Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Talk

[conversation overheard]

"Hey hey look girls!! Shahid is looking so cute...... wow! I wonder why kareena dumped him?" 
"No i think saif looks matured! Shahid looks like a kid!"
"whatever... move to the next pic!"
"Woooooh! Who is he??????"
"Oooooooh i really don't know where that came from!!! Sorry girls but he... err... he...."
"Just tell us who is he??"
"He is just a friend nothing else! Trsut me!!"
"Are you sure??? I doubt! Bol kab se chal raha hai? God! You didn't even tell us!! Thats bad Pooja, thats bad!!"
"No no nothing like that....please girls ....try to understand me. He is just a friend!"
"Ok enough of crap Poo! Tell us the whole story!"
"Well... ok ok ok!! it was like.. i met him and he is comepletly mad at me!! Right from the first day! he has proposed me and I wanted to ask your help."
"Humm!! Not bad girl! Well he is ok, not bad!"
"Are you nuts! Look at his pot belly!! He is soo fat!!!"
"And god! He has no sense of dressing! Look what he is wearing! Not even branded!!"
"And look at his face yaar! So dull, boring! Not even a smile!!!"
"Common yaar! Just don't decide by the looks!!Pooja I feel he is not that bad"
"Shut up! what the hell do you know about boys?? You never even had a real boy-friend in your life!! I had four of them! I know lot girls! Trust me!!"
"Pooja, tell are you serious about him?? Don't tell me you are dating THIS GUY!!!"
"No no!! He is just a friend! I have not said him yes till now!!"
"That's good! Well lets look at the other prospects! So which car does he own?"
"What!!! He doesn't even own a bike!!!"
"GODDD what are you doing girl!!! he is such a loser!"
"Nevermind! What does he do? Has he got a job or something? Settled??"
"What!!! Jobless!!!"
"Don't tell me about the Recession and all those stupid things!!"
"Look at you! You will get a lot better guys! You have a job. You own a car yourself! Why the hell do you even look at this guy!"
"Please girls! Stop it! Pooja I think what important is the character!!"
"Stop it Priya!! You and your character go to hell. You don't know anything so just shut up! Pooja baby listen to me. Ok lets forget about all the things! he is not rich, he is not settled, but baby what about the looks!! Don't you want six-packs??? Just like john, hrithik, srk!! Common baby there are so many out there. All my boy friends had six packs!! They knew what i want!"
"And hey look closer he even has pimples!!! Ewwwwwww"
"God! So clumsy!"
"How do you bear him even!!"
"By the way.... tell me did you do anything??"


Ok folks! I guess the conversation was getting a bit personal so i had to cut down the audio!
Well yeah you guessed it right! 
The guy being talked is of course RAHUL!

just kidding rahul...
its not you. It was me!! 
I have to accept it. It's tough. 
And they tell me it's a "man' s world ou there". 

P.S: No offence to ladies out there. And yeah even RAHUL doesn't have six pack abs! 

Friday, March 6, 2009

It happened to Me

The scene is set in a dark room with two big monstrous looking guys and a woman who looks even dangerous. They are waiting happily to rip apart me and cut me into small pieces. The typical torture room. I look into the lady's eyes. Red with blood. Suddenly her teeth grows longer and sharper, she bares her claws, the men take out their horrendous weapons. I want to run but GODDD they have chained me...
Everything suddenly goes dark... I feel unconscious
They throw water upon my face and focus light right into my eyes...
and finally break the silence...

"Draw me the NAND gate using op-amps! Whaat you don't know!!
 What's the amplitude difference between GSM and CDMA?
 Oh! So you are a lousy engineer? Now I know why your marks are so low!"

You almost guessed it right. It was one of my B-School interviews!
Trust me i could only give you a verbal description of the torture. It was hell.

You know it all starts happily just like a bollywood movie. Happy family, the kids are all smiling, the wife is all smiling. Ok ok I wont go into the movie details now!
It was the same for me too.
i wrote the entrance exams. Fared well.
"Congratulations Mythreya! We are happy to inform you that you have been selected for our next round of selection i.e GD/PI" 
The monitor flashes this "feel good" message. And yeah I am happy, my mom dad.. and not to forget suddenly my girl friend, who thought till yesterday that i was really good for nothing, showers extra loveeeee upon me, pampering me, even the romance is all time high. 
'Wowww! Not bad man' That's what I say to myself.

And then the whole process begins.

PUNE - SIBM interview: the first of the season!
"I love travelling! Yeah trust me. In a way I feel travelling and going to new places helps you discover yourself. I feel like I am so close to nature."
OK! This crap was purely for the interview. 
I land in pune a day earlier so that I could be comfortable with the city and all.
As soon as I enter the streets of Pune looking for a Lodge, my eyes run a 100 miles per sec speed checking out hundreds of girls. BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!! 
(Really no offence to ladies. I am a nature lover and an admirer of beauty!!! TRUST ME!)

After a nice opening I settle in my room. Wander here and there. look at some more "EYE CANDIES" and then have some nice Maharastrian food. 
The night was long....
We roll in the bed together, clinging together tightly, then a scream.....
You dirty minds....what were you thinking!!
it was me screaming and "We" meant THE BED BUGS AND THE MOSQUITO'S which gave me company for the whole night crawling up my body, sucking my sweet blood and yeah thankfully I didn't even close my eyes once the whole night.

THE D-Day : 
Gooosh! It was 10!!! I rushed to look at my call letter. 12 noon reporting time. 2 hours left. Ample time. The calender read "FRIDAY the THIRTEEN". What a day to kick off my first interview of the season!
By 12 I am at their campus. 
IT's one of the Best Campuses in India! 280 acres in a hill top. 2850 feet above the ground. Rather a hill station to put it technically. And a splendid infrastructure. With even a cricket ground!!!
All good things come to an end. And so did the happy scene. 
I was somewhat shocked to see 239 more students along with me. 
Later I realized that this was just a sample, there were several batches like this summing up the total candidates called for the process to be "2400" and try to guess the number of seats...
yeah do it fast...
1000?? No.... Err 750 common.. atleast 500!!
Well my dear friends... here is the first twist..
Just 180 seats out of which
15% reserved for Management Quota.
25% reserved for SC/ST
10% for OBC 
2% for sports, PH, etc etc
5% for kashmiri migrants and what not...
so the total seats for an OPEN CATEGORY guy like me ended up to be just 80-90!!!!
Now if you are really good at maths calculate the competition.
THIS IS INDIA my friends. THIS is when I am reminded of my country's BILLION PLUS population!!

Now the process..
Unlike other B-Schools, SIBM has an additional round. No not the torture chamber though.
Its called the "Group Task". 
Of course they need some "TOOL" to eliminate so many students!

We went in to a conference room. I socialized with my fellow groupmates or rather to say my fellow "Victims". We became quick friends.
I was the 3rd in the group of 14. 
After waiting patiently for 4 hours they give us food coupons.
As usual none of us ate anything much in the morning. So we dived upon the food.
AND wooh... all we get is a small piece of SANDWICH and they tell us its going to be a loooooong day so plz help yourself with the food!!

As soon as I put my little piece of bread in my gigantic mouth, i get a call..
"K Mythreya! Who is Mythreya here! Quick! Stuff ur food into you mouth and run! It's your turn for the interview!!"
I start running without even cleaning my mouth.
As soon as I enter the Big room I find a lady with two men.

"Please come in Mr.Mythreya!"
I walk in, close the door behind me. And I pull the chair..
the chair makes a weary sound! I flash a wried smile on my face.
The lady signals me that i have bread pieces stuck on my lips... 

And then starts the RAPID FIRE ROUND...
"So you are from ELECTRONICS and COMMUNICATIONS engineering."
after they realize that I am BIG ZERO in Technical background and all I have done is timepass in my engineering they venture into other fields.
  Who is the RBI head?"
I bang my head to answer these questions. Few I succeed and few go to the drain.
Then the usual "OK Mythreya tell us why do you want to do your MBA?"
"Ma'am as you know I am into theatre and stuff... I want to open a production company. So I want to do my MBA!"
"What!! Production company? My dear friend then why didn't you tell us before. We were wasting our and your time! You are in the wrong place man! Why have you come to SIBM!
Go to the National School of Drama or the Film Institute of India. Why MBA???"
Time to defend...
"No ma'am... blah blah"
"See Mythreya you seem to be pretty confused in your life? Think first what you want! You are interested in theatre, drama, why waste your life yaar! This MBA thing is all crap man! Do you think once you step in SIBM money will flow to your feet. Companies will beg you to join. And all the girls run behind you to marry?? please don't be in such a dream! Wake up it's recession time! We are all hit badly!"
All I could do was SHUT MY MOUTH and wonder what the hell happened!!!
"OOh you got a job! No two!!! Pretty good man! Wonderful companies! I say go work for two years and come back! See they are offering you 3 lakhs man.....You know how much I got when I started my career? 1.2 lakh.. and look at you 3! that's pretty good! Just go and do your job man! SIBM is not the place for you!"
Thank You!

And I am kicked out of the interview!!

Again wait for all the 14 guys to finish their interviews! 
I don't know what went wrong... everyone came out smiling out of that dark room except MEEE!!!
Crap man! Crap!

Next was the GT or the GROUP TASK.
A student came in and commanded us..
"Stand in the line according to your numbers! Hey you number 3! Stop chit-chatting! You are here for some purpose!" He screamed at me. 
"Now try to put this fact into your head that you are going in for the GT! It's not an individual task so try to do as a group! Use your head! Bend your ass! Get the task done!"
For a time being I thought I was in some army camp! 
As we entered the room, i saw a small circle and some 7-8 feet away from it was a line beyond which was a hanky!
I was just wondering what the hell is this trap..just then..

"I guess most of you have made out what is the task by seeing it! So go ahead with the task!"
Me, "But ma'am what do we have to do?"
"What! So you haven't browsed through the PagalGuy. So you have not done your homework!"
Mocked again...Damn.. 
The task that lie ahead was not simple. It was clearly impossible!!
14 members into he circle, and we had to make a guy jump from the inside of the circle and make him touch the hanky which was lying some 7-8 feet away and bring him back.
NOTE: he should not touch the ground, none of us should cross the boundary of the circle.
So it implied we had to make him jump in the air. Of course we were also given ropes, bricks, clothes, threads, and two footballs. I wonder what footballs were doing there.
Anyway it was clear now, I was certainly into an army camp doing a TARZAN jump. The good thing was I was not chosen to do the suicidal jump!
And guess what...we were given TWO FULL MINUTES to complete the task!
And yeah just as you thought. We made a fool out of oursleves by just clearing 1 feet and not 7-8 feet. The three panelists though had a good time laughing at us making a fool out of ourselves.
So I even got a group which failed as a group!

After the great GT we were rushed to the GD room.
I didn't know what happened, maybe it's just that I am a mere human. AFter waiting for whole 6 hours and without food and such low on confidence and still entering into a GD room..
I couldn't have felt more luckier!!

As we entered the GD room, it was all set. Two more panleists. 
We were given a case study and we were directed to think as a manager!
I hate case studies man! Common if you could think like a manager then why the hell were you trying to do your MBA!!
Well it was a page long case and I had not even finished reading, they said "START" and two-three people started screaming. In a minute almost 6-7 people started talking. No one was listening to anyone. They were just vomiting sentences. All the charming and nice guys and girls who were with me togther and whom I had imagined to be my future peer group at SIBM had suddenly transformed to some monsters! Everyone yelling at everyone. And I had the GREAT BLACKOUT!
I was blank! I didn't understand what was going on. My throat went dry. 
Into the 5th minute, I thought it's now or never. Then suddenly my dear friend No.2 kicks my leg and signals me 'OPEN YOUR STUPID MOUTH!'
I enter the GD finally... BUT.... suddenly everyone stops and they look at me. Pin drop Silence. 
I stare for a full  second at them and then suddnely i shout some crap which is completly irrelevent to the topic and I am again silent.
I do the same shit twice more and shut down for the rest of the GD.
Finally after 12 mins of hell the GD is done with. The panel starts asking few guys to summurize. They were poor souls who couldnt open their mouth just like me.
I am pretty good at summrizing. This is finally my chance.
And wooooooooooh!!
I am NOT asked!!!
They ask to leave....leave just like that...
My last chance to make an impression also went down the drain.

And as I leave the room... Only one thought came to my mind...

The day finally ended...or atleast I thought so.....
GOD had some more things in store for me...

It was alredy 8:30 when i reached PUNE bus-stand. I went in hoping to find a good bus so that I can go and just book my ticket and then eat my dinner and sleep.
Guess what happens!!

"It's friday dude!!" Thats what the travels guy tells me.
All the poeple of PUNE suddenly felt the strong urge to go to Hyderabad on a friday night!
"Dekh bhai last bus 9 ko hai! Woh bhi I can arrange for you cabin!"
"Cabin? woh kya hota hai?" I wonder
"Arey cabin yaar! Driver ke baju mein!"
GREAT.... I am having a hell of a day!!!!
Finally NO FOOD NO SLEEP and the worst day!
I wonder what OPTIMISTS would still find good in this...

So folks... this was my just one me.
I had 3 more like this...
SCMHRD, PUNE - deja vu
IMT nagpur -  why did i attend even!!
GIM - thrown out blissfully. 

XIM, bhuvaneswar
IIT kgp
SIBM Bangalore
IIT kanpur
IIT Madras
these are in the pipeline of hell..
It should be March - the month of hell...

And yeah None of them except XIM are in Hyderabad.
So if you feel I would still love travelling, shifting to 5 cities in one month buring thoudsands and thousands of money..that too all alone..then GOD help you!
No sorry... it must be GOD HELP ME!!