The Demise...

Tip.....Tip.....Tip......
water drops from no where fell upon me...
SPLASH!
It became bigger....
It started raining.....
I wanted to run like all others and find a shelter for myself....
But I could not!
"No more....." screamed my heart....I had run for a long time now.....

. . . . . . .

I came home late that day....
I searched for him all over the place...
the night was dreadful...
the lights went off...it was pitch dark...
"Don't be afraid of the dark! You are a big boy now!" His words echoed in my ears.
Suddenly something struck me........ the prompt realization!

I saw my mother lit a candle....
her face gleamed as she held it....
her eyes were dried out.... just like the arid rivers in the summer...
not a drop of water!
her face like the barren soil of the south...
those drought hit wrinkles....
suddenly she looked so old to me.....
She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever known....
But...no more....

we had moved to a smaller place now.....
someone suggested it would help us move on...
but we all knew the fact...
we no more could afford a bigger place......
neither did we needed it!

I never ever dreamt even in my worst nightmares that things would shape up like this...
when it actually started ..when it ended.. I had no clue...
I knew nothing... I still wondered how did I even fit in here...
the reason....... was beyond me....

Murthy, my father's brother arrived and thus my uncle.... arrived....
"Don't you worry vadinaa*, I had sorted it out.... hari would work at my friend's office once he completes his exams. Four thousand a month is the pay." He tried to assure my mother..... who didn't speak a word...
I wondered if she had even heard them.....

"One more thing... I think the time has come to divide the property. I know it is too early for you.... but try to understand me... I have to daughter to marry off. I met the lawyer today....
he will brief you everything tomorrow." My uncle divulged.
"It's even better for you... it will help you pay your debts..." He added.

It might be my age which disabled me me to interpret the whole monologue...
but I still figured out that... troubles were brewing right behind our backs.....

. . . . . . .

slowly....
we started our selling business....
mother said we don't need few things anymore.
but I knew.... what we really needed!
the huge sofa set...
the heavy bullet...my father's bike... it was really no use now... unless I had to wait for four more years to officially ride it.
but what still confused me was...my mother's jewellery...
I still wondered why she considered it useless now.

. . . . . .

It was Diwali...
But we didn't celebrate...
we were not supposed to... that's what mother said....
I felt bad at the beginning but then...
when I calculated the amount of money I would save upon the crackers, sweets and the dress...
I felt relieved.

Then the new year arrived....
We were not supposed to wish anyone happy new year...
well..that's what my mother said!
For the first time time... I didn't send a new year card to my favourite cousin Sheela.
Neither did she...
I wondered if even her mother told her not to wish anyone..
was it also a not-a-happy-new-year for her also?

Time passed at a snail's pace...
The summer arrived...
I completed my schooling.
Ninety four percent... read my scorecard.

"congratulations! your son topped the whole district...."
for the first time in months I saw a slight hint of happiness in my mother's face..
still tears rolled down her face...
I somehow got used to them...

"Don't you worry vadina, I have sorted it out .... Hari would study at Hyderabad and I will also make sure he gets a scholarship including fees exemption." My uncle Murthy announced.
I wondered if I didn't needed to go to his friend's office now.

"One more thing... I heard you sold the bullet last year.. and it fetched a good price... Brother always thought of gifting me the bullet. Please don't take it wrong... as even Hari's fees is exempted I was wondering if you could give me half the money of the bullet.... I have a daughter to marry off...please understand my position...." My uncle spoke..

But my mother still maintained her calmness.
Silence is sometimes eternal... I learnt soon.

. . . . . .

It was time to leave....
my hometown....
my school....
my friends....
my childhood...
my memories....

I was glad mother was coming along...
My maternal uncle made the arrangements for us this time....
Mother would teach in a school...he affirmed.
Thank god Murthy uncle didn't sort out anything this time...
I was to join a college ... No fees and scholarship...

. . . . . .

I joined the college...
It was beautiful....
Huge buildings...
even the city was too big.....
Mother asked me to be careful......
"Make good friends. And don't you get lost anywhere!" She ordered.

I had to fill in my add mission form.....

Name: Hari
Father's name: Late sri Dharma raju
Age: 14

......

Vadina* : A Telugu word for sister-in-law

Two Sides of a Coin....

THE SIN...........

I walk through the door slowly.... but allow her to hear my footsteps....

She stands like a rock......
holding everything inside...... and giving me nothing but the silence....
I wish I could read her mind....i wish i could interpret those woeful thoughts haunting her...
I wish i could tell her....

'Don't worry everything will be fine.....'
but....

It was late...but she doesn't scream at me...as she used to ....
no sign of concern...

I still remember those beautiful days...
when we were young and newly married...
smitten by cupid...
when i used to love her by the day....and by the night....

Things change... and sometimes for the worse....

I feel the coldness even in the hot summer nights.....
It was days when we last shared a conversation...
or even when we dined together...

love.... seemed to be breathing its last breathe....
and the end seemed to begin....

I walk past to her...
her eyes...still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...
but....the touch of her hair..... the smell of her body...
mere memories to me now....

I gather courage to break the long lasting silence....
"what is it that trouble you, my lady?"

She looks into my eyes and quickly moves them away from my sight...
she hangs her head down.... seeming smitten by the "Guilt" bug...
tears roll down her eyes...
'something bad' my heart tells me...
finally words pop out her mouth..

"I am pregnant"

................................................................................................................................


THE SINNER...............

The click strikes 11....
Still no sight of him...It's the same all the days...
This loneliness is killing me....
All day I sit idle... and wait all night...
months have passes since we last made love...

has the love died a rotten death??
or .. did it never take birth in the first place????

anyway...how do you expect love in arranged marriage!!

.................

I met him few days ago....
He is funny...handsome.... and likes me...

Am I doing anything wrong???
I know I am not supposed to act like this..but I am not able to help it..
Why do I feel like a teenager ....
why am I attracted to him so much....

NO!! I am a married woman....This is wrong!!

.................

I have never felt this way before....
it was like the first time...
same nervousness.......same excitement...
emotions running high.......and we were ready to be consumed by them...
how could i feel so different with him in the same act.......
I feel like jumping in the air and yelling at the top of my voice... to the whole world that i love him.. love him my whole life....
he is my knight in shining armor...my man of my dreams...
a part of me who completed me......the way i completed him.......
we are one and whole.....
how much i wish to be with him right now... how much...

...........................

I have done the biggest mistake of my life...
I cheated my husband....
I cheated my family...my parents..their trust...everyone..

Why was i so blind??

Why is love such a boisterous thing...
why does it pricks likes thorns...

why can't I have a happy ending..........

..........................................................................................................................................................................




PS: This blog is dedicated to my friends and all time critics...Deepi and Srats....