 75% in his bachelors. By the way, how much did Ramesh get? Does he has distinction? kausalya... are you even listening to what I am saying?" Malini, kausalya's neighbor was trying to share her insights. 
But.. Kausalya.. she was lost in her prayers. Malini's words, though they reached her ears but they never made it to her mind. 
Kausalya knew only one thing. Each and everything is in the hands of the almighty. And she was determined to please him.

"Maaaaaaaa..... I did it... I flying to the USA... MBA.... mom... your son is going to be an M.B.A," Ramesh screamed with joy and hugged Kausalya. At that moment kausalya forgot everything, herself, her god, all she knew that it was the happiest moment of her son's life and so as her's. 

Tears and Kausalya were close sisters. Kausalya expressed her every emotion with tears. She would cry if she was sad, she would cry even if she was happy and even in anger. 
"Your name should have been ganga instead of Kausalya," Srinivas would always remark.
But today they were the happy ones. 
The god of visa had indeed answered her prayers.

"I will have to pay four lakhs as first instalment to the college in a week," Ramesh declared.
"Yes yes. Don't worry. Your father will look after that," Kausalya said with a certain conviction although she didn't knew how her husband, an employee at a small private firm, could manage that.
"In one month I will be in California, USA. Mom do you even know how far is California from here? It takes almost a day even if you travel by the plane," Ramesh seemed all excited about his future.

And all kausalya could see was that her son would leave her and go to some far far land. Twenty two years and never ever was he away from her. Or was he?
She remembered, two years ago Ramesh had gone to a tour with his friends for a week. She remembered how she would call him day and night. She was so worried about his food. And about his safety, infact she never ever wanted to allow him to go so far to Goa all alone with his friends. But Ramesh would not listen to her.

"Will you call me everyday from California?" Asked kausalya with tears in her eyes.
"Of course I will Ma! Maaaaaa... Please don't cry not today at least. I am in such a happy mood," Ramesh tried to cheer her up. 
"Well I have lot of things to do. I need to do my shopping, by the way I need all new clothes I tell you. I will also have to buy a laptop and the most important thing I need to book the ticket as early as possible. There are lot of things. I better write them down," Ramesh was lost in his own world. Infact in his new world.

"It must be your father. Open the door beta," Kausalya screamed from the Kitchen. 
"Oh mom! Please do it for yourself. I am busy on the internet," Ramesh replied.
Rubbing her face with her dough hands she made a dash to the door. She knew it, it was her husband. 
"Ramesh got the Visa!" kausalya cried out with ecxitment as soon as she saw Srinivas.
"He got the Visa today morning. Didn't I tell you my prayers would be answered." She repeated thinking Srinivas might not have listened to her properly.
Srinivas looked tired more than usual. 
He did hear the news, but there was no excitment, no happiness in his face. No reaction.
'What happened? Let me get you a glass of water first. I know you must be tired," kausalya rushed to fetch a glass of water. 
"So what do you think? Oh! I am sorry. Ramesh should tell you this by himself. let me call him," kausalya tried to call Ramesh but was interrupted by Srinivas.
"No. Not now. I am not in a good mood." 
"What happened? Is everything ok?" 
"Nothing. Just leave me alone for sometime."
"But tell me what happened!" Kausalya tried to ask.
"Nothing. I told you I am not in a good mood!" Srinivas screamed.
"What do you mean you are not in a good mood. Are you not happy for your son? Don't you wish that he should live a happy life? Now that today he has achieved something, isn't it your duty to share his happiness?" kausalya went on.
"It's not that. I am tired. We will talk tommorrow."
"Tommorrow? When do you have time for us? Always work work work. Why did you even marry me when you don't have time." Tears ran through her cheeks.
"There are so many things you should attend to. So many responsibilities. We have to pay the fees in a week. He has to book his flight ticket. Buy few things. It's only a month you know. We also have to go to Tirupati. So many things..... when do we have time to talk." 
"It's not that! You don't understand!"
"What it is that I don't understand?" 
"I lost my job today!!!!" Srinivas screamed and silence followed.


to be continued.....

p.s: I dedicate this story to my parents 

Note: the characters and the incidents describes in the story are purely fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead. Any resemblance is purely a coincidence.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Voice

I tried to wash my eyes so that I could wake up. I looked at the watch with my eyes half open half closed, still wanting to shut down and go to bed. 
The watch said half past two in the morning. 
I knew it was an odd time but "I have to do this!" I told myself. "Time is never an issue for a writer! And in fact the night is the best time to write, with so much silence!"

"Oh for GOD sake switch off the light and go back to sleep you fool!!" someone screamed from somewhere. I looked around to find who it was.
"Hello Mr.! Where are you looking? I am speaking from inside you." The voice replied again.
"Inside me?? What the crap are you talking? Are you some kind of ghost or something?" I was terrified. 
"Aaah! You idiot haven't you seen those Indian movies where in the inner conscience reflects in the mirror and talks with the hero! Arey yaar I am your 'Antar-Atma'."
"What the crap are you talking! Why don't you show yourself!" I screamed with fear.
"Well sorry dude! We Antar-Atmas have not yet evolved so much that we can show up ourselves." The voice replied calmly.
I didn't know what to do at all. Fear, confusion, bewilderment, every strange emotion seems to haunt me. 
"How can I trust. I need proof!" I rambled something out of my mouth finally.
"Proof?? Well it's like asking yourself who are you! Well I won't mind your stupidity, go on." 
"Tell me my name..and.. my date of birth!" 
"Mythreya... a.k.a matty, maddy... born on 23rd feb 87 at Kurnool, a small city in Andhra Pradesh. Want more proof? Ask me!"
"My favourite color?"
"black and white. And you like these colours because your ex-girl friend Pooja loved them. And don't be stunned. I also know everything about Pooja. I know that you still love her somewhere deep in your heart, though you pretend as if you have forgotten her and moved on. So what more do you want to know? The first time you met her? The first time you held her hand? First kiss? About your first....."
"Enough! Shut up now! Why the hell are you out of my body suddenly! Let me work. I am a writer!" 
"Aaaaaaaah! Don't tell me this crap! Writer! Who the hell told you so?" 
"Writer! Nice way to cover up your joblessness. The thing is your are worthless."
"Now if you don't shut up...."
"What can you do to me? Can you punch yourself? Can you kick yourself? Ha ha ha. Atleast someone is having fun!"
"I don't want to talk to you. Let me do my work. I am begging you, Please!"
"Aah! I hate it when you cry like a sissy. Well show me what are you writing."
"Huh?? I cannot show you anything now...."
"Then tell me your story........ I will tell you how is it."
"Ok.. wait..... well.. I was thinking to write a horror story."
"A horror story! Humm... go on... tell me what it is..."

"The story beings in a gloomy night... the door opens slowly....'keeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk'... the monstrous witch enters... her long poisonous teeth... her sharp nails.... her hair all messed up.... she is very very scary.... and aaaaaah.. yes... who is her victim...  a poor thin man. Yes this is it. This is it!!"
"Whaaaaaat! This does not sound like a horror story to me. This is every married man's story!"
"Oooh is it! I never thought of it that way.. humm... poor chaps! Well... how about romantic stories! Yes romance it is...."
"Humm.. well .. let us see.."
"Romance.. love.... humm.. love happens in college right! College stairs.... before the library.... a beautiful girl is walking with books in her hands... and opposite to her.. a handsome young boy.. is walking straight down towards her.... she is walking.... he is coming .... she is walking.. he is coming... and then suddenly......'DASSSHHH' they hit each other... the books fall down.... the girl bends down to pick up them... the boy helps her.... both of them see each other... eyes meet eyes... breathe meets breathe... and love takes birth... yes.. this is it....THIS IS IT!!!!"
"Hello oo Mr we are not living in the eighties... this is the twenty first century.... love does not happen like this.... today everything is love.. online marriages.... and ...sometimes... even. online... ...honeymoon....."
"yeah  yeah.. saw it in some site..."
"Oh! Humm... how about an action thriller?"
"Just shut up haan! You lack everything. Have you read the book "how to write fiction" by Dick Harry? Or his "1001 fiction plots"?"
"Dick harry? Who is he? Is he a famous writer? Has he written any famous stories?"
"Oh no! He is not into fiction. He just helps people write fiction!"

"Well you see there should be planning, you should have a format on how to write a story.... make a plan... choose the plot.... choose the characters... mix some emotions.... add some masala to the climax... and we have a perfect story!" 
"ooh... doesn't it look like cooking a dish!"
"Well story writing is in fact cooking..... that's why they say...'cooking up a story!'"

"What the hell are you talking to yourself at five in the morning! Didn't you sleep?" My mom suddenly came from the behind.
"Woooh! Mom.. you scared me! I was cooking....err...writing a story!"
"oh! So you got a story? No.... i figured out I don't have the right ingredients!"
"Huh? Humm.. this boy is really crazy!"

p.s: people say when you are confused listen to your inner-conscience. I did it and I got this!


Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Rao's Part 1

"kausalya! Kausalya! Where is my shirt? You know I am getting late to office, I told you yesterday night I have a meeting with my Director today!" screamed Srinivas running out the bathroom with a towel covering his 'vital' parts and water dripping all over the floor.
"Coming coming!" Kausalya ran from the kitchen to help her husband. She slipped on the wet floor but caught hold of the door and saved herself from a fall.
"How many times have I told you to dry up yourself in the bathroom itself! What if I had slipped and fell on floor. Had I factured my leg you would have had to shell out some ten grand for the doctor's bill! And who would have cooked for you? Your mother?" Kausalya replied back to her husband sharply.  She was relieved that she had escaped the fall but she was sad that now she had to clean up the floor all by herself. 
"Atleast eat your breakfast!" kausalya squawked from the back.
"No no! I have to run or I will miss the bus!" Srinivas defended. 
Srinivas dashed towards the exit.
Almost an hour later in the nearby room someone was trying to still sleep even as the sungod trying to wake him himself. 
"Beta! Wake up! Its ten in the morning." kausalya shouted in her usual tone.
"Mom! I slept at two in the morning. Let me have some sleep." Ramesh replied in a sleepy mood.
But he knew it, it was the end of his lovely dream in which he was laying almost naked with three girls on a beach and doing things which are unmentionable in a country like India and unthinkable in a family like the Roa's!

While Ramesh was having his breakfast, kausalya asked, "so what are your plans today? Are you going out? should i cook lunch for you?"
Ramesh paused for a whole minute and thought about things he was supposed to do or might do. When nothing came to his mind, he promptly called Rahul
"Hi dude? What! still in bed you idiot! Wake up man..... Hey by the way, how about a movie?.....
 the afternoon show? ... what! we already saw all the movies? nothing left out? .... hey wait a minute.... we didn't see 'Ratoon ki rani' ... oh its not worth! ...nothing scenes kya? ... oh God!   then what shall we do man!! .... do one thing.. just come to my place we will decide.. i am hanging up.... balance low... bye!" Ramesh wondered what he would today. 

"Why don't you go the sidhivinayaka temple today and pray for your MBA result! God's grace is a must in such matters! I am even fasting for you every thursday!" kausalya justified. 
"Mom! Please don't get started now! I am very busy. And anyway, I am sure God has lot to do than to listen to my prayers." Ramesh stated stolidly.
"I tell you its waste arguing with you!" kausalya tried to convince but she knew it was waste. 
"By the way? What is Rahul doing these days? Is he also joining MBA this time?" She enquired. 
She thought it was her parental duty to know about her son's friends. A person's character is judged by the kind of friend's he has. She had read this somewhere.
Kausalya has always wanted Ramesh to do his MBA because one of her distant relatives son had also done his MBA and was now residing in the US of A. 
Though Kausalya never even dreamt of a life without Ramesh, but still she felt her son's life would be secured in the United States of America than the Andhra state of India. She even heard Srinivas telling "the competition in India is too high. All because of population. And the government is so biased. Reservations even in higher education! And we suffer because we were born in a forward caste! This is so injustice!" 
Kausalya had always wished a better life for her son. 
Kausalya woke up early that day. It was the judgement day. It was the day her future would be decided. Appa had decided to marry off her if she again failed this time. Her mother was silent as usual and played no significant role rather than cooking and keeping the house clean, so Kausalya couldn't expect any help from her. 
Ramu, he little brother bought her the newspaper. She trembled as she flipped through the pages. '
What if she passed, will appa agree to send her to Madras to study? After all there was no college in her village. How can she stay without appa and amma?' Her mind dwindled around these thoughts. But fate had something else for her.

"The girl cooks very well and also knows stitching. She also sings very well." Amma spoke to a fat lady with hope in her eyes. But nothing seem to convince the fat lady. 
"kausalya please sing the sitarama kalyanam song." Amma asked her.
Kausalya was very nervous. All eyes were fixed on her. Amma had strictly ordered her to not even look up and answer only when asked. 
But admist all these, kausalya quickly glanced from the corner of her eye to have a look at the prospectus groom. He was not at all like she had imagined. He didn't wear the tight bell bottoms, nor did he had the stylish ring the south indian heroes had. She was disappointed.

A week after a letter arrived stating that the fat lady was pleased to accept Kausalya as her daughter-in-law but she had also sent a list of things they wanted and the probable date of marriage. But no one asked what kausalya wanted.   

Twenty eight years later, cleaning the shelf, kausalya looked at her wedding photo and thought for a second, was this the life she wanted? Srinivas was a good man. He earned a decent salary. He came home early from work. Never said anything to his wife. What else was needed? 
Suddenly she found something. It was a small Vinayaka Idol. Srinivas had gifted it to her on their first anniversary. She smiled looking at it.
She wondered sometimes if Srinivas now remembered  their anniversary or as a matter of fact even her birthday!
'When was the last time Srinivas took her to a movie or to a restaraunt...' she barely remembered any such incident. 
It was years when they last made love.
All their life they had worked hard so that they could afford this thousand square feet apartment and could save for Ramesh's higher studies. 
They never bothered about themselves. 
Srinivas would proudly say "My assest is my son! What more do I need?".

Queitly dusting the books kausalya wondered how they would be able to live when their son leaves for the USA. But what will he eat there? Will he get the same food? She had even heard that the people in the US of A eat cow's meat! 
She was worried how will her vegetarian Brahmin son survive in that country! 
"I will have to pack him atleast five jars of pickels. My poor son!" She tried to console herself.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Talk

[conversation overheard]

"Hey hey look girls!! Shahid is looking so cute...... wow! I wonder why kareena dumped him?" 
"No i think saif looks matured! Shahid looks like a kid!"
"whatever... move to the next pic!"
"Woooooh! Who is he??????"
"Oooooooh i really don't know where that came from!!! Sorry girls but he... err... he...."
"Just tell us who is he??"
"He is just a friend nothing else! Trsut me!!"
"Are you sure??? I doubt! Bol kab se chal raha hai? God! You didn't even tell us!! Thats bad Pooja, thats bad!!"
"No no nothing like that....please girls ....try to understand me. He is just a friend!"
"Ok enough of crap Poo! Tell us the whole story!"
"Well... ok ok ok!! it was like.. i met him and he is comepletly mad at me!! Right from the first day! he has proposed me and I wanted to ask your help."
"Humm!! Not bad girl! Well he is ok, not bad!"
"Are you nuts! Look at his pot belly!! He is soo fat!!!"
"And god! He has no sense of dressing! Look what he is wearing! Not even branded!!"
"And look at his face yaar! So dull, boring! Not even a smile!!!"
"Common yaar! Just don't decide by the looks!!Pooja I feel he is not that bad"
"Shut up! what the hell do you know about boys?? You never even had a real boy-friend in your life!! I had four of them! I know lot girls! Trust me!!"
"Pooja, tell are you serious about him?? Don't tell me you are dating THIS GUY!!!"
"No no!! He is just a friend! I have not said him yes till now!!"
"That's good! Well lets look at the other prospects! So which car does he own?"
"What!!! He doesn't even own a bike!!!"
"GODDD what are you doing girl!!! he is such a loser!"
"Nevermind! What does he do? Has he got a job or something? Settled??"
"What!!! Jobless!!!"
"Don't tell me about the Recession and all those stupid things!!"
"Look at you! You will get a lot better guys! You have a job. You own a car yourself! Why the hell do you even look at this guy!"
"Please girls! Stop it! Pooja I think what important is the character!!"
"Stop it Priya!! You and your character go to hell. You don't know anything so just shut up! Pooja baby listen to me. Ok lets forget about all the things! he is not rich, he is not settled, but baby what about the looks!! Don't you want six-packs??? Just like john, hrithik, srk!! Common baby there are so many out there. All my boy friends had six packs!! They knew what i want!"
"And hey look closer he even has pimples!!! Ewwwwwww"
"God! So clumsy!"
"How do you bear him even!!"
"By the way.... tell me did you do anything??"


Ok folks! I guess the conversation was getting a bit personal so i had to cut down the audio!
Well yeah you guessed it right! 
The guy being talked is of course RAHUL!

just kidding rahul...
its not you. It was me!! 
I have to accept it. It's tough. 
And they tell me it's a "man' s world ou there". 

P.S: No offence to ladies out there. And yeah even RAHUL doesn't have six pack abs!