Destroyed in Love

The search..

2011-04-07T10:37:00.005+05:30

Once upon a time in a never never land... this was the time when I wandered in the streets of the unknown cities which cried out loud to me always trying to say something.. trying to find answers to unframed questions.. trying to solve the mystery without knowing what actually the mystery was..

Yes that was the time!

I always wondered how they did it? I mean how could just anyone do it?
It's not that I have not attempted it myself or I am a total starter. I have tried, though I agree that they were not my best but nevertheless I tried. Was I naive? Was there a process i missed? Is there a formula?
Damn it.. why can't I just know what is it that's missing? What is the fucking secret ingredient!!

....................

Finding her was always the difficult part. I was so damn confused always. I mean it's not that I have not tried searching for her. But the image of her was so blur in my head that I could never even see her complete face.
One thing that kept me driving was her eyes. Crystal clear like the blue ocean yet very deceiving. They were the only thing I always kept looking for.

Those eyes...

I could kill for them. Now it was like I was addicted to them.

Well.. when it comes to him, I would not say it was that difficult but not that easy also. I saw him once or twice. But then I tend him loose him always. He changed every time I met him, every time I spoke to him.

But deep down I knew... I just had to find her and he would come running.

Perfect!
Once I get both of them together it will all be set.
I just need to add the magic potion and I am done. Finally!

But ..

The question again is where to find the potion?

Before you think about it let me confess myself - Yes! The irony is I have nothing and yet everything.

..................

They say you could find it anywhere. You just have to keep looking under the sky.

I went to the mountains first, then the valleys... then the river. Nope it was not there.

The villages.. the towns.. the cities.. nothing seem to have given it refuge.

I asked everyone for it - the young and the old; the beauty and the ugly; the dead and the living - none had it.

I rode the horses and reached the city of the god. They said it was found here once.
I searched and searched. No clue of it. Nothing at all.

Could it be in the brothels? Have the virgins of the village hid it secretly?
I met all of them - the loved - unloved; Men and women, even the queen's eunuchs couldn't tell me it's whereabouts.

I looked at the sun, I could not see it directly.
I was lost in the desert. No where to go.

I crawled, I begged for water and food. I knew was dying. The end had arrived.
All I wanted was to touch it once. Was to look at it.

"Find both of them and give it to them." So that they could fulfill the prophecy.

But I never found it.

Never. . . . .

Well the question still remains - "Where is the story!!!"

Monday 9 am to 6 pm

2010-05-07T22:16:00.009+05:30

"Hello Sir.... how are you doing today? I am Rahul calling from Excel Electronics sir. Hope I have not called you at the wrong time? ...... Aaaah yes sir, we talked earlier about the deal..... yes sir.. oh no sir.... no no.... you were interested in our special corporate offer.... yes sir.. yes yes....what!! Star Electronics is offering you a 25% discount.... sir before you think about it... i would like to tell you only one thing... quality is very important sir!! Its electronics you are buying after all...Who are Star Electronics sir!! They just came 2 years ago... but we are there since more than 10 years.... and lets look for a long term relationship sir.... I agree sir, they might be selling you the same specifications.... but look at our service sir.... we will offer you two years free servicing sir.. sir ...sir.... But sir... no sir... we can't give you 25% discount... but..maybe 15%.. ok sir for you 18%.... sir we will also offer you.....we certainly can..... sir.....sir..hello....hello......"

"Bastard!!! Shit!!" I banged the receiver on the table...the reason you already know..

I had lost a deal, a very important deal. This was not the first one I had lost this month. I looked at the calender on my table. It had a girl posing in a bikni by the sea... i did not notice her... all my eyes were set on that one date I had circled with my red marker.... Monday 30th March 2009. This day would determine my future. My performance for the whole quarter would be reviewed on that day.

I looked at today's date, it was 23rd March 2009. One week. I had exactly one week.

"Hi Macha!! Good Morning da..." It was Swami with his usual smile. "What da.. you are looking worried... What happened ... the Inventures Deal is gone aaa...no problem da... try Orbit Computers.. they are planning to start their new branch .. it might work out.. chill da... cheer up... its still 10 am.. you got the whole day to work..."

Swami was right. I couldn't sit like this all day.

Oh! By the way I forgot to tell you what do I do now. Its been long since I talked with you guys. More than a year.. right??

I am Rahul Sharma, Sales Executive, Excel Electronics. I into Air Conditioners. By the way if you want to get relief from this scorching heat.. all you need to do is call me @ 9999966666 - Excel Electronics.

"Bring home our Air Conditioners and live happily ever after!!"

But you know whats the irony of my job. I work in Bangalore and I don't know which fucking asshole put this thought in the minds of the people in Bangalore that, 'Bangalore is the A/C city of India. You don't need A/Cs here...the weather is so cool!" Haaa.. I am gonna kill that bastard soon.

Yeah.. yeah..I know that fucker was absolutely right! I don't have an A/C myself at my home. So all we do is focus on the corporates and the rich guys. Well but there is again a problem. Companies generally won't install new A/Cs unless they are opening up a new branch or expanding their infrastructure. Well so what we do. We wait and we hope. We hope for the economy to recover and pray that everyday someone starts a company in this city of dreams. When I look around all those companies in electronic city and white filed and elsewhere.. I feel proud about the fact that we are making all those thousands and thousands of employees happy. After all we give them cool air to breathe.

But things have changed. We are no more the only vendors. we have stiff competition. Foreign companies, cheap Chinese brands, god we have to fight with everyone.

"Sir! Sir... Manager sir is calling you sir!!" Ramu, the office boy, shouted.

"Humm... So Mr. Sharma.. How is it going? Are you working on your targets? You are way behind Sharma... This is the fourth week you have fallen behind your targets. I have already warned you. March 30th will be your review. If you fail this time then I am afraid we might have to take some serious actions."

And serious action meant only one thing - you are FIRED!!

Yes, this is a sales office and if you fail you will be killed.

"There is no place for failures in this world" My fathers words echoed in my ears suddenly out of no where.... "I always told you.. read well.. don't watch those stupid movies.. don't roam around with girls..... see now what have you done!!" Huh?? what is my mom doing inside my head!! "Mom Dad stop it!! I am not a kid anymore!" I said to myself..

"Mr Sharma!! Mr Sharma... are you listening to me!!" My boss screamed on my face and that woke me up from my day dream.

"I heard you lost the Inventures deal. You know how much that deal was worth! Its two years now and you still don't know how to deal with clients!!"

'Inventures deal!! Gosh! How did he come to know! Is it Swami? No.. it must be that idiot Rajeev, he is the Boss's chamcha... bloody ass-licker!!' I thought...

"Now get the hell out of here and give me results! You are not working for free damn it!!" And I shut the door and walked out of his cabin.

'Damn!'

For the next two hours I called up some 50 people but none of them were even interested to talk with me. It's Monday morning after all. I guess even their bosses screwed their ass and even they have a fucking target to reach. It shouldn't be called Monday! It should be called 'Screw-your-ass day!'

I looked at the watch it was almost one o'clock. I had skipped my breakfast today, I was dying with hunger. I gave a signal to Swami for lunch.

"Enna da... Yenga porein? Lunch aa?? Wait.. naankuda variya.." It was karthik, he wanted to also join us for lunch. He was the only other Tamilian along with Swami.

"Veru Enna vishyam da? How is your girl? I heard you are learning Tamil to impress her?" Swami asked me sheepishly.

"Enna da.. Nijama..." karthik raised his eye-brows.

"What rubbish! Who told you?" I opposed.

"Ayeeee.... don't lie... I saw that 'Learn Tamil in 30 days' book on your table." Swami pointed out.

"Common guys! Just because I learn Tamil.. doesn't mean I am trying to impress her or something. I am just learning a language. You see it always helps." I tried to defend myself but I knew it was a total failure.

"Whatever you do man. I don't think she will fall for you. She is an Iyer girl." Swami stated rather seriously, "I think you should stop wasting your time and concentrate on you work."

"So what if she is an Iyer? I am also a brahmin." I argued.

"Yeah right!!" Swami said sarcastically.

"Ok guys! Stop fighting. Lets order food fast or else boss will scream if we go late. What do you want da.. chicken biryani? Kebabs?" Karthik was focused on his biryani. He had nothing to do with me or "my-girl" talk.

"No chicken for me yaar, I have quit eating non-veg!"

"Yenna!! Quit eating non-vegaaa!! What a fellow da you are!! for her you will also stop eating non-vega? Shut up and eat!" Swami forced me..

"No dude.... I have quit seriously... and it's not for her! Can't I live according to my wish... I am doing all this for myself." I protested.

"Yeah yeah... we know what all you do for yourself... last year you liked the punjabi girl.. so you started eating chicken... and now its a Iyer girl.. so you quit. Great Mr. Sharma... you are really great. Do whatever you want to do. No one can change you!" Swami mocked at me and started eating his food.

...............................................

I saw her through the corner of my eyes. It looked as if she also looked at me, as if she smiled at me. 'This is all illusion brother, It's not gonna happen. Better do your work' Swami signaled me through his eyes.

She was in the HR department. She looked so beautiful. Those beautiful eyes. The perfect figure. And the nice chiffon Saree made her look like an angel! Yes, she is made for me!

But all I could talk with her was about my appraisal and compensation. I was a failure not only in my sales but also in my love life.

I went back to my work. I tried calling some other prospective clients.

Just then...

"Heyy look da.. that mallu guy is trying to steal your girl... " Swami whispered.

"What! Where.." I turned around to look and saw that mallu fucker!

I got to tell you about this guy. I just hate this guy!! Oh you can't imagine the amount of hatred I have for him. He was 23, two years younger than me, passed out from some so-called ivy league MBA college. And he earns twice or thrice as much as i do. He has got the highest sales records, the best employee awards, all the incentives and rewards - who would not hate him!!

My blood boiled whenever I saw him - Rajeev Samuel was his name.

'But what are they probably talking? Oh god! She is even laughing. Aaarrgghhh that bastard! How the hell could she like him.

Aaaah I hate my life!!!'

"Sir... Manger sir aapko cabin mein bula rahe hain" Ramu screamed second time today.

'Why has the boss called me now?? I already had my dose for the day. Well lets see.' I prayed to god, 'I hope he is in a good mood'.

"Aaah Rahul, come in come in." My boss welcomed me with a smile. I was confused was it a harmless smile or the silence before the storm!

"Rahul. I have got good news for you. I have reduced your work for the week. You will be glad to know that from now Rajeev will take over the Chopras deal. You can give him the file and other information. And you can concentrate on other clients." He said with a smile.

"What!!!! But Sir.. I have been following up with them sir. I might also close the deal this week. Why do you want to give it to Rajeev now?? I can handle it sir" .

Damn! This was my worst dream come true. The chopras were my ticket to reach my targets. That would be a huge deal which could save me. And I had the feeling I was going to loose my trump card.

"Well you see Rahul, you have already taken enough time on the chopras. And moreover the main reason I am giving this deal to Rajeev is because he knows the chopras personally. He had cracked the earlier deal with them. Ideally even this deal should have gone to him. It was Rajeev who had suggested that it would be better if he takes this up. " My boss said something but nothing went into my head except the fact that Rajeev Samuel had raped me and stole the deal from me!!!

"Sir please sir! I am very close sir. Just give me two days sir, I will close the deal. Sir this is unfair sir!" I pleaded.

"Unfair! How could you say that Mr.Sharma! I have given you enough time on this deal. You have tried and failed. I cannot wait any longer. This is a very important deal. You have already made a loss today. I can't take any risk. Its better you concentrate on other deals. Leave the big ones to others." My boss blabbered again. "Now go and do your work. And give the file to Rajeev."

Just as I was leaving the cabin, Rajeev entered. He gave me a evil smile. I could read those eyes saying, 'aah! I screwed you brother. Now even she is mine!! I will have the promotion also! What will you do?'

'Arrrgggh!! I am gonna kill you fucking bastard!!' I could only say that in my mind.

I took the file to keep at his cubicle. I don't want to face him.

"Riiiiiinnnggg Rinnnggggg Rinnnggg"

The phone rang at his desk. I was confused, should I pick it up or....

"Ramu.. Ramu... " I screamed. No response.

Finally I answered, "Hello. Excel Electronics. How may I help you..... No sir.. Rajeev is not present at the moment. You can tell me... sir.. ..what.... ohhh... its about confirming the deal for 30 A/Cs... sir can I have you contact details sir.....you want to pay today itself.... cheque it will be.... but sir I regret to say.. but Mr.Rajeev is no longer with us sir... oh no.. he just resigned today... yeah... you can call me on my number sir.. i will give you my personal number... dont worry sir.. your order will reach you in time.... I am Rahul Sharma Sir.....One important thing sir... please do not call on this number again sir... this number has being alloted to the HR department sir... dont worry sir... i will come personally to collect the cheque sir....have a nice day sir..thanks for calling!"

'Aaah! Some revenge atleast! If you can steal..then so can I' I said to myself.

But this was not enough... I needed more leads. I looked my leads, there were nil. I cannot generate leads all over now. I looked at his computer. It was on and at the desktop was a folder with the name - "Leads for March - April" . I opened the document.

'Damn! This guy has some 500 leads. How can he generate so many. Gosh.'

If I could get this excel sheet. I would survive. Else I would be fired.

'Take it. All you have to do is put your pendrive and copy it. Take it. Take it.' A voice told me in my head. 'You can do it. He has stolen from you. You should also take your revenge.'

'But I already took it. I stole his order!' I replied to the voice.

'You know thats not enough! You know without this you cannot complete your targets. You will be thrown out of this office. You will be jobless. She will also be gone. You will never ever see her if you get thrown out of this company. Rajeev will have her also! Do it, do it for her!' The voice screamed in my head.

I decided to steal the leads from his computer.

'where is my pendrive. shit its in my desk.' I had to go back to my desk.

"Enna da.... wassup?? why did the boss call you? Anything serious? You look tensed.." It was Swami.

'Haa wrong time swami. Should I tell swami what I was upto? No No.. I cannot tell him. This is serious issue.' I decided not to tell anything to Swami. But he was consuming all my time.

'Shit! Rajeev is back in his cabin. Now I will have to wait for him to leave again.' I waited impatiently at my desk. All my eyes at Rajeev's cubicle.

Half an hour passed.

Swami, "Hey what da... you seem lost?? Why don't you work! Work da work... or the big buffalo will screw you again. " he was referring to my boss by the way.

One more hour passed, but Rajeev was still at his cubicle.

I waited and waited.

Suddenly he rose from his cubicle. He went into the Manager's office.

This was my chance. I got the pendrive and went towards the cubicle.

Just as I was about to enter his cubicle, Swami caught my hand.

"Rahul..... did you hear this? Swetha is fired! Just now the boss fired her!" Swami was shocked and so was I!

"What!! But why??" I asked

"Orders from the head office it seems. Today was her final review. She did not perform well this quarter. And anyway you know the main reason. That fat buffalo was always against her. Politics I tell you bloody fuckers!" Swami screamed.

"You are true. But who will be the Asst.Sales Manager now?" I asked

"Who else... that ass-licker Rajeev. " Swami replied.

"What the fuck dude!!" I slammed my fist on the wall of the cubicle. Rajeev's cubicle.

Half an hour later.

"Sir ... Rahul Sir.. Manger sir aapko bula rahe hain!" Ramu screamed, third time today.

And this time I wondered again why.

"Sir... you called me. " I went in. Rajeev was also there in the cabin.

"yes Rahul. I have some news for you. I regret to tell you but due to some unaviodable circumstances Ms. Swetha is no longer with us. It was a surprise to me you know. But since

work has to go on, I have decided to make you the Asst.Sales Manager."

"What! Sir.. me!!"

"yes Rahul. I know this is unexpected, frankly I had Rajeev in mind for this post, but I just received orders from the head office. Rajeev has received a transfer and he is shifting to the delhi branch. So it will be you!"

"Huh?? What!! Oohh.... " I was shocked and speechless!

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The above story is purely a work of fiction and the names, places and things in the story are completely fictional. Any resemblance to any place, thing or person is a mere coincidence.

Special thanks to Bharat Venkatesh.

The Rao's Part 2

2009-05-17T23:18:00.000+05:30

this is a continuation of the Roa's Part 1

.................................................

"Oh god please help him this time! I will fast now every saturday also if he gets the visa. I will walk all the way up the Tirupati hill for your darshan. I will also make sure this time Ramesh shaves his head for you. Oh god! Please help my son." kausalya prayed just like any other Indian mother. This time she had a long list of offerings and just a small request, the Visa.

They say when it comes to the Visa it's all pure luck.

"After the terrorist attacks, I have heard they are rejecting Visas. I tell you it is very difficult to get one these days. You know my brother's neighbor's son, his Visa was rejected recently. I have heard he even had a 75% in his bachelors. By the way, how much did Ramesh get? Does he has distinction? kausalya... are you even listening to what I am saying?" Malini, kausalya's neighbor was trying to share her insights.

But.. Kausalya.. she was lost in her prayers. Malini's words, though they reached her ears but they never made it to her mind.

Kausalya knew only one thing. Each and everything is in the hands of the almighty. And she was determined to please him.

..........................................

"Maaaaaaaa..... I did it... I flying to the USA... MBA.... mom... your son is going to be an M.B.A," Ramesh screamed with joy and hugged Kausalya. At that moment kausalya forgot everything, herself, her god, all she knew that it was the happiest moment of her son's life and so as her's.

Tears and Kausalya were close sisters. Kausalya expressed her every emotion with tears. She would cry if she was sad, she would cry even if she was happy and even in anger.

"Your name should have been ganga instead of Kausalya," Srinivas would always remark.

But today they were the happy ones.

The god of visa had indeed answered her prayers.

"I will have to pay four lakhs as first instalment to the college in a week," Ramesh declared.

"Yes yes. Don't worry. Your father will look after that," Kausalya said with a certain conviction although she didn't knew how her husband, an employee at a small private firm, could manage that.

"In one month I will be in California, USA. Mom do you even know how far is California from here? It takes almost a day even if you travel by the plane," Ramesh seemed all excited about his future.

And all kausalya could see was that her son would leave her and go to some far far land. Twenty two years and never ever was he away from her. Or was he?

She remembered, two years ago Ramesh had gone to a tour with his friends for a week. She remembered how she would call him day and night. She was so worried about his food. And about his safety, infact she never ever wanted to allow him to go so far to Goa all alone with his friends. But Ramesh would not listen to her.

"Will you call me everyday from California?" Asked kausalya with tears in her eyes.

"Of course I will Ma! Maaaaaa... Please don't cry not today at least. I am in such a happy mood," Ramesh tried to cheer her up.

"Well I have lot of things to do. I need to do my shopping, by the way I need all new clothes I tell you. I will also have to buy a laptop and the most important thing I need to book the ticket as early as possible. There are lot of things. I better write them down," Ramesh was lost in his own world. Infact in his new world.

.........................................

DING DINGG!

"It must be your father. Open the door beta," Kausalya screamed from the Kitchen.

"Oh mom! Please do it for yourself. I am busy on the internet," Ramesh replied.

Rubbing her face with her dough hands she made a dash to the door. She knew it, it was her husband.

"Ramesh got the Visa!" kausalya cried out with ecxitment as soon as she saw Srinivas.

"He got the Visa today morning. Didn't I tell you my prayers would be answered." She repeated thinking Srinivas might not have listened to her properly.

Srinivas looked tired more than usual.

He did hear the news, but there was no excitment, no happiness in his face. No reaction.

'What happened? Let me get you a glass of water first. I know you must be tired," kausalya rushed to fetch a glass of water.

"So what do you think? Oh! I am sorry. Ramesh should tell you this by himself. let me call him," kausalya tried to call Ramesh but was interrupted by Srinivas.

"No. Not now. I am not in a good mood."

"What happened? Is everything ok?"

"Nothing. Just leave me alone for sometime."

"But tell me what happened!" Kausalya tried to ask.

"Nothing. I told you I am not in a good mood!" Srinivas screamed.

"What do you mean you are not in a good mood. Are you not happy for your son? Don't you wish that he should live a happy life? Now that today he has achieved something, isn't it your duty to share his happiness?" kausalya went on.

"It's not that. I am tired. We will talk tommorrow."

"Tommorrow? When do you have time for us? Always work work work. Why did you even marry me when you don't have time." Tears ran through her cheeks.

"There are so many things you should attend to. So many responsibilities. We have to pay the fees in a week. He has to book his flight ticket. Buy few things. It's only a month you know. We also have to go to Tirupati. So many things..... when do we have time to talk."

"It's not that! You don't understand!"

"What it is that I don't understand?"

"I lost my job today!!!!" Srinivas screamed and silence followed.

................................................................

to be continued.....

p.s: I dedicate this story to my parents

...................................................

Note: the characters and the incidents describes in the story are purely fictitious and bear no resemblance with anyone living or dead. Any resemblance is purely a coincidence.

The Voice

2009-05-16T18:43:00.000+05:30

Splaaaaash!

I tried to wash my eyes so that I could wake up. I looked at the watch with my eyes half open half closed, still wanting to shut down and go to bed.

The watch said half past two in the morning.

I knew it was an odd time but "I have to do this!" I told myself. "Time is never an issue for a writer! And in fact the night is the best time to write, with so much silence!"

Suddenly....

"Oh for GOD sake switch off the light and go back to sleep you fool!!" someone screamed from somewhere. I looked around to find who it was.

"Hello Mr.! Where are you looking? I am speaking from inside you." The voice replied again.

"Inside me?? What the crap are you talking? Are you some kind of ghost or something?" I was terrified.

"Aaah! You idiot haven't you seen those Indian movies where in the inner conscience reflects in the mirror and talks with the hero! Arey yaar I am your 'Antar-Atma'."

"What the crap are you talking! Why don't you show yourself!" I screamed with fear.

"Well sorry dude! We Antar-Atmas have not yet evolved so much that we can show up ourselves." The voice replied calmly.

I didn't know what to do at all. Fear, confusion, bewilderment, every strange emotion seems to haunt me.

"How can I trust. I need proof!" I rambled something out of my mouth finally.

"Proof?? Well it's like asking yourself who are you! Well I won't mind your stupidity, go on."

"Tell me my name..and.. my date of birth!"

"Mythreya... a.k.a matty, maddy... born on 23rd feb 87 at Kurnool, a small city in Andhra Pradesh. Want more proof? Ask me!"

"My favourite color?"

"black and white. And you like these colours because your ex-girl friend Pooja loved them. And don't be stunned. I also know everything about Pooja. I know that you still love her somewhere deep in your heart, though you pretend as if you have forgotten her and moved on. So what more do you want to know? The first time you met her? The first time you held her hand? First kiss? About your first....."

"Enough! Shut up now! Why the hell are you out of my body suddenly! Let me work. I am a writer!"

"Aaaaaaaah! Don't tell me this crap! Writer! Who the hell told you so?"

"What..."

"Writer! Nice way to cover up your joblessness. The thing is your are worthless."

"Now if you don't shut up...."

"What can you do to me? Can you punch yourself? Can you kick yourself? Ha ha ha. Atleast someone is having fun!"

"I don't want to talk to you. Let me do my work. I am begging you, Please!"

"Aah! I hate it when you cry like a sissy. Well show me what are you writing."

"Huh?? I cannot show you anything now...."

"Then tell me your story........ I will tell you how is it."

"Ok.. wait..... well.. I was thinking to write a horror story."

"A horror story! Humm... go on... tell me what it is..."

"The story beings in a gloomy night... the door opens slowly....'keeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkk'... the monstrous witch enters... her long poisonous teeth... her sharp nails.... her hair all messed up.... she is very very scary.... and aaaaaah.. yes... who is her victim... a poor thin man. Yes this is it. This is it!!"

"Whaaaaaat! This does not sound like a horror story to me. This is every married man's story!"

"Oooh is it! I never thought of it that way.. humm... poor chaps! Well... how about romantic stories! Yes romance it is...."

"Humm.. well .. let us see.."

"Romance.. love.... humm.. love happens in college right! College stairs.... before the library.... a beautiful girl is walking with books in her hands... and opposite to her.. a handsome young boy.. is walking straight down towards her.... she is walking.... he is coming .... she is walking.. he is coming... and then suddenly......'DASSSHHH' they hit each other... the books fall down.... the girl bends down to pick up them... the boy helps her.... both of them see each other... eyes meet eyes... breathe meets breathe... and love takes birth... yes.. this is it....THIS IS IT!!!!"

"Hello oo Mr we are not living in the eighties... this is the twenty first century.... love does not happen like this.... today everything is online....online love.. online marriages.... and ...sometimes... even. online... ...honeymoon....."

"Honeymoon!!"

"yeah yeah.. saw it in some site..."

"Oh! Humm... how about an action thriller?"

"Just shut up haan! You lack everything. Have you read the book "how to write fiction" by Dick Harry? Or his "1001 fiction plots"?"

"Dick harry? Who is he? Is he a famous writer? Has he written any famous stories?"

"Oh no! He is not into fiction. He just helps people write fiction!"

"Oh!"

"Well you see there should be planning, you should have a format on how to write a story.... make a plan... choose the plot.... choose the characters... mix some emotions.... add some masala to the climax... and we have a perfect story!"

"ooh... doesn't it look like cooking a dish!"

"Well story writing is in fact cooking..... that's why they say...'cooking up a story!'"

"Humm..."

"What the hell are you talking to yourself at five in the morning! Didn't you sleep?" My mom suddenly came from the behind.

"Woooh! Mom.. you scared me! I was cooking....err...writing a story!"

"oh! So you got a story? No.... i figured out I don't have the right ingredients!"

"Huh? Humm.. this boy is really crazy!"

................................................................................

p.s: people say when you are confused listen to your inner-conscience. I did it and I got this!

The Rao's Part 1

2009-04-04T22:29:00.000+05:30

"kausalya! Kausalya! Where is my shirt? You know I am getting late to office, I told you yesterday night I have a meeting with my Director today!" screamed Srinivas running out the bathroom with a towel covering his 'vital' parts and water dripping all over the floor.

"Coming coming!" Kausalya ran from the kitchen to help her husband. She slipped on the wet floor but caught hold of the door and saved herself from a fall.

"How many times have I told you to dry up yourself in the bathroom itself! What if I had slipped and fell on floor. Had I factured my leg you would have had to shell out some ten grand for the doctor's bill! And who would have cooked for you? Your mother?" Kausalya replied back to her husband sharply. She was relieved that she had escaped the fall but she was sad that now she had to clean up the floor all by herself.

"Atleast eat your breakfast!" kausalya squawked from the back.

"No no! I have to run or I will miss the bus!" Srinivas defended.

Srinivas dashed towards the exit.

Almost an hour later in the nearby room someone was trying to still sleep even as the sungod trying to wake him himself.

"Beta! Wake up! Its ten in the morning." kausalya shouted in her usual tone.

"Mom! I slept at two in the morning. Let me have some sleep." Ramesh replied in a sleepy mood.

But he knew it, it was the end of his lovely dream in which he was laying almost naked with three girls on a beach and doing things which are unmentionable in a country like India and unthinkable in a family like the Roa's!

While Ramesh was having his breakfast, kausalya asked, "so what are your plans today? Are you going out? should i cook lunch for you?"

Ramesh paused for a whole minute and thought about things he was supposed to do or might do. When nothing came to his mind, he promptly called Rahul.

"Hi dude? What! still in bed you idiot! Wake up man..... Hey by the way, how about a movie?.....

the afternoon show? ... what! we already saw all the movies? nothing left out? .... hey wait a minute.... we didn't see 'Ratoon ki rani' ... oh its not worth! ...nothing ..no scenes kya? ... oh God! then what shall we do man!! .... do one thing.. just come to my place we will decide.. i am hanging up.... balance low... bye!" Ramesh wondered what he would today.

"Why don't you go the sidhivinayaka temple today and pray for your MBA result! God's grace is a must in such matters! I am even fasting for you every thursday!" kausalya justified.

"Mom! Please don't get started now! I am very busy. And anyway, I am sure God has lot to do than to listen to my prayers." Ramesh stated stolidly.

"I tell you its waste arguing with you!" kausalya tried to convince but she knew it was waste.

"By the way? What is Rahul doing these days? Is he also joining MBA this time?" She enquired.

She thought it was her parental duty to know about her son's friends. A person's character is judged by the kind of friend's he has. She had read this somewhere.

Kausalya has always wanted Ramesh to do his MBA because one of her distant relatives son had also done his MBA and was now residing in the US of A.

Though Kausalya never even dreamt of a life without Ramesh, but still she felt her son's life would be secured in the United States of America than the Andhra state of India. She even heard Srinivas telling "the competition in India is too high. All because of population. And the government is so biased. Reservations even in higher education! And we suffer because we were born in a forward caste! This is so injustice!"

Kausalya had always wished a better life for her son.

.................................................................

Kausalya woke up early that day. It was the judgement day. It was the day her future would be decided. Appa had decided to marry off her if she again failed this time. Her mother was silent as usual and played no significant role rather than cooking and keeping the house clean, so Kausalya couldn't expect any help from her.

Ramu, he little brother bought her the newspaper. She trembled as she flipped through the pages. '

What if she passed, will appa agree to send her to Madras to study? After all there was no college in her village. How can she stay without appa and amma?' Her mind dwindled around these thoughts. But fate had something else for her.

"The girl cooks very well and also knows stitching. She also sings very well." Amma spoke to a fat lady with hope in her eyes. But nothing seem to convince the fat lady.

"kausalya please sing the sitarama kalyanam song." Amma asked her.

Kausalya was very nervous. All eyes were fixed on her. Amma had strictly ordered her to not even look up and answer only when asked.

But admist all these, kausalya quickly glanced from the corner of her eye to have a look at the prospectus groom. He was not at all like she had imagined. He didn't wear the tight bell bottoms, nor did he had the stylish ring the south indian heroes had. She was disappointed.

A week after a letter arrived stating that the fat lady was pleased to accept Kausalya as her daughter-in-law but she had also sent a list of things they wanted and the probable date of marriage. But no one asked what kausalya wanted.

............................................................

Twenty eight years later, cleaning the shelf, kausalya looked at her wedding photo and thought for a second, was this the life she wanted? Srinivas was a good man. He earned a decent salary. He came home early from work. Never said anything to his wife. What else was needed?

Suddenly she found something. It was a small Vinayaka Idol. Srinivas had gifted it to her on their first anniversary. She smiled looking at it.

She wondered sometimes if Srinivas now remembered their anniversary or as a matter of fact even her birthday!

'When was the last time Srinivas took her to a movie or to a restaraunt...' she barely remembered any such incident.

It was years when they last made love.

All their life they had worked hard so that they could afford this thousand square feet apartment and could save for Ramesh's higher studies.

They never bothered about themselves.

Srinivas would proudly say "My assest is my son! What more do I need?".

Queitly dusting the books kausalya wondered how they would be able to live when their son leaves for the USA. But what will he eat there? Will he get the same food? She had even heard that the people in the US of A eat cow's meat!

She was worried how will her vegetarian Brahmin son survive in that country!

"I will have to pack him atleast five jars of pickels. My poor son!" She tried to console herself.

The Talk

2009-03-19T16:16:00.000+05:30

[conversation overheard]

"Hey hey look girls!! Shahid is looking so cute...... wow! I wonder why kareena dumped him?"

"No i think saif looks matured! Shahid looks like a kid!"

"whatever... move to the next pic!"

"Woooooh! Who is he??????"

"Oooooooh i really don't know where that came from!!! Sorry girls but he... err... he...."

"Just tell us who is he??"

"He is just a friend nothing else! Trsut me!!"

"Are you sure??? I doubt! Bol kab se chal raha hai? God! You didn't even tell us!! Thats bad Pooja, thats bad!!"

"No no nothing like that....please girls ....try to understand me. He is just a friend!"

"Ok enough of crap Poo! Tell us the whole story!"

"Well... ok ok ok!! it was like.. i met him and he is comepletly mad at me!! Right from the first day! he has proposed me and I wanted to ask your help."

"Humm!! Not bad girl! Well he is ok, not bad!"

"Are you nuts! Look at his pot belly!! He is soo fat!!!"

"And god! He has no sense of dressing! Look what he is wearing! Not even branded!!"

"And look at his face yaar! So dull, boring! Not even a smile!!!"

"Common yaar! Just don't decide by the looks!!Pooja I feel he is not that bad"

"Shut up! what the hell do you know about boys?? You never even had a real boy-friend in your life!! I had four of them! I know lot girls! Trust me!!"

"Pooja, tell are you serious about him?? Don't tell me you are dating THIS GUY!!!"

"No no!! He is just a friend! I have not said him yes till now!!"

"That's good! Well lets look at the other prospects! So which car does he own?"

"What!!! He doesn't even own a bike!!!"

"GODDD what are you doing girl!!! he is such a loser!"

"Nevermind! What does he do? Has he got a job or something? Settled??"

"What!!! Jobless!!!"

"Don't tell me about the Recession and all those stupid things!!"

"Look at you! You will get a lot better guys! You have a job. You own a car yourself! Why the hell do you even look at this guy!"

"Please girls! Stop it! Pooja I think what important is the character!!"

"Stop it Priya!! You and your character go to hell. You don't know anything so just shut up! Pooja baby listen to me. Ok lets forget about all the things! he is not rich, he is not settled, but baby what about the looks!! Don't you want six-packs??? Just like john, hrithik, srk!! Common baby there are so many out there. All my boy friends had six packs!! They knew what i want!"

"And hey look closer he even has pimples!!! Ewwwwwww"

"God! So clumsy!"

"How do you bear him even!!"

"By the way.... tell me did you do anything??"

"GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

.....................

Ok folks! I guess the conversation was getting a bit personal so i had to cut down the audio!

Well yeah you guessed it right!

The guy being talked is of course RAHUL!

just kidding rahul...

its not you. It was me!!

I have to accept it. It's tough.

And they tell me it's a "man' s world ou there".

Wooh!!

P.S: No offence to ladies out there. And yeah even RAHUL doesn't have six pack abs!

It happened to Me

2009-03-06T06:52:00.001+05:30

The scene is set in a dark room with two big monstrous looking guys and a woman who looks even dangerous. They are waiting happily to rip apart me and cut me into small pieces. The typical torture room. I look into the lady's eyes. Red with blood. Suddenly her teeth grows longer and sharper, she bares her claws, the men take out their horrendous weapons. I want to run but GODDD they have chained me...

Everything suddenly goes dark... I feel unconscious.

SPLASHHHH!!

They throw water upon my face and focus light right into my eyes...

and finally break the silence...

"Draw me the NAND gate using op-amps! Whaat you don't know!!

What's the amplitude difference between GSM and CDMA?

Oh! So you are a lousy engineer? Now I know why your marks are so low!"

Yes!

You almost guessed it right. It was one of my B-School interviews!

Trust me i could only give you a verbal description of the torture. It was hell.

...........................................................................................................................................

You know it all starts happily just like a bollywood movie. Happy family, the kids are all smiling, the wife is all smiling. Ok ok I wont go into the movie details now!

It was the same for me too.

i wrote the entrance exams. Fared well.

"Congratulations Mythreya! We are happy to inform you that you have been selected for our next round of selection i.e GD/PI"

The monitor flashes this "feel good" message. And yeah I am happy, my mom dad.. and not to forget suddenly my girl friend, who thought till yesterday that i was really good for nothing, showers extra loveeeee upon me, pampering me, even the romance is all time high.

'Wowww! Not bad man' That's what I say to myself.

And then the whole process begins.

PUNE - SIBM interview: the first of the season!

"I love travelling! Yeah trust me. In a way I feel travelling and going to new places helps you discover yourself. I feel like I am so close to nature."

OK! This crap was purely for the interview.

I land in pune a day earlier so that I could be comfortable with the city and all.

As soon as I enter the streets of Pune looking for a Lodge, my eyes run a 100 miles per sec speed checking out hundreds of girls. BEAUTIFUL GIRLS!!

Woow! CHICK HEAVEN!

(Really no offence to ladies. I am a nature lover and an admirer of beauty!!! TRUST ME!)

After a nice opening I settle in my room. Wander here and there. look at some more "EYE CANDIES" and then have some nice Maharastrian food.

The night was long....

We roll in the bed together, clinging together tightly, then a scream.....

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

You dirty minds....what were you thinking!!

it was me screaming and "We" meant THE BED BUGS AND THE MOSQUITO'S which gave me company for the whole night crawling up my body, sucking my sweet blood and yeah thankfully I didn't even close my eyes once the whole night.

THE D-Day :

Gooosh! It was 10!!! I rushed to look at my call letter. 12 noon reporting time. 2 hours left. Ample time. The calender read "FRIDAY the THIRTEEN". What a day to kick off my first interview of the season!

By 12 I am at their campus.

IT's one of the Best Campuses in India! 280 acres in a hill top. 2850 feet above the ground. Rather a hill station to put it technically. And a splendid infrastructure. With even a cricket ground!!!

Woow!!

All good things come to an end. And so did the happy scene.
I was somewhat shocked to see 239 more students along with me.

Later I realized that this was just a sample, there were several batches like this summing up the total candidates called for the process to be "2400" and try to guess the number of seats...

yeah do it fast...

1000?? No.... Err 750 something....what...no.....hummm common.. atleast 500!!

Well my dear friends... here is the first twist..

Just 180 seats out of which

15% reserved for Management Quota.

25% reserved for SC/ST

10% for OBC

2% for sports, PH, etc etc

5% for kashmiri migrants and what not...

Pheewww

so the total seats for an OPEN CATEGORY guy like me ended up to be just 80-90!!!!

Now if you are really good at maths calculate the competition.

THIS IS INDIA my friends. THIS is when I am reminded of my country's BILLION PLUS population!!

Now the process..

Unlike other B-Schools, SIBM has an additional round. No not the torture chamber though.

Its called the "Group Task".

Of course they need some "TOOL" to eliminate so many students!

We went in to a conference room. I socialized with my fellow groupmates or rather to say my fellow "Victims". We became quick friends.

I was the 3rd in the group of 14.

After waiting patiently for 4 hours they give us food coupons.

As usual none of us ate anything much in the morning. So we dived upon the food.

AND wooh... all we get is a small piece of SANDWICH and they tell us its going to be a loooooong day so plz help yourself with the food!!

As soon as I put my little piece of bread in my gigantic mouth, i get a call..

"K Mythreya! Who is Mythreya here! Quick! Stuff ur food into you mouth and run! It's your turn for the interview!!"

I start running without even cleaning my mouth.

As soon as I enter the Big room I find a lady with two men.

"Please come in Mr.Mythreya!"

I walk in, close the door behind me. And I pull the chair..

KEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!

the chair makes a weary sound! I flash a wried smile on my face.

The lady signals me that i have bread pieces stuck on my lips...

WHAT A START!!!!!!

And then starts the RAPID FIRE ROUND...

"So you are from ELECTRONICS and COMMUNICATIONS engineering."

after they realize that I am BIG ZERO in Technical background and all I have done is timepass in my engineering they venture into other fields.

"What is MUTUAL FUNDS? STOCK EXCHANGE? CRR? FISCAL POLICY? INFLATION?
Who is the RBI head?"

I bang my head to answer these questions. Few I succeed and few go to the drain.

Then the usual "OK Mythreya tell us why do you want to do your MBA?"

"Ma'am as you know I am into theatre and stuff... I want to open a production company. So I want to do my MBA!"

"What!! Production company? My dear friend then why didn't you tell us before. We were wasting our and your time! You are in the wrong place man! Why have you come to SIBM!

Go to the National School of Drama or the Film Institute of India. Why MBA???"

Time to defend...

"No ma'am... blah blah"

"See Mythreya you seem to be pretty confused in your life? Think first what you want! You are interested in theatre, drama, why waste your life yaar! This MBA thing is all crap man! Do you think once you step in SIBM money will flow to your feet. Companies will beg you to join. And all the girls run behind you to marry?? please don't be in such a dream! Wake up it's recession time! We are all hit badly!"

All I could do was SHUT MY MOUTH and wonder what the hell happened!!!

"OOh you got a job! No two!!! Pretty good man! Wonderful companies! I say go work for two years and come back! See they are offering you 3 lakhs man.....You know how much I got when I started my career? 1.2 lakh.. and look at you 3! that's pretty good! Just go and do your job man! SIBM is not the place for you!"

Thank You!

And I am kicked out of the interview!!

Again wait for all the 14 guys to finish their interviews!

I don't know what went wrong... everyone came out smiling out of that dark room except MEEE!!!

Crap man! Crap!

Next was the GT or the GROUP TASK.

A student came in and commanded us..

"Stand in the line according to your numbers! Hey you number 3! Stop chit-chatting! You are here for some purpose!" He screamed at me.

"Now try to put this fact into your head that you are going in for the GT! It's not an individual task so try to do as a group! Use your head! Bend your ass! Get the task done!"

For a time being I thought I was in some army camp!

As we entered the room, i saw a small circle and some 7-8 feet away from it was a line beyond which was a hanky!

I was just wondering what the hell is this trap..just then..

"I guess most of you have made out what is the task by seeing it! So go ahead with the task!"

Me, "But ma'am what do we have to do?"

"What! So you haven't browsed through the PagalGuy. So you have not done your homework!"

Mocked again...Damn..

The task that lie ahead was not simple. It was clearly impossible!!

14 members into he circle, and we had to make a guy jump from the inside of the circle and make him touch the hanky which was lying some 7-8 feet away and bring him back.

NOTE: he should not touch the ground, none of us should cross the boundary of the circle.

So it implied we had to make him jump in the air. Of course we were also given ropes, bricks, clothes, threads, and two footballs. I wonder what footballs were doing there.

Anyway it was clear now, I was certainly into an army camp doing a TARZAN jump. The good thing was I was not chosen to do the suicidal jump!

And guess what...we were given TWO FULL MINUTES to complete the task!

GREAT!

And yeah just as you thought. We made a fool out of oursleves by just clearing 1 feet and not 7-8 feet. The three panelists though had a good time laughing at us making a fool out of ourselves.

So I even got a group which failed as a group!

Woow!!

After the great GT we were rushed to the GD room.

I didn't know what happened, maybe it's just that I am a mere human. AFter waiting for whole 6 hours and without food and such low on confidence and still entering into a GD room..

I couldn't have felt more luckier!!

As we entered the GD room, it was all set. Two more panleists.
We were given a case study and we were directed to think as a manager!

I hate case studies man! Common if you could think like a manager then why the hell were you trying to do your MBA!!

Well it was a page long case and I had not even finished reading, they said "START" and two-three people started screaming. In a minute almost 6-7 people started talking. No one was listening to anyone. They were just vomiting sentences. All the charming and nice guys and girls who were with me togther and whom I had imagined to be my future peer group at SIBM had suddenly transformed to some monsters! Everyone yelling at everyone. And I had the GREAT BLACKOUT!

I was blank! I didn't understand what was going on. My throat went dry.

Into the 5th minute, I thought it's now or never. Then suddenly my dear friend No.2 kicks my leg and signals me 'OPEN YOUR STUPID MOUTH!'

I enter the GD finally... BUT.... suddenly everyone stops and they look at me. Pin drop Silence.

I stare for a full second at them and then suddnely i shout some crap which is completly irrelevent to the topic and I am again silent.

I do the same shit twice more and shut down for the rest of the GD.

Finally after 12 mins of hell the GD is done with. The panel starts asking few guys to summurize. They were poor souls who couldnt open their mouth just like me.

I am pretty good at summrizing. This is finally my chance.

And wooooooooooh!!

I am NOT asked!!!

They ask to leave....leave just like that...

My last chance to make an impression also went down the drain.

And as I leave the room... Only one thought came to my mind...

"FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO!!!"

The day finally ended...or atleast I thought so.....

GOD had some more things in store for me...

It was alredy 8:30 when i reached PUNE bus-stand. I went in hoping to find a good bus so that I can go and just book my ticket and then eat my dinner and sleep.

Guess what happens!!

SHIT!!

"It's friday dude!!" Thats what the travels guy tells me.

All the poeple of PUNE suddenly felt the strong urge to go to Hyderabad on a friday night!

Crap!!!

"Dekh bhai last bus 9 ko hai! Woh bhi I can arrange for you cabin!"

"Cabin? woh kya hota hai?" I wonder

"Arey cabin yaar! Driver ke baju mein!"

BESIDE THE DRIVER!!!

GREAT.... I am having a hell of a day!!!!

Finally NO FOOD NO SLEEP and the worst day!

I wonder what OPTIMISTS would still find good in this...

So folks... this was my just one story...trust me.

I had 3 more like this...

SCMHRD, PUNE - deja vu

IMT nagpur - why did i attend even!!

GIM - thrown out blissfully.

XIM, bhuvaneswar

IIT kgp

SIBM Bangalore

IIT kanpur

IIT Madras

Wellingkar

these are in the pipeline of hell..

It should be March - the month of hell...

And yeah None of them except XIM are in Hyderabad.

So if you feel I would still love travelling, shifting to 5 cities in one month buring thoudsands and thousands of money..that too all alone..then GOD help you!

No sorry... it must be GOD HELP ME!!

Love :

2009-01-26T20:03:00.000+05:30

What does this four lettered word really mean to you?

[Voices]
"Love is beautiful! Love is life."
"Pyar dosti hai!!"
"Humm... define love? Humm... Love..... errrrr.......humm...."
"Love is crap i tell you. This is all shit. There is nothing more to it than physical attraction!"
"Love to me is preeti! I love preeti!" "Awwwwwww!!! I love you too darling".
"I really really love rahul. He is rich. He's got an awesome car. He is got this huge bungalow. Man! I just love his money... err ...i mean i really love him!!"
"Love? How has time for all this crap?"
"Love........... humm.... yeah I remember.. i fell in love too at my college... magar. haan ab itne saaloon ke baad yeh sab.... kya yaar tum bhi kya sawaal poochte rehte ho!"
"Sorry yaar.. I am busy. Will tell you later pakka!!"

And I thought I was the only one who didn't knew the definition.
Confused Times!!
.................................................................................................

Have you ever wondered how long a minute is? Lately I just realized its reallly long!!
And the minute I am talking about is not just a minute, it's the one when you suddenly forget words. Suddenly taken over by silence. And all this with the girl before you whom you thought was everything once!
Like going to a movie alone.....
Suddenly you even start hating the food...
And finally wondering was it just me who was feeling so or was she feeling the same...
And when you think twice to ask...... I guess it's BIG TIME....

"Maybe you will get someone better. Someone more beautiful and sensible. Someone whom your parents will accept!!" These are the words my girl friend finally speaks after a looong silence.
I am sorry I don't know if I still can use the word "girlfriend" legally...
"You are caring enough maddy! No... I don't find that security .. that feeling of.. i just don't feel like that anymore! I cannot trust you!!" Another missile. I guess all the missles left untested were fired at me randomly.

Fianlly I gathered strength and spoke up..
"Look... I know I am not perfect but...."
"Perfect!!!!! I am just begging you to be a human. You are not a kid and I am certainly not your mom!!" she cried out from her lungs.
"Please for godsake. Please lets not start all over again...." I begged..
"There is nothing more to talk maddy! If have to decide. To commit or not! I dont understand why you guys are so afraid to commit!!!!"
No I didn't say anything in reply. I just couldn't dare to..........
"Anyway I never loved you seriosuly.... It's just that you always were so after me... for a moment maybe i would have got distracted. You are just a good friend and we will be friends forever." She said finally breaking the silence...
"It's not that pooja........... I just......." I really didn't know what to say... I am an asshole!!!!!!

"Just one final word maddy. If you happen a meet a girl and you feel that you are in love. Please confirm about all the things. Think twice maybe thrice before even you........"
And she walked off.... leaving me behind.......
................................................................................................

P.S :Ooops....I am really sorry.. I started off thinking of to define love and I got lost in the memories of my .... I-dont-know-what-to-call...
Maybe sometime latter i will try to define the four letter thing......
And yeah.. Its good to blog after almost an year!

The Solitary Reaper...

2008-03-30T20:29:00.000+05:30

Alone he cuts and binds the grain...
And sings a melancholy strain.
Will no one tell me what he sings?
Perhaps the plaintive numbers flow..
For old, unhappy, far-off things...
or about the love lost..
and about the infinite emptiness....
................

POOOOOOOOOOMMPP!!
The siren of the factory blew... it was my alarm clock...
it told me.. "Oh old man.. its seven thirty in the morning.. get up!!"
Early in the morning... the radio told me today's headlines..
rape, murders, deaths, accidents,
how the ministers made new promises..
But.. how.. the farmers killed themselves...
How we were finally.. "DEVELOPING".
Well.. I finally got up.. as the radio signaled me that it was time to take my bath.

DINGG DONG!!
I opened the door very excitedly..
The sight of a human being still thrilled me...
Maybe.. some relative.. some friend from my distant past..

"Your Lunch Sir!" The Dabawallah handed me my lunch carriage.

I saw Pinku walk past me...
"Hello Grandpa.. I am going to school.. Bye bye!!"
"Bye Bye Dear son! Read well!!" I smiled for the first time in the day...
"And will you come to play with me in the evening?" I asked him..
"No.. You don't have a TV in your house... " He said sadly..
It was true..
An old man.. couldn't afford a colour TV with his pension.
I saw him ride his cycle till the end of the street..

Suddenly.. my eyes fell on a old photo album which fell down from the shelf..
It was my marriage album!

I looked at the date...
Thirtieth march 1968...
I suddenly realized.. it was today...

"Sulbha... Sulbha... it's our wedding anniversary...
I still remember the night when we got married... I had not even seen you properly...

Do you remember the day.. when I got my first promotion...
You made that day my happiest day of my life.. by telling me the good news of your pregnancy.
We were soo happy..
How we thought.. we would.. name our son 'Vinay' and if its a daughter 'Nimmi' or.. was it 'Simmi'..
Sorry dear... my memory is really at a loss these days...
Thank God I atleast remember you...
And.. ya..How.. we dreamed... how you would take him to the school..
then.. high school.. college...
How we would see him as an engineer!
But....
fate had something else for us..."
.........

Bhiwandi, 1970
the dreadful year...
We were all happy.. until one day..
I don't know what happened....
They screamed all over the Radio and newspapers "RIOTS! RIOTS!"
I had no idea until...
My own house was burned down...
My shop was tore apart..
I fled somehow..

But..

My Seven Month pregnant wife..couldn't escape!
She was burnt alive...

And I was left to die for the rest of my life....
these forty years I spent my life like a dead man...
With no reason to live.... No reason to survive...

This house..
I feel so.....
I scream ... no one hears...
I cry.. no one sees...
I wonder.. If I die..then.. my body would dispose here itself...
...................

I wrote my 'Will' today..
You might think what this old man has to give...
Well..
My dear friends..
there is soo much..
I wrote off my eyes to a blind boy...
I wrote off my kidneys to a needy young man...
I wrote off...

And ya..
This small home of mine...
will be the home for children...

I had no life till now..
But NO MORE!
My eyes will see through some else.. they will enjoy the beauty..
My home will once again be filled with laughter of the kids..
They will be my legacy...
My heir...

........

PS: Thanks to William Wordsworth for allowing to use his poem.

This post is dedicated to the WORLD THEATER DAY, March 27th

Coffee Blues...

2008-03-28T22:11:00.000+05:30

I hate coffee..
I know .. all of you are looking at me weirdly.. thinking.. who is this 'idiot'..
and..
guess what..
Now I got another reason to hate it more!!!

....

Love is in the air...

Rahul... Fell in Love Finally!!!!
I mean.. common.. even Rahul???
God....

I mean.. they say..
there are 960 girls for every 1000 boys...
Guess...Now.. I am going to be one of those... 40 unlucky souls.....
Fine.. I am happy for rahul atleast...

But....
.....

"Dude.. urgent help yaar... please dont mind.. I need some money yaar.. i will return it to you soon!!" Rahul pleaded...
"Fine.. but why do you need them???" I asked...
"Aaa.. welll.. the thing is.. aa.. the thing is...."
"Idiot.. tell me.. "
"I got a date with Reha.." he finally uttered...
"nice my dear friend.. very nice!! Stupid.. when you don't have the money ask her to cancel the date.. or ask her to pay!! She is also gonna eat na!!"
"Dude... forget it.. you wont understand.. when you have a girlfriend you will understand!!!"

Huh...
Finally.. the realization of the eternal truth!!

"By the way yaar.. forgot to mention... Reha is bringing her friend along....so maybe I thought....."Rahul said..
"What??? what did you think now???" I was skeptic.
"Why don't you come along yaar.. It will be fun.."
"Forget it!!! What the hell will I do there yaar!!"
"Arey.. just come.. it will be fun... and Reha's friend will be there yaar..!!"
"No no yaar.. I am in no mood... and you know I hate coffee!!!"

The next day I found myself... waiting seriously like an expecting father... but not my baby....
for the ladies ....
"Dude... I guess they are not gonna come.. lets leave.. " I said finally..
"Shut up yaar.. I just called them.. they have left from their home already..." Rahul screamed at me..
"oooh great!! Well.. at least order something.. or the coffeeshop guy is gonna throw us out.. the waiter has already started looking skeptically at me.." I tried to convince him.
"Sorry dude.... lack of financial resources!!" Rahul justified.
"Remember.. optimum use of minimum resources!!" He added
"Shut up! you ass!!" I scolded him.

Finally the almighty showed mercy and after forty minutes of hell.. the ladies arrived..
But ya..
I was forced to show such emotions as if .. when they walked in.. I turned back to life.. and as if I am so excited to see her and her "Friend"!!
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" Reha jumped ...
"Hi this is.. Aeysha!" We had a formal introduction...
"Aeysha Takiya???" I tried a PJ
"No! Aeysha Sharma!" she told me irritatedly...
I tried to check the Aeysha chick.. for a while.. but then...
Reha gave me the.. *Will you stop your X-RAY scan* look!
I tried to explain (through my looks) that I am an engineer and not a doctor!
Nevermind!!

But Ayesha... She was beautiful.. the only problem with her was..
She had her hair pulled back.. and even her reading glasses on..
It was like.. "Fuck Off boys! I am not in the mood!!"
So.. rather a tough call for me...

Suddenly... after a while...
Rahul and Reha moved to the table beside...
And I was left with Ayesha alone...

"So what was your name.. sorry I forgot!" She said..
I really hate it.. when people forget my name...
"Mythreya! . well you can call me Matty!!" I said..
She looked at me strangly... and then..
"Mythreya.. is such a nice name.. why do you hate it??"
"I don't hate my name!!! It's just that people find it difficult ot pronounce it.. so I help them out..." I snapped back
"So what do you do.. I mean hobbies!" She asked..
"Well hell lot of them.. Writing is my passion... I even own a blog!!"
well let me tell you.. i thought.. that would impress her...
But...
No emotions.. like.. nothing...
Finally.. she spoke..
"Blogging??? What does it mean???"
Now that was a disaster... I didnt even thought of explaining it to her!!

Now we finally decided to fulfill the purpose of our date or meet or whatever you call this thing!
We odered the drinks!

Trust me..
I am not much used to this coffeshops..
I just know one or two flavours of them..
And I thought why not I try something different...
And there it was..
I dont remember... what it was.. some... Tropical Tea.. or whatever... It seemed good in the photo.. colourful...
And then finally when it arrived..
I had it all..
I realized this guy charged me 100 bucks for making me drink some coloured water!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaak!!
It sucked to hell!!!
But.. I had to pretend as if it was the best thing I ever drank...
Gentleman Manners!!

Well...I thought... maybe.. I should .. try something and not waste my time..
I mean.. Rahul really inspired me..
and that Ayesha was.. not bad also...

"So Ayesha.. nice name... infact... you are also beautiful!" I tried to flirt around.
"Nice Dress!" I added
She didnt speak a word... I doubted was she deaf or was I dumb??
And she after a loong minute.. reluctanly said a.."Thank you!"
No, actually she didnt say it me.. she threw it on my face!
But.. hope didn't die out in me..
"Are you single? Boyfriend??" I hit it directly now!!
"I have no boyfriend.. and I am not even that kind!! I am just a simple girl!" She put it to me!
"Not even that kind???So what kind are you??"
"Its not like that... just that.. I didn't meet someone so nice to fall in love with.."
"Really! Well you should look around... there are nice people around you!"

I looked straight inot her eyes...and then finally asked her..
"Do you believe in love at first sight!"
"No... Not today atleast!!"
"What... "
"Nothing.. No I don't believe...."

And this way.. I tried to flirt around.. woo the lady..
And finally.. I even asked her number...
But the good thing is.. she somehow gave me hers!!

And finally..the end came..
Rahul rose from his chair and..
"Guys.. me and Reha want to spend sometime together.. if its late for you guys then you can leave!"
Ya he politely told us to get lost...
"Ayesha! Why not I drop you at your place?" I tried to be polite with her.
"No yaar! It's Ok.. Well My Brother is waiting for me nearby.. I will have ot join him.."
"Oooh.. ok.... bye then.. nice meeting you..."

Two days passed..
I thought of Ayesha for some four to five times...
And finally picked up the number.. and called...

"Hullo! Is this Ayesha? I am Mythreya.. Matty!!"
"Ayesha!!! There is No Ayesha here! Wrong Number!!" A angry old man scremed right inot my face!

Tell Me a Story

2008-03-26T23:01:00.000+05:30

I looked eagerly into those eyes.... as if they were telling me something...
old.. tired... wanting to stop... but helplessly being dragged...
maybe a lost love.. or was it the loneliness.. the age..
he wanted peace.. he wanted to stop..
but... like he knew he had to wait.

They say, the eyes say it all. And I ventured on a small experiment of mine.
Studying people. Trying to know the strangeness of the strangers. Trying to hear the story which their eyes tell... a silent story!

This little girl really amazed me. She was happy. Happy because she had got her meal for the day. Happy because she had no mother to tell her to clean her dirty hands. No school to go. No books to read. No future to worry about. Free like the bird. But still unaware how limitless is the sky... still unaware how vast is the world and how narrow are the people in it!!
Her eyes were small.... so small that they were unaware of dreams!

On the contrary, next was a school boy! Running happily towards his home. How he waited right from the morning for this moment. Maybe he wanted to play, be himself for the evening..and not his aspiring IITian son of his parents. Smaller eyes. Forced Dreams.

just then...
it started to rain!
The rain drops fell upon me... i ran for shelter.
There my eyes fell upon a very beautiful teenager!
Aaah.. what beauty...her smile... was cute..
little rain drops trying to flirt with her..
her eyes filled with...Some sweet little dreams .. i guess!
I had to move on.. for i was afraid.. i would fell in love with her!

When I boarded the bus.. I met a young man.. probably of the same age as I.
I couldn't interpret much what laid beneath...
A search for a job.. or maybe something else..
But all I could see was.. the restlessness...
fighting with himself... the wish to overcome something..
maybe some broken dreams trying to rebuilt..
maybe!!

As I entered the building... I saw the watchman.
I wondered.. how would he feel.. standing all day.. not moving much...
watching people go in and out.. everyday..
when my eyes met his.. with a smile..
I saw them lit up....
He might not be the happiest man on earth... but still content!

"Hi!" she snapped from the back...
a familiar voice...
the same fragrance...
I knew it was her..
I looked straight into her eyes. Sparkling.
Filled with the strangeness called "life"...
happiness and sorrow ran together.
she had some kind of relief.. joy ... but still.. unsatisfied.. a slight hint of fear.. worry..
a forgotten sadness.. being reminded again..
For she well knew....
I was her ever and never...
No Love. No Hate.
Uncherished Dreams.

Finally I met my friend... my brother..
Though I knew it all..
his eyes wanted to tell it all over again....
red with regret... wet by sorrow...
tears didnt roll down... though he knew how to cry....
I wondered could anyone love someone so much...
thinking about her every moment...
trying to live with and without her...
dying every second and living every moment...
trying to relive every second spent with her.....
living only in one hope......"One day.. .. one day.. i will hold her .. once again...."

After Sorrow.. Happiness follows!
Lastly.. I saw a family..
they were three. A loving husband, a caring wife and the most beautiful daughter.
I looked at both of them..
their eyes fixed on their daughter.
I soon realized that they were not two but one!
maybe this is what they call love......

Now the final test...
I looked at the mirror...

I couldnt find anything...
just two human eyes..
not a word. not an emotion!!

The Demise...

2008-02-29T20:58:00.000+05:30

Tip.....Tip.....Tip......
water drops from no where fell upon me...
SPLASH!
It became bigger....
It started raining.....
I wanted to run like all others and find a shelter for myself....
But I could not!
"No more....." screamed my heart....I had run for a long time now.....

. . . . . . .

I came home late that day....
I searched for him all over the place...
the night was dreadful...
the lights went off...it was pitch dark...
"Don't be afraid of the dark! You are a big boy now!" His words echoed in my ears.
Suddenly something struck me........ the prompt realization!

I saw my mother lit a candle....
her face gleamed as she held it....
her eyes were dried out.... just like the arid rivers in the summer...
not a drop of water!
her face like the barren soil of the south...
those drought hit wrinkles....
suddenly she looked so old to me.....
She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever known....
But...no more....

we had moved to a smaller place now.....
someone suggested it would help us move on...
but we all knew the fact...
we no more could afford a bigger place......
neither did we needed it!

I never ever dreamt even in my worst nightmares that things would shape up like this...
when it actually started ..when it ended.. I had no clue...
I knew nothing... I still wondered how did I even fit in here...
the reason....... was beyond me....

Murthy, my father's brother arrived and thus my uncle.... arrived....
"Don't you worry vadinaa*, I had sorted it out.... hari would work at my friend's office once he completes his exams. Four thousand a month is the pay." He tried to assure my mother..... who didn't speak a word...
I wondered if she had even heard them.....

"One more thing... I think the time has come to divide the property. I know it is too early for you.... but try to understand me... I have to daughter to marry off. I met the lawyer today....
he will brief you everything tomorrow." My uncle divulged.
"It's even better for you... it will help you pay your debts..." He added.

It might be my age which disabled me me to interpret the whole monologue...
but I still figured out that... troubles were brewing right behind our backs.....

. . . . . . .

slowly....
we started our selling business....
mother said we don't need few things anymore.
but I knew.... what we really needed!
the huge sofa set...
the heavy bullet...my father's bike... it was really no use now... unless I had to wait for four more years to officially ride it.
but what still confused me was...my mother's jewellery...
I still wondered why she considered it useless now.

. . . . . .

It was Diwali...
But we didn't celebrate...
we were not supposed to... that's what mother said....
I felt bad at the beginning but then...
when I calculated the amount of money I would save upon the crackers, sweets and the dress...
I felt relieved.

Then the new year arrived....
We were not supposed to wish anyone happy new year...
well..that's what my mother said!
For the first time time... I didn't send a new year card to my favourite cousin Sheela.
Neither did she...
I wondered if even her mother told her not to wish anyone..
was it also a not-a-happy-new-year for her also?

Time passed at a snail's pace...
The summer arrived...
I completed my schooling.
Ninety four percent... read my scorecard.

"congratulations! your son topped the whole district...."
for the first time in months I saw a slight hint of happiness in my mother's face..
still tears rolled down her face...
I somehow got used to them...

"Don't you worry vadina, I have sorted it out .... Hari would study at Hyderabad and I will also make sure he gets a scholarship including fees exemption." My uncle Murthy announced.
I wondered if I didn't needed to go to his friend's office now.

"One more thing... I heard you sold the bullet last year.. and it fetched a good price... Brother always thought of gifting me the bullet. Please don't take it wrong... as even Hari's fees is exempted I was wondering if you could give me half the money of the bullet.... I have a daughter to marry off...please understand my position...." My uncle spoke..

But my mother still maintained her calmness.
Silence is sometimes eternal... I learnt soon.

. . . . . .

It was time to leave....
my hometown....
my school....
my friends....
my childhood...
my memories....

I was glad mother was coming along...
My maternal uncle made the arrangements for us this time....
Mother would teach in a school...he affirmed.
Thank god Murthy uncle didn't sort out anything this time...
I was to join a college ... No fees and scholarship...

. . . . . .

I joined the college...
It was beautiful....
Huge buildings...
even the city was too big.....
Mother asked me to be careful......
"Make good friends. And don't you get lost anywhere!" She ordered.

I had to fill in my add mission form.....

Name: Hari
Father's name: Late sri Dharma raju
Age: 14

......

Vadina* : A Telugu word for sister-in-law

Two Sides of a Coin....

2008-02-26T20:51:00.000+05:30

THE SIN...........

I walk through the door slowly.... but allow her to hear my footsteps....

She stands like a rock......
holding everything inside...... and giving me nothing but the silence....
I wish I could read her mind....i wish i could interpret those woeful thoughts haunting her...
I wish i could tell her....

'Don't worry everything will be fine.....'
but....

It was late...but she doesn't scream at me...as she used to ....
no sign of concern...

I still remember those beautiful days...
when we were young and newly married...
smitten by cupid...
when i used to love her by the day....and by the night....

Things change... and sometimes for the worse....

I feel the coldness even in the hot summer nights.....
It was days when we last shared a conversation...
or even when we dined together...

love.... seemed to be breathing its last breathe....
and the end seemed to begin....

I walk past to her...
her eyes...still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...
but....the touch of her hair..... the smell of her body...
mere memories to me now....

I gather courage to break the long lasting silence....
"what is it that trouble you, my lady?"

She looks into my eyes and quickly moves them away from my sight...
she hangs her head down.... seeming smitten by the "Guilt" bug...
tears roll down her eyes...
'something bad' my heart tells me...
finally words pop out her mouth..

"I am pregnant"

................................................................................................................................

THE SINNER...............

The click strikes 11....
Still no sight of him...It's the same all the days...
This loneliness is killing me....
All day I sit idle... and wait all night...
months have passes since we last made love...

has the love died a rotten death??
or .. did it never take birth in the first place????

anyway...how do you expect love in arranged marriage!!

.................

I met him few days ago....
He is funny...handsome.... and likes me...

Am I doing anything wrong???
I know I am not supposed to act like this..but I am not able to help it..
Why do I feel like a teenager ....
why am I attracted to him so much....

NO!! I am a married woman....This is wrong!!

.................

I have never felt this way before....
it was like the first time...
same nervousness.......same excitement...
emotions running high.......and we were ready to be consumed by them...
how could i feel so different with him in the same act.......
I feel like jumping in the air and yelling at the top of my voice... to the whole world that i love him.. love him my whole life....
he is my knight in shining armor...my man of my dreams...
a part of me who completed me......the way i completed him.......
we are one and whole.....
how much i wish to be with him right now... how much...

...........................

I have done the biggest mistake of my life...
I cheated my husband....
I cheated my family...my parents..their trust...everyone..

Why was i so blind??

Why is love such a boisterous thing...
why does it pricks likes thorns...

why can't I have a happy ending..........

..........................................................................................................................................................................

PS: This blog is dedicated to my friends and all time critics...Deepi and Srats....

India Shining. . . .

2008-01-26T23:44:00.000+05:30

Suddenly everyone is falling in love with her. . . .

Few say she has finally awakened. . .
and few say she is young at 60. . .

yes I am talking about our counrty, our motherland, and we. . .the people. . .

Brand India. . ."
it's all over the place.
People look us with respect now. .
The once lowly placed country has now joined the elite club. . .
and is clambering it's way up to the top of the heap.
Suddenly our population has turned out to a bane. The elephant has now decided to show that "size does matter". For the first time, our employment rate is more than the growth of population rate. And believe me all this is much beyond the stale BPO story.

Acquisitions and mergers are here. . .
MNC's are parking their money here. . .
FDIs are flowing in. . .
the GDP is rising. . .
"India Shinning" has really shown it's true colors.
And we all are happy because we have the money. . .

Even the NRIs suddenly seem to feel nostalgic and are returning. . . .welcome strangers!!
"meri desh ki dharti" is the new theme.
Everyone knows the lolly is here.
Personal ambition is driving most of the present change and will continue to do so.
Greed is Good!

Not only economic changes but there is lot more. Lifestyles are changing, people are changing, women are changing. . .
And Bollywood! yeah it has also undergone a drastic change. . .
(Thanks to mallika Sherawat and co)
Now we love to pay hundred bucks to the cooled coffee which was once served hot at a very minimal price.

but few things still remain the old. . .
The society still frowns as women wear less and less and as the youth get "westernized" . . .
But bridegrooms still prefer virgins; and husband's still prefer their wives to cook and raise kids along with their job.
Still "kundalis" are probed into before marriage and girls are checked if they are "manglik" or not. . .
Cricket is still our first love. . .
Khans still rule the bollywood and Fridays are still the same: First day First shows!
And still the "K-Serials" run their millionth episode. .
And most importantly. . .
Whatever changes or not. .
but our "dear" politicians are still the same. . . .And so are their promises!!!

And you can argue to me that we still have thousands of issues and problems. . .
poverty, illiteracy. . .
the rich are getting richer and the poor ever poorer. . .
Human relations are changing. . .
Social networking: people are willing to talk hours with a person thousands of miles away but they don't know the guy next door!
I know we have still a long way to go. . .
The journey has just started, and we are already late. . .
but. . .
let's be happy that we have started atleast now.
Yes! it is the time to put on our dancing shoes!

Happy Republic Day

The Revolution. . . . .

2008-01-22T19:14:00.000+05:30

She is everywhere.

You find her at the coffee bars sipping hookah; at the discos and at the shopping malls.
The call centers, the IT industry, the service sector. . .
She is an engineer, she is a doctor, she is a lawyer. . . .
She also plays tennis and lifts weights. . .
She is the face of the big screen and the queen of the small. . . .
And she also is the president of a billion plus population. . .

She is the New Women.

A bit different from her elder sister of the past who was always guilty of ambitions, desires. . .
Her life started and ended in the four walls.
Family, Husband, Kids, In-laws. . . .

The nineties were the break through. . .
We saw the most beautiful her; the Ms.World, Ms.Universe and she ruled a zillion hearts . . . .

But the new millennium saw a different her. . .

"Liberation" . . .Few termed it
But I say revolution is the correct term. . .
As there is still few more steps for the final liberation. .

She is equipped with multi tasking and dons multiple roles. . .
She is a wife, a daughter-in-law, a mom but. . . .
most importantly, she is herself. She knows what she wants, what are her desires are and what she hates.

But still she is termed as "unethical" and "abominable".

Anyway, when was she spared of criticism. . .
when Indira Gandhi decided to step in her father's shoes, the whole world was skeptical. . .
but we all know what the out come was. .

But the question is, is she missing out something, is she paying a price for her newly attained freedom?
And the answer we all know. . .yes!
She is not accepted completely. . .
She might be successful at her work, but her real success is measured as how good she is as a wife, as a mother, how good are her kids, does she respects her in-laws. . .
Burdens, Bondage. . .
When will she escape?

I remember one of my friend telling me, if she had to picture the new woman then she would paint her racing shoulder to shoulder with a man, the difference being she has heavy chains to drag along with her, while the man moves freely. The race never seem to end if she moves ahead; and she is condemned for entering the already lost race if the man moves ahead. . .

Still few things never seem to change, she still fights against dowry deaths, rapes and murders.
Most of them are still denied education. We still don't realize that they are after all half of the population.

But the million dollar question is. . . . .
Is her new achieved freedom at the cost of the men's loss?
Is the years old prophecy of a man's world seeming to end?

.................................

PS: Thanks to Deepika Sharma (Amalgam) for helping me finish this work.

An Untold Story. . .

2008-01-12T16:28:00.000+05:30

Few stories start on a lonely night, few on a battle field and few over a glass of rum. But few remain untold. . . .

I looked again from the corner of my eye, she looked the same always, beautiful.

I don't remember when it all started, maybe months now.
I made up my mind I will talk with her today, yes I will.
I went near her, she pretended as is she didn't see me coming; I tried to open my mouth but then, my legs shivered, and after a second, she was gone. . . .

"forget it dude. you are a coward" Nikki snapped from behind. She was the only friend I had.
"ok ok! there is always a tomorrow, isn't it?" I gave her a sheepish smile.
"whatever" She sighed.

"Beta wake up! You got to go t school!" My mom screamed early in the morning.

Yes. Indeed I was late to school.
She didn't come to school today!
'what happened to her? Is she ill? Oh god how is she now?' All thoughts troubled me.
"Pinky why didn't komal come today?" Pinky was her best friend and also my neighbor.
"How do I know lover boy!" Pinky laughed at me.

It was 6:20 and I was as usual late for my maths tuition.
"So early today? You should have taken your time, why did you rush?" My tuition sir was always filled with sarcasm.
"Sir, actually. . . ."
"Shut up and sit down" He yelled.

I sat down, suddenly my eyes fell on her.
'what is she doing here! Wow!' I looked at her in shock.
"Don't stare at her like this you jerk!" Nikki murmured.
"She just joined today."
"Wow! That's great." I was smiling with joy.
After the tuition was over, she walked straight towards me. I was shocked. . .

She came near and said, "Can you please you take out your cycle fast. I have to take my scooty."
I didn't say a word. Just watched her silently.
"Nikki!! Did you see that!"i screamed in joy. . .
"what she saying you to move your ass?? yeah i did see that"
"whatever. . . she talked with me!" I was all smiles.

After a boring week, I was again puffing and huffing to my tuition. My cycle broke down, so I had to walk all the way.

PEEP PEEP
I turned around and saw her smiling.
"Hi. You walking today? Where's your cycle?" She asked
"Aaaa. . ."
(I pinched myself to make sure I was not dreaming)
"Awww. . ."
"what happened?"
"Err. . . nothing, well my cycle broke down." Somehow I manged to force the words out of my mouth this time.
"Oh! Well It's already six. Don't you think you will be late again?" She questioned.
"Well yeah, I am gonna die!" I said worriedly.
"Don't you worry. I can drop you. " She said with a grin.
"Huh. . " I didn't knew what to say. This was more than a dream-come-true for me.
"Do you wanna drive?" She asked doubtfully.
"Well. . . aaa. . .actually I don't know how to drive?" I said awkwardly.
"What! Haa. ."She laughed in disbelief.
'Damn It!' I screamed to myself.

Days passed. Our friendship blossomed and so did my love for her.
Few days later. . .
My phone rang.
"Hulo. Oh Komal. . . .Hi. ." I answered the call.
She, "What are you doing? Hope you are free. . . .I was thinking if you could with to. . . ."
"Oh sure! I will be there. . . ." I happily agreed.

It was a kind of a semi-date you can say. We had also planned to go a movie.
I called Nikki, she was agony aunt.
"Nikks, she asked me out. . . ." I screamed.
"Humm. . . .so you are on. Whats on the cards? Movie. . . and?? By the way, do you have money??" She asked
"Money!! Aargh! I am out of cash yaar. What do I do?" I was worried.
"Ask your mom!" She.
"Naah! She would kill me if I told her I was going to a movie. She would stop me from going out."
"Well then steal!" Nikki replied
"What Steal! Are you crazy? And from where do I steal" I shouted.
"Well you got no other option also. Take money from your mom's purse. believe me it's ok. When you get your allowance just replace it." She suggested.
I really didn't had any other option.

After the movie and shopping we went to an Ice-cream parlor.
She smiled at me. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
"I have come up with a name for you?" SHE said proudly.
"What! Really?" I replied somewhat surprised and somewhat curiously.
"Matty! Did you like it?" She looked at me eagerly waiting for an applaud.
yeah girls love this "nick-naming" sessions. If given a chance they would name every single soul
they know.
"why not i also give you a nick-name?. . . How about Komli. . .naah. . . komi? Koms? Komolika??" I made fun of her. . .but we agreed that komal siuted her and "matty" was a lovely name. I loved the name and loved her more than me.

Six months later, the board exam was over. Everyone was so happy. We felt like the kings; like we had conquered something. We had finished schooling.

"I have a good news." My dad announced.
"We are shifting to Hyderabad!" He said happily.
"wow thats great." my mom was happy than ever.
"what!! I won't come. I am not going anywhere. I have all my friends here. How can you expect me to leave this place." I screamed, I was angry, I was shocked. The very thought of leaving all my friends bought a chill in my veins.

But I knew everything was in vain. My parents were determined as we were actually moving to our hometown but I wanted to tell them that this is my home, this is my heaven, these are my friends. I can't live without them. But they didn't listen. Who would to a 15 year old. . . .

The time came for my farewell. Komal and Nikks had come to the station.
I tell you I really hate these farewells. I hate to leave my best friends.
But. . .

We promised to remain in touch. And we did so. Phone internet letters we had done everything.
I missed her more than everything. I pinned for her. Every second I thought of her. Every other girl reminded me of her.
Four years passed by. But our friendship never drifted. Though sometimes I felt she was no more the sweet little girl I knew, but. . .

It was summer. I was going to hometown. To my friends. To Nikks, To her. . . .
I reached the city. The streets didn't change, I felt like a lost boy reuniting with her mother. Nikki came to pick me up. She was the same, my best girl, my best friend.
I called up komal and we decided to meet at out old meeting point.

I was nervous. . . .do I look good? what will she say after seeing me? I would tell her how much I love her. She would also say yes. Yes she loves me. . .

We met, we shook our hands, exchanged smiles. She looked beautiful.
And. . .

"Riiiing Riiing" Her mobile rang.

Afetr few mins. . .
"Oh sorry it was my boy friend. . . ." She said to me.

I smiled at my fate and my heart cried . . . .

That was my first love.

The Longest Night Of My Life

2008-01-09T21:27:00.000+05:30

I still remember the night of thirteenth December 2006. The unforgettable Friday the thirteenth.
It rained heavily. Maybe a cyclone.
The News reader warned people to stay indoors. For the time being he was my only company as my parents were out of station. No food in the house. I couldn't even get something from outside.
"what am I gonna do?" I screamed to myself.
"One day without food you wont die matty. Remember fasting is good for health." My alter ego replied.

I sighed in dismay. The loneliness was killing me.
I took a deep breath and said to myself, "what worse can it happen!"

"SHITTTTTTT!!!!!
A power cut at this hour! Aaaarrrrggghhh!!!"

It was pitch dark.
My mom had warned me to get some candles from the shop.
'Oh mom, I wish you were with me!'

My body shivered. Partly due to the storm and partly because of a strange fear.
Maybe the darkness; maybe the loneliness.

CRRRRRRAAAAAAASSSSSSHHhhhh
Suddenly there was a breaking noise. I was taken by shock.
'it's the wind; don't worry' I said to myself and tried to calmed down.

The storm beat the windows. I had to shut it down or the floor would be wet with water.
I went near the window. . . .

something stopped my steps. . .

it was a shadow of a man, a humanly figure. . . .

But what on earth was he doing in my backyard at this hour!!!!

"Must be a thief!" I concluded.
I thought of screaming. . . but maybe he is armed and who will listen to me in this strom.
I grabbed the broom and silently I went near the backyard.

I tried to open the door slowly. . . . . .

THHHHUUUUUUUUDDDDDD
"Ooooh God!!!!" I screamed as I slipped and fell on the wet floor.

I must have alerted him. he must have escaped.

NO He didn't go. He was moving nearer.
Suddenly I looked down.

HE HAD NO HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HELLLLLLL!!!!!!!

I was shivering. I was almost dead.
I had never encountered ghosts but . . . . why me!!!

I shut my eyes and prayed the almighty. My heart beat a thousand times a minute.
I was sooo afraid even to scream. I couldn't utter a word in fear.

BAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNGGGG!!!

The door fell open. . . . and i screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

And. . . . .

I saw my shirt hanged by the clothesline in the backyard.
I had forgotten to bring it inside when my mom left it to dry.

"FUCK!!!! it's my shirt!!!!!"
Fuck man fuck!

"Aaah. . . ." I almost died of heart attack.

I panted heavily. I breathed in relief.
Then I got up and shut the door.

luckily after hours of searching, I found a small torch. I decided to go to my bed room and shut myself under the blanket.

As I walked on, i saw somethign shining in the dark. I couldn't understand for a sec.
"aaaaahhh" I screamed.

meeeeeaaaw.

SHIT! It was just a cat. it must have come in doors through the open windows.

I jumped on to the bed and prayed for the sun to arrive.
It was the longest night of my life.

"Fuck man! Fuck!! You got scared of your shirt! Ha Ha" Rahul shrieked as I narrated him the whole episode.
"But dude. . . .I don't remember any cyclone in December 2006 and in fact it never rained at all that year due to drought. And I don't remember any Friday the thirteens in that December also?? Ok forget it. Tell me which flats do have backyards and how did you think someone could climb all the six floors in a stormy night to your so called backyard!!!"

"WHATTT!! Well Just shut up. If you don't wanna believe don't believe. I don't care!" I yelled at him.

"ok ok relax dude!! Just chill ok." Rahul replied cooly.
"well I have a story too. wanna hear?" He looked at me excitedly. It was still seven and I had plenty time to kill.
"Shoot!" I said.

'The other day, me and my friend were at the graveyard near my place, having our usual booze session.
Suddenly my friend had to rush quickly to his place and I was left alone with two tins of beer.
I couldn't carry them home neither could drink on the roads.
So I decided to finish of the drinks at the graveyard and get back to my place.

Suddenly my eyes fell on a grave.
it read:
Rose Fernandes
Born: 5th Jan 1985 Died: 27 Aug 2007

Oh fuck! It's your B'day Rose! Happy b'day dear Rose Fernandes.
Why did you die so young?

"beacuse I had cancer. Anyway thanks for wishing me rahul!"

"WHATTTTT!! Who r u?? WHo is the bloddy bastard who is playign such a trick!!" I screamed

"It's me. Rose. Don't fear I won;t harm you." A women in white sari replied back as she moved towards me.

I ran as fast I can and ran untill i reached my home and shut myself in my room.
I can never forget the night."

"WHAT!!!!! You Boozed in a Graveyard?? And you are telling me you saw a dead women talking to you when you got high? Well tell you what you are nothing more than a drunken brat. At least my story didn't involve ghosts!!!!! get real dude." I roared.

"you don't believe me! well come with me to the graveyard I will show her." rahul spoke back.

"Are you nuts? You a mad man. I won't come with you anywhere." Me

"Ha! Why Mr.Coward? Looks like you wet your pants just by hearing the name of the graveyard." Rahul bawled.

"Give me a break ok. Look I am not coward." Me again

"Then come with me" Rahul challenged.

"Fine. Lets go and meet your new dead friend. Maybe I will ask her out." I snapped back

we went to the graveyard. But as I entered my hands shivered. I don't believe i was doing such a crazy thing. We entered and then. . . .

"Well dude sorry! " rahul spoke as we entered the graveyard.

"sorry? why so?" Me a bit astonished

"You won! Actually I was just kidding. There is no rose. I wanted to test your courage." Rahul replied.

"Oh god you are such a. . . . I told you see. there are no such fucking things as ghosts!!" Me again.

Just then someone came from the behind and. . . .

"Are you looking for me?"
A young woman in white sari was standing behind us. . . . .

New Year Blues

2008-01-05T12:45:00.000+05:30

This year kicked off just in the usual way. . . . . .

got drunk. . .with friends. . .
but this time i got high with just two pegs. . .
roamed on the streets and wished every human soul present. . . .hugged strangers. . .
and finally slept at 4 in the morning

woke up and headed towards home. . . . .

the girl next door stood before me, she was looking great, damn beautiful. . .
i have been trying to talk to her since the past two months. . .

suddenly she smiled and spoke "happy new year bhaiya"

BHAIYA!!!!!!!
aarrghhh!!

what a start!!!

by the way did i tell you guys i had a rocking week.

Christmas and New year at the Goa beaches, the bikini babes, the non-stop boozing sessions, and the NUDE beaches. . . .non-stop fun, forget everything and just enjoy with your friends. . .

while all my friends were doing that i was writing exams, MBA entrances!!
and in between i was off to Tirupati and chennai. . . with my family a compensation kinda of thing for missing out the big tour with my friends!

well the only good thing that happened to me was i met Ritu after 10 long months
(she is my childhood friend, who lives in chennai)

and all my new year resolutions have not taken off yet. . .

before i end this post let me tell u a funny incident which happened with me in a train while returning from chennai

"My mom killed me through out the trip! She made me walk 17kms uphill to the tirupati temple. and now, she got some dozzen sarees and made me carry them! tell you what women can live without everything, food, water, air. . . but not shopping!
I cursed myself for a while and then went over check my name in the reservation list.
it read :

Mythreya 21 m seat no: 45
Sirisha 19 f seat no: 46
Manisha 18 f seat no: 47
Sundarammma 70 f seat no:48
krishan swamy 48 m seat no:49

i saw the two 18 & 19 figures and smiled. wow it would be fun!!

As i entered the compartment I saw two beautiful girls. they looked damn cute, one of them wearing a jeans and short top and the other a salwaar kammez; i looked with my jaws open. . .

maybe i should say hi, no i will ask where are you going, should i tell my name first??
or how abt 'i have seen you somewhere' ; naah. . .
all these thoughts ran into my mind.

then suddenly someone called me from behind, i turned to see a three hundred pounds and 6 feet 3 inch tall guy staring at me sternly.
"Yes Sir" i replied politely.
"what are you doing here? why are you standing here?" he screamed
I tried to yell back but seeing his body i thought why take risk with ur life and calmly replied,
"this is my seat and i have a reservation"
"so what! sit in the side berth. we are one family" he yelled back.
I sat in the side berth but now the hefty big guy had obstructed my NSP.

whats an NSP? it's full form of nayan sukh prapti. to be precise my eye candies.
(btw. . .a girl told me that)
then i decided to go to the upper berth; no not to look at the hot chics but to just lay down and catch a novel. But when I went up the old woman looked at me as if I was going to molest her grand daughters.
she said to her son, "Can't you get our seats near some ladies. Why did you get it among stupid bachelors. you know these brats even get drunk in trains!"

what the fuck!!!
how do i look like. . . .man these old women; just because they are old they think they can say any damn thing.
But I ignored her kept myself busy with the novel.

after few mins i just looked at the girl in jeans from the corner of my eyes and then suddenly i realized that the old grandma had her eyes fixed at me and caught me bird watching!
"Here take this shawl and cover yourself it's too cold" she screamed at the girl.
"No. i feel hot." the girl resisted.
"Do what I say. You don't know anything." the old lady again.

I watched with awe all the drama and thought it's better i close my eyes rather than see such crazy things.
meanwhile rahul called me, "Dude! where r u now? Any girls in your compartment?"
"No man! I am not that lucky!" I replied with a sigh and slept at 7pm.

anyway now i got used to all these things. . .

happy new year to all my readers!!

The baby Sitter

2007-12-18T16:59:00.000+05:30

Are you afraid of the dark?
Do you have nightmares of some cannibal tribes running behind you, to make their dinner out of you?
Do the ghost of some girl in white sari, singing a some old song and holding a candle in her hand, haunt you?

Never Mind! these questions have nothing to do, just read on. . .

Another lazy weekend, well nowadays there is no much difference between a weekend and a weekday, they all are the same!
but our dear Mr.Fate doesn't seem to be happy with my easy life. . .

well thanks to matty's help center I have been receiving many calls for help!!

My mom's friend had to leave the town urgently and so she had to ask someone to take care of her kids and house till her husband returns from office!
and my mom out of her generosity. . .

Mom (to her friend): "why do you worry Gita, don't worry i will send my son to your place, he is anyway useless, all the day he does is eat sleep and get fat! he has not done anything since ages. Let me give him some work today! Now don't you worry and get going!"

well that was my mom!
and so i went. . .of course no one asked me if i could chose not to go. . .they just ordered!!
I was now officially the BABY SITTER!!

The kids, a 9 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl, well. . . they looked nice, very calm and well mannered.
I looked at them, and thought. . it might not be that bad after all, they are after all small cute and very good kids, what can possibly go wrong. . . .
you will later know that this was my biggest mistake!!

Their mother left soon.
I rested my ass on the couch and switched on the TV.
The little girl came near me and whispered "POGO".
then she grabbed the remote from me and switched on the channel, well as someone rightly said, girls know what they want!!

If you have any grudges against anyone just kidnap them and make them watch Pogo! believe me this was some 3rd degree torture. . .GOD!!
How the hell can you watch some colorful puppets and few stupid things i don't know what they were but well the girl kept on jumping from her feet crying. . "Teletubbies!!!!!"
After sometime i switched to the Discovery channel, it was showing some giraffes mating. The girl asked me "the boy asked me what were they doing?"
"lets watch Bob the builder" i said. Thank god the little girl didn't open her mouth. I preferred pogo for the rest of the day. . .

Oooh! well i thought atleast that makes her silent and the boy . . .
wait a min. . . i had forgotten about the boy. . .where the hell was he. . he was here a min ago. . .
In the Bedroom. . No, kitchen . . .no, reading room. . no, toilet. . . . No!! Balcony. . .No. . . . .
WTF!!!!
where has been lost??
I went out and screamed his name. . .no response. . .
god this boy. . . then i saw him in the basement. .
pheew!
"Don't you ever leave the house without telling me!!" I screamed at him. .

Finally getting back to the house, i thought maybe it was time for lunch!
I said" well lets see what we got"! wow we have the spinach curry and the radish sambhar, and oooo we have rasam also!!" I hated those dishes. . but the baby sitter rule book says always act as if you love the food and make the kids eat properly!
(btw. . .rasam and sambhar are south indian dishes, and for god sake dont ask me their recipes now)
The little girl,"ewwwww! I want potato curry" and the boy,"i want a pizza" they both said in unison.
"Huh! well do you want to be strong like me, then eat this!"
everything in vain. . .they wont eat. finally after bribing them with chocolates, they agreed and i also had to promise the pizza!

Just then. . .rahul called "Dude? where r u? Come fast we all are going to the party! And the good thing is Teja is paying the bill. . ."
me, " Err. . sorry dude. . .i have some work. . ."
"work what work, you lazy bum, get ur ass down here. . .wtf r u doing? you got no girl friends even? whats keeping you busy"rahul screamed!
"well i am scrutinizing the child prodigies. . ."
"What the hell. . . .you r baby sitting??? ooh my god!! lol...." rahul almost fell down laughing. i could sense it.
humm. . . .well it happens. . .sometimes you have to give up biryani and tandoori for sambhar and rasam!!

"Bhaiya can I order the pizza?"
oooh. . .i forgot. . .well not bad I got the pizza right?
"My chocolates??" the little girl shouted from behind. . .
got to admit these kids have a good memory. . .

I took the girl to the candy store and the boy sits in the house and calls the pizzahut. .
Girl,"i want dairymilk, no i want milkybar. . .no i want. . .no that. . ."
"I want all of them. . . ."she said her final verdict!
"what!! No way. You can only one. take one. Ok i will buy you dairy milk thats it."
"Nooooooooo i want all. . .i want all. . . .i want all. . . .mummy....i want mommy!!!!"
"Ok ok. . .fineee!!!!"

finally she stopped her crying. . . .man!!
we went back. .
then after exactly twenty eight mins the pizza boy arrives, oooh i wish he was late by two moire mins and i would have got the order free. . . .
"Sir here is your order. . .extra large chicken pizza, extra large paneer pizza, and a medium capsicum pizza along with ginger bread and french fries and of course coke!!!!" the pizza boy said.
"what!! I think you have mistaken somebody's order with mine. I didn't order these many things!" common we were just three not even three . . .i mean they were just two kids. . how much can they eat!!
"bhaiya! i ordered it!!"
"whattttttt??? why? why did you order so many pizzas?" i howled
he,"well i figured out we were three and so three pizza and i ordered a medium one for munni"
me,"whattttt? oh god!!!!!!!"
finally after shelling out 800 bucks I was left with pizzas and pizzas and more pizzas. . .
we could distribute them to the whole neighborhood and still few pieces would remain!

"I want a cake!" the little girl announced. . ."I don't want pizza. . ."
believe me these kids were so small but still they desired the whole world. . .
"Cake!! i gave the chocolates now shut ur mouth and sit down" I screamed

she cried and cried out louder. . .
i had to do soemthing. . ."ok fine i will get you the cake!"
I sent the boy to get some milk cakes from the store. . .

20 mins passed by he did not return. i waited.
40 mins. . ."what is making him so late!" i thought. now I was worried. . .
I held the girl and set out to look for him.
He was not in the basement, neither in the store, nor in the street. . .
even the watchman had not seen him. . .
Now i was tensed. . .
it was more than an hour now.

What should I do? Should I call his mom, no maybe his dad,
I am such a fool, I should have never sent him. what am i gonna do. . .

I set out with the watchman to search for the boy,
he was no where. . .
then suddenly i saw a group of boys playing cricket in the other lane,
and. . .

he was there. . .
Thankkk God!!! I thought. . .
I slapped on his face "If you do this again I am gonna kill you"
He cried she cried.
God kids are such a pain in the ass. . .
they me go crazy. . .

Finally we returned home and watched pogo and ate pizzas for dinner.
It was 9 pm and uncle arrived.

"how r u? hope the kids didn't truble you much!"he said.
"oh no. . .they were very good. In fact i had a great time" and I exchanged looks with the kids!!!

Tagged again. . . . .

2007-12-14T18:52:00.000+05:30

Everyone is doing a lot of tagging and yeah i have also joined the race. ssnab tagged me! that was sweet of you dear. . .

here it goes. . .

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it..
i got one on my head, near my right ear. . .no wait. . .is it left or right. . . yeah the right! i got it when i was a kid playing with my friends, actually i accidentally hit something i don't remember, but yeah that cost me my first trip to hospital after i was born, and gave me two stitches!

2. What does your phone look like?
shiny black, with blue tooth, 5 mega pixel camera, slide phone, the hottest thing, every man's dream mobile. . .
err... no this is certainly not my phone!!!!
all i have is just an old NOKIA 1100!!
someone said "phone sirf baat karne ke liye hai" yeah thats apt for me!!

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
apart from cobwebs, i got Dennis the mennis, and yeah i got few more things. . .
one saying "TIME IS MONEY" (i really don't know what the hell that was doing, might me my mom put it when i was fast asleep) and other a portrait of Krishna and Arjuna, the famous BHAGWADGITA war scene!

4. What is your current desktop picture?
a pic of my friends and me at a beach. a had a blast that day....

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
well i find it really crazy but still India is a free country and everyone has his/her own freedom. so i think it's just fine.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
i got a long list of things i desperately need but right now i need more than anything is my best friends! They are 1155 kms away from me! Aaah I miss you nikks, panda and ants!!! love u guys!

7. Last person who made you cry?
the last time i cried it was some 5-6 yrs ago when i was at school and i was leaving for hyderabad away from my home, my friends.

8. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?
Escape, Obsession, and many more....

9. What are you listening to?
My mom...... threatening me for the zillionth time to shut down my computer and read soemthing...yeah i got exam this sunday!!

10. Do you get scared of the dark?
i used to when i was a 10yrs old.... i always thought there was something under my bed and it's gonna suddenly come out and eat me!

11. Do you like pain killers?
is this a question!!! duh!!

12. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
i am not shy but tired of asking every single girl i meet!

13. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
hell lot of them...
panipuri, ice creams, french fries, cakes, kabas, everything!!!
but if i have to choose only one...
then it will be, chocolate chip cookies!! i just love them!

14. Who was the last person who made you mad?
rahul!! he hit me yesterday night on my leg and it's still paining. Rahul i am gonn akill you soon!

15. Who was the last person who made you smile?
I smile very often! But the last person was Jim Carry in "Ace Ventura: when nature calls!"

16. Is someone in love with you?
i don't know! she never told me!

time to pass on the tag....
i pass this tag to zahid deeps raul sammy manisha
and all those who have not done this tag!

MATTY's HELP CENTER!!

2007-12-11T10:47:00.000+05:30

No no! Please don't think otherwise. I didn't open any help center.

Everyone wants a piece of me.
Dad wants me to go to the Bank! Stand in the queue for hours together and obviously you wont even find cute girls who would talk with you very sweetly in a State bank!

Mom wants me to get the groceries.
GOD!!!!!
Picking up stuff from supermarket, it really sucks!
All the middle aged housewives do that.

The sales girl gave me a wried look when i asked her fair and lovely . . . .
"Sir, we do have the Men's cream! Try those!"
Aaragh!!!@#$%

Even my bro doesn't spare me!
He wants me to go to some crap bank and pay his credit card bill.
Common! Is this justified!
ok. . . . .I used his credit card,
ok. . . . .He gave me 2000 bucks,
ok. . . . .Even he is paying for MY bills,
ok. . . . .He is pretty busy!
but. . . . .

Fine i will do it!!!!

And my friend(girl) calls me and says
"Matty! Go and find about the institutes regarding projects"

Now. . . i can't be the bad boy with a sweet little girl!

And just now my neighbor called me, he wants me to go and get a pc for his son!!!
aaaaaaah!!

Hummmm. . .

And still my mom and dad say I am good for nothing! I don't do anything, I am jobless. . . . .
blah blah and blah

And i again screwed up as usual, forgot my SNAP mock exam! Thanx to lady SRATS!!!
yeah i asked a girl to tell me when it is. . . and she. . . .

Tagged!!

2007-12-09T09:07:00.000+05:30

Finally I have been tagged, by my dear friend zahid.
Thanx dude. . .

well here goes d tag!!

8 Facts about Matty. . .

1. Being Matty, the indolent, feckless, corpulent, wretched and the moronic, was pretty difficult on my part! But I am proud I lived to my expectations!
I guess that told a lot about me!!

2. I am a gourmet. But I can't make myself even an omelet properly!

3. I believe in the fact that, "Everything is fair in love, war and an EXAM!!" I have been successfully copying in exams and never been caught till now! And Rahul is my partner in crime.

4. I am a hypersomniac. (Hypersomnia is a disease in which the patient suffers from excessively sleeping). Given a chance i would sleep fpr 24hrs at a stretch!

5. I have this worst habit of talking to myself! And hence I encounter many strange, sheepish looks from people around me.

6. BFL(big fat liar). I lie to my parents, I lied in my job interviews, I lied to my ex and . . .a long list.

7. I even suffer from partial amnesia. Like I always forget the dates, the birthdays, and anniversaries. I am always doubtful "Did I brush today? Did I take my bath? Did I lock the door? . . . . and most importantly when I borrow money or books from my friends, it instantly gets erased from my pea-sized brain!!

8. I am a Big Movie Freak! I watch hell lot of movies, if I don't get to see them in the theater then I get the DVDs. Of course the pirated ones!!!!!

Phew!
Enough of truth and self-humiliation!!!

Now time for me to tag someone. . I tag ssnab and bizarrekid.

The Courier

2007-12-06T17:46:00.000+05:30

DING DONG!!!!!!
I really really hate it when someone knocks at the door when i am fast asleep!
Common is 11 am a time to wake up. . . .that too in holidays!!!!!!!!!

I got up somehow and went upto the door! It was a courier guy.
Now who the hell had couriered me???

It was the Symbiosis Institute of management. I really don't know if i would get a seat into any of these B-Schools but i had applied to all of them, just in case my luck favors me!!!!!!

But really a heavy package! What the hell did he send me btw. . .

wait a min. . . . .
Oh gosh!!

I not only received my application form but also someone else's!!
Humm these courier guys. . . . they r soo careless!!!
And he was already gone.

let me see. . . .ummmm. . .
wait. . . i have the applicant's number on the form!!
The address read. . .

NEHA JAIN,
10-23/12, Malakpet,
Hyderabad.
Ph: 09985143143

Nice name!!
Common how could I not help her. . . I mean it's her application form and I am a responsible citizen. . . and a very good guy

I called her up. . .

SHE: "Hulo! Who is dis??"
ME: (mannnn. . .wahta a sweet voice. . . )
me regaining senses. . .
"Is this Neha?"
SHE: Yes I am. Who are you?
Me : well have you received your Symbiosis application? I am sure You have not, bcoz its with me!
SHE: HUh??? wat r u saying?? Who r u??
ME: I am mythreya. . .well you can call me matty!
SHE: HUH?? Well Myth.....or matty wateva.....could you be more clear. I am not at all able to understand you!!
ME: Actually the courier guy. . . .

and I told her d whole story. . . .and gave my address. . .
She thanked me and told me she would come today evening!!!!
what a sweet voice she had!!!!

I waited and waited. . . .
Hours seem to be years now. . .
suddenly the clock ticked so slowly. . .

the door bell rang again!!!!!

it must be her. . .

I opened the door!!

WOW!!!

You know a very interesting fact!!
Girls with the name NEHA are damn beautiful!!!

She was soo beautiful. . .
She wore a salwar, but still managed to look damn pretty!!!

I asked her to come in. Then told her the whole story all over again hw d courier guy had mistaken and blah blah. . .
Gave her application. . .

She asked me which colleges i was applying and everything abt me. . .
usual talk. . .

then. . .

SHE: I am really very thankful to you! You know you could also have jus neglected the courier and thrown it of. . . but you helped me. . .really really thanx. . .I don't know hw to thank you actually!!
ME: (I couldn't let go this beautiful chance and my master mind was already at work. . .)
Don't worry much NEHA. . . .well if you really wanna thank me then you can jus say it with a cup of coffee!!! Hope you drink coffee???
SHE: (she was a bit confused! she gave me what-d-hell look)
ME: common. . . Its just a cup of pure coffee. . .
SHE: Ok!! finee. . .

WOW!! I was already on a date!!!
yeah. . . a date with a beautiful girl whom i had just knew!!!
and my heart said. . . .
Life is indeed beautiful!!!!
U R TOO GOOD MATTY!!!

SUDDENLY. . . . .

DING DONG!!!!!!!

HUH? doorbell in a coffee shop???????????

I looked around. . . things looked a bit hazy. . . .
The application was lying beside me and on MY BED!!!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!

I was dreaming!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaarrrggghhhh!!!

woke up again. . . .
opened the door;
a man was standing . . .

he said" Hi Its NEHA. . . .

me, " WHATTTTT?? You r neha?????"

"No No! I am actually NEHA's Brother! dude could you get me d application fast! I am in a hurry."

I gave him the application and he left without even saying thank you!!!

told you. . . . .(sh)IT HAPPENS!!!
THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL LIFE!!!

Ex Troubles

2007-12-02T01:42:00.000+05:30

Ever been in an awkward situation . . .
when u wanna run away. . . .
when u know life's gonna screw u. . .
and still u laugh that awkward smile. . .

well. . . .

i don't know if one can call it embarrassing. . .
but it was for me. . . . . . .

an awful start. . . as usual. . .

Mom woke me up saying. . .
"Beta wake up. . .You have school. . ."

"Mom for GOD sake. . . I am in college!!! And my exams r jus over yesterday!!!!"

anyway. . .she woke me up. . .

had a wedding to attend. . .
my classmate was getting married. . .

i used to love weddings! the colors, the ambiance, the freshness. . .
and . . . the girls of course!!!

weddings are a beauty contest!
though here the bride is the winner. . .
but others compete for the runner ups. . .
the make ups, the lipsticks, and. . .even saris . . .
well it's all about them and their beauty!!!

but i was in no mood to crash a girl. . .

and then. . . . . . . .

POOOJA!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. . . .

why does she have to come to the same wedding. . .
wait a min. . .she's not my classmate's freind neither her relative. . .
wateva. . .
GOD!!

ok fine. . . . .

no need to overact. . . I am fine with her. . . .
let me just ignore her. . . .
even if she talks with me i won't give her a damn. . .

(two hours latter. . . .)

what the hell is dat wretch doing. . .
why isn't she noticing me. . .
and. . who the fuck is dat asshole beside her. . . .

I try to pass beside her for the millionth time but she pretends as if she never knew me. . .

ok. . . .
enough is enough. . .i can't stand this anymore. . .

i went before her, though nervously. . .
"Hi Pooja! How are you!"

She gave me the who-d-hell-r-u-asshole look!!!!!

then very reluctantly she said a "Hi" and turned back!

attitude!!!! why r girls so full of crap!!!

wateva. . . .

she looked very beautiful. . .
like an angel. . . .
those eyes. . .
the lips. . .
i wanted to kiss her. . .

aaah. . .

I hate break ups and I hate Ex-GFs
why can't we still be friends after a break up. . .
why we still go on a date even if we had decided we don't love each other. . .
wats wrong in drinking a coffee together!!

naah. . . .
girls!!!!
she wont understand this. . . .
she hates me. . .

another try. . . .
she was there at the dining hall. . .
glad she was alone this time!

this time i smiled like a fool and . . . .

SHE : matty! why r u doing this? you know i am not gonna talk you. . .

ME: Look poo. . . aa. . . .Pooja!! I just wanted to ask how r u?
common u can't just ignore me. . .
we have known each other for 3 yrs nw. . .

SHE : So wat do u expect??????

ME: Nothing. Just pure friendship.

SHE : wateva. . . look. . . you better be going . . . my boy friend will be here any min. . .

ME : WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???????????

(i almost dropped my plate)

SHE : what. . .huhhhh. . .

(that jerk arrived. . .)

i was shocked!!!!!

she was already dating another guy and i was . . . . .
aaaaarrrrrrraaaaaaaaggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

after few mins. . .
i ask my friend what the hell is Pooja doing here. . .
i mean how is she related. . . .

My Friend (bride) : OOh! she is his(groom's) cousin. well there is she is with her another cousin.

Whhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

she lied to me. . .
that. . .witch. . .

i am gonna. . . .

shit man shit. . .

and i was smiling actually. . . .

pheeeeeew. . . .

the end of an eventful day!!!!

and btw. . .

all you guys and gals out there. . .
here's a piece of advice. . .

play it safe. . .and STOP AIDS. . .

Gand Mein Padgayi Danda

2007-11-27T19:54:00.000+05:30

Finally finished with the crap exams. . . .

I hate myself for not blogging for days. . .

Screwed up all exams. . . .don't know if I will pass all. . .

CAT ne mara diya danda. . . .
this time i didn't screw any exam. . .
it screwed me hard!!

Gand Mein Padgayi Danda Yaroon. . . . .

and Mom and Dad are sure for the zillionth time that I am good for nothing. . .
and this time they r even sure that i have lost the last bit of sense in me. . . .

an MBA application form asked me why i was doing the crap MBA stuff. . . .

well . . .

it all started bcoz my ex wanted to do her MBA and she jus dragged me to those CAt classes. .
now she is gone and i am left with this wried thing. . .

even DAD WANTED!
he was shocked when i said i would do my MBA. . .
my parents were overjoyed that finally i had regained my senses. . .wateva. . .

But still. . .the girls in the college profiles look damn good. . .
maybe worth trying. . . .

and as friend once told me. .
"Do Your MBA If You Want a Beautiful Wife and a Luxury Car"

not bad. . . .

Exams over and no good movie is in the line up. . .

Saw Goal. . GOD!!
why do they make such kinda crap movies. . .
even i would have directed it better. . .

And someone PLZ tell SRK NOT TO EXPOSE AGAIN!!
HE LOOKS LIKE A GAY IN THAT DARD-E-DISCO. .

and still Om Shanti Om is a Hit. . .
Give me a break!!!

so same old story. . .

life is hell. . .
still single and dying. . .

and i gained 5 pounds this month. . .
what can get worse. . . .

but the silver lining. . . . .

Rahul forgot his 1000 bucks he lent me. . .
rahul u r great. . .thanx buddy. . .

now i jus hope he doesn't read this!!!!!

forbidden love

2007-11-03T10:29:00.000+05:30

an angel without wings . . .
flew by my heart,
she won't kiss. . .
neither would love,
for love was forbidden,
it was a sin. . .
which i had committed. . .
and which she wanted to;

an angel without wings. . .
flew by my heart,
the world gave me pain. . .
but she made me love the pain,
she wouldn't let my heart stop. . .
she wouldn't let me die;

but this cruel world wouldn't let her. . .
wouldn't let me. . .
love my angel without wings,
for i was unaware that she wasn't made for love. . .
for no one told me god blessed her with endless pain. . .
and alas!
they won't even let me see her cry. . .
for i was the sinner . . .
and she was forbidden;

years later i saw her. . .
not a smile. . .
not a cry. . .
not even a word. . .
she lay silent. . .
six feet under. . .
in peace. . .

she was no more an angel without wings. . .
no more. . .

for you my love

2007-11-01T17:12:00.000+05:30

jane-ja..o jan-e-man...
dilruba meri dilruba...
sun mujhe o bewafa..
na ja mujhe chod kar...
tu hi meri zingadi...
tu hi meri har khushi..tu hi mera jahan...
tu hi meraa pyaaaaar...

ooh baby ...ooh baby...
love you by the day..
love you by the night..
love you forever and ever...

meri jane-jana tu..mera dil..meri dilruba..
mujhe chod ke na jan tu...
na ja...o..na ja...
mere pass a....
mujhe aur na tadpa....
seh na sakunga mein...
na rehna sakunga mein..
tere bin na je sakunga mein...

come back to me ooooh baby...
come back to me....
you are the air i breathe..
you are the reason i live...
don't leave me babe...

tere bina na jiunga...
ter bina na marunga..
meri jane-ja....
meri jan-e-man..
tu hi meri meri zindgai..
tu hi meri khuda..
tu hi meriiiiiiii... jahan!!

i see beautiful days and i feel beautiful ways of loving you, every thing's midnight blue

my musings

2007-11-01T11:44:00.000+05:30

another lonely day. . .

i am here at a restaurant all alone. . .
i feel like the dining dead. . .
just existing. . .
confused what to eat. . .
what to do. . .with my damn life

suddenly a boy and a girl in the front table catch my attention. . .
she is beautiful and he is handsome. . .
and they seem to be pretty happy. . .
the smiling, the blushing. . .

is love such a lovely thing. . .
can i fall in love. . .
can i also make a girl blush. . .
will i be the world to someone. . .someday at least. . .

why am i so scared to meet someone new. . .
why am i so scared to get a life. . .
why am i so scared to take my chances. . .
i know there are fair chances that i may fall on my face. . .
that my life would be miserable all over again. . .

but it's no good now. . .

suddenly i see a girl walking upto me. . .
she looks like an angel. . .
beautiful. . .
those sparkling eyes, the rosy lips. . .
should i talk to her. . .
no..maybe yes. .
maybe there exists love at first sight. . .
maybe. . .

a boy comes out of no where and holds her. . .
and she smiles. . .

aah. . .
stupid me. . .

time to go dude. . .
and i walk out of the door still hoping for something to happen. . .
better luck next time i guess!!!

Jab We Met

2007-10-30T18:32:00.000+05:30

No no I am not going to start another love story here. . .

It's purely going to be a 'Movie Review'

CAST : Kareena & of course Shahid kapoor. . .

Aditya (Shahid) is broken. His father, a rich businessman is dead. His company is in huge losses. And his girl friend marries another guy (and i thought all the rich brats had all the girls!).
And our hero runs away from his life, from his problems.
He has no clue where to go and suddenly catches a running train.

There he meets Geet (kareena), the Ms.Chatterbox, who never keeps her mouth shut and who has this dream of running away from her home and getting married.

Geet misses her train because of Aditya and insists him to take her to her home.
But after reaching home they again run away (now plz don't ask me then why did they go home in the first place!) but hey it's not shahid kareena wants to marry, shahid is just her company because he has no other work, she actually runs away for her hubby Anshuman.

And as usual Anshuman rejects her(or else how is shahid going to get kareena in the end!!!)
And the remaining story how they finally marry each other and live happily ever after with their kids.

Kareena is preety sexy in the movie.
Songs are damn good. Some soothing music.
Good movie to watch with your girlfriend.
And if you are single you get to see kareena in the movie and some hot chicks in the interval(yeah believe me few girls are gonna love this flick).

Really got nothing to do??
Go to "JAB WE MET".

A Story

2007-10-26T17:37:00.000+05:30

"How is the patient doctor?" Sai asked the doctor. . .
(Sai was a medical student in the hospital. . )

"Oh! He will be fine in few days. you seem to be very curious! Do you know him?"
"Yeah i know him very well. He is from my village."
"Oh! Then you must also know the old lady who keeps asking about him too. "

"An old lady! Where is she?"
"She is in the waiting hall . . . . but wouldn't tell us how is she related to him."

Suddenly like a storm Sai's mind rolled back into his past. . .
Something told him it was her. . .

He rushed to the waiting hall. . .

She was in her fifties but looked a lot older. . .
her face was wrinkled. . .
eyes holding back a great grief. . .
but like her tears had dried out. . .

but still Sai knew well it was her. . .

Tears trickled down Sai's eyes. . .
The doctor asked "What happened? why are you so sad looking at her?"

"Her name is Shantamma. She is the mother of the patient."

Ten years back . . . .

Madhav Shastri was the head priest of his small village. He was also the sarpanch.
Shantamma was his wife.

The whole village respected Shastri and Shantamma was no less than a goddess to the villagers.

Ramu was the son of satyamma. Satyamma had lost her husband long ago.
She maid for the Shatri's home.

Though Ramu was a son of a maid, but Shantamma loved him just as her son.
Ramu stayed mostly with the Shastri's eating and playing the kids. . .
Shantamma even sent him to school with her children.

Everything was fine till one day. . .

Ramu fell sick terribly. .
his body hot, shivering. . .
in the beginning everyone thought it was a mere fever. .
Shantamma the physician was called. .
he gave few potions mad from the herbs. .

"I have given the medicine but it may take a week or two. . . " said the physician.

A whole week passed but Ramu's health didn't improve. .
Ramu's uncle Ramesh suggested another physician to be called. .

Though Shantamma suggested to wait for a week but no one listened as they grew desperate. . .

Another physician from the nearby village was called . . .
He checked Ramu and said with gloomy face. . .

"The boy is suffering from dosh gunam"

Everyone was shocked. . .
They knew well what it meant. . .

"dosh gunam" was a popular belief of the villagers that if any woman sexually harassed a boy or forced him into sex with her then he would fall ill with this sickness. . .
They believed the only way to cure it was to bring the blood from the thighs of the women and put it on the boy's eyes. . .

Now the question was who did it?

Everyone knew Ramu was always with only two women. . .
His mother and . . . .

Shantamma. . .

Ramesh grew angry. . .

He along with few villagers thronged at Shastri's house. . .

Shastri believed in his wife's innocence and ordered them to leave immediately . . .

Four days passed Ramu's health become even worse. . .
Ramesh was desperate. . .

He again thronged towards Shastr's home. . .

This time he pleaded to save the boy's life. . .

Sashtri believed in his wife but then. . . .

He said. . .

"I will give my wife's blood. . .If it doesn't work i shall have your head cut off. . . "

Shantamma couldn't take this insult. . .
But was forced. . .

The blood was bought and put 9in the eyes of the boy. . .

The night was dreadful . . .
No one could sleep. . .

"What if it were true. . .what if Ramu really gets cured. . .no no!!
This is not possible!!!"
All sorts of thoughts crept Shastri's mind. . .

The doom's day arrived. . .

To everyone's astonishment. .

The boy was cured!!!!

Shantamma was thrown out of the village and she was branded as a bitch. . .

Shastri killed himself out of insult. . .

"So was Shantamma really guilty?" asked the doctor. . . who listened the whole story. . .

"No she was not. . ."

"How do you know it?"

"Because I am Ramu. My full name is Sai Ram.
And I know the truth. . . ."

PS : the story was inspired from an old Telugu movie called "GRAHANAM"

Give me a break!!!!!

2007-10-24T13:08:00.000+05:30

I am suffering from hypersomnia....

and as usual.... my life is back to hell...

i didn't shave since two weeks..
forgot to take my bath yesterday...
but..luckily I remembered to brush my teeth today..

As I opened my door . .
the girl next door gave me the "who the hell let him out of the zoo" look..

poor girl...i did scare her...

no food in the house...damn it...
i am hungry but too lazy to change my pyjamas and get some food from the outside...
the house is soo untidy..

well this is what happens usually when my mom and dad leave me alone in the home...

no college.... some damn preparation holidays for some fucking semester exams...
but all i do is...rest my fat ass on the couch and watch the damn t.v.

and believe me even the t.v. runs some crap nowadays..
the news channels are busy with who-is-dating-whom stuff...
like i ever cared...
and as usual the ekta kapoor's damned sas-bahu serials are running their zillionth episode!!!

then i turn to my computer...
as usual...

yahoo says i have four new mails...

the first one a chain mail asking me to forward it or....i will face bad luck till the rest of my stupid life...
huh?
like i am having good luck now!!!!!!

the second one a damn add from the shadi.com asking me if i am interested!!
humm....sorry dude!!
I am just 20...can't marry...it's illegal!!!!

the third one from my friend forwarding me some so called hot wallpapers...
common...i am not a school kid to see porn stuff and hot wall papers on the net!!!!
huhhhhhh......

and finally the fourth one is from my communication systems lecturer asking me to submit my assignment or i shall be hanged by the end of the day!!!!
Ohhh god!

And rahul calls me and says.....

"you drunken bastard...
what the hell are you doing?
It's Wednesday you idiot!!!
You got the lab exam this afternoon...."

huh!!!!
what the hell......
I thought it was Tuesday....
Oh god....
Give me a break......

My greatest weakness

2007-10-22T19:11:00.000+05:30

Damn!!

Can't I change??

I am fed up with my "fickle mindedness"!

I can't decide what to eat!
I can't decide what to wear!
What to say, what to do. . . . .

What do I want exactly! I don't know!!!

Yeah this is been there all my life. . .

Every time I take up a decision I always think. . ."Did I do the right thing? No I shouldn't have done it!"

Man! Believe me this sucks!

Why life is full of regrets always. . . .

I dream of becoming a manager one day. . .
Do my MBA. . .
But . . . now the damn question is am I capable?
Or do I have pretend and hide my weakness just as did it in my job interviews!!

whatever. . .

Random Thoughts!!!

2007-10-22T08:29:00.000+05:30

The other day some one told me . . .

"The past is past. What you have is only your present and the future."

But. . .

Is it really the past that dies out. . .
No.
It's actually the present that readily dies and becomes a part of the past . . .

We live in the present. But what determines our present and our future?
The answer is simple. . .the past!
It is our deeds and actions in the past that determines the outcome in the present and the time to come. .

Then why do we run away from the past, why do we try to ignore it, why do we still hope of a brighter future when our body is still drenched with the sins of yesterday. . .

Well this is human nature. . .

We commit sins and then we pray for mercy. . .

But the question is. . .why do we suffer even if we are granted mercy. . .
Why do we have the consequences of the things we haven't done. . .

The GITA says a man has to suffer the consequences of the actions he has performed in his past lives in this life. . .

Isn't this insane. . .

We don't even know what we have done. . . we don't even know if we ever existed in some damn past life. . .
And people call it the karma. . .

If there existed someone called "GOD" then why are so many people dying. . .
Why are children hungry. . .
Why is there suffering. . .
All the prayers, are they really heard?

Is death the end?
If no, then whats after it. . .

Well. . .

All I can say is. . .
though we don't have perfect answers to these questions but there exists one damn thing. . .
called the "Belief"

Maybe . . .
everything is just as we thought it to be!

Maybe. . .
The present is momentary and the past eternal. . .

Maybe. . .
Someone really is out there watching our stupid lives . . .

Life or something like that!

2007-10-13T07:38:00.000+05:30

I still remember the first day of my college....

I was dressed up as a joker; complete formals, no shoes, no stylish haircuts, "Just look like a loser" thats what my seniors said!
I was feeling a bit nervous, but also excited!
Then all of a sudden a very beautiful girl came unto me and said something.....
Well I can't remember what exactly she said but I was mesmerized by her beauty!
Man! She was soo hot!!
Well you can say it might be the effect of the two years of stay in a boys college but still she was awesome!

Everyday I would look for her! Hope that she would once again come and rag me!
But naah! Luck didn't favor me...
Though I saw her lot of times but still never had the guts to talk to her......

Three years have passed without a notice now!

Time seemed to be running......

And we still cuddling ourselves in our beds.....

Not willing to face the fact that soon everything will be over...

Yes! We are the final years!
Just few days now....

We know when we started our journey we thought it would be a joy ride; but now we knew it's not!
We had our share of ups and downs.......

The fresher's parties..... The first time discos...
The first time boozing sessions! The fags......
The biker boys.... The hangouts....
the girls.....err!....... Sorry not the girls though!!!!!
Yeah I am still unlucky!!

And not to forget the night outs!!
Well how I could just wish we were not measured by our marks....
Because.....we just studied one damn night and still passed (most of the times)......

How suddenly on the day of the exams we all remembered the almighty.....
Begging him for more...

The first time I failed ...It was hard to take.....
I was broke completely; thought everything was over.....
but then how I forgot everything over a peg of vodka!!
Then I became kinda used to it!!

All of a sudden the final year arrived....

Suddenly for the first time in years we all passed all the subjects.....
"No backlogs; All cleared" read my mark sheet!

The placement season arrived....
Suddenly we all thought of giving a meaning to our lives...
Few of us got placed few of us still waiting anxiously for the next company....
Few trying to fly off to the US....
And others going to rule the world as MBA's
The time had come to realize our dreams..... to draw a meaning out of our stupid lives...

Well as I scibble down this post... I know well ....
Maybe it's going to be over soon...
All the bunking, the movies, the hangouts, those parties....
suddenly all seemed to be fading away.....like the sunset...

Suddenly few days from now, I will get up from my bed and think of getting dressed to college...then suddenly I shall realize....
It's over.....

No more lazy days.....
No more late night parties.....
No more stupid gossips...
Well.....I am gonna certainly miss all these days....

Well but.... Let me sign off and enjoy the last few moments...
Just hoping that these days be longer....

As someone rightly said..
"Every good thing has to end! But memories will remain.....memories will remain!!!"

Confessions of an internet addict!!

2007-10-08T19:50:00.000+05:30

I just discovered that the sweet little girl I have been chatting on the net for hours together exists right in my neighborhood!!!

The other day. . .
we had a formal get together in the apartments on the occasion of ganesh chaturthi . . . and I was out in my dark room. . .
doing all the normal stuff - orkut, yahoo, blogger. . .

Well even now my mom is screaming as i scribble down this post!
Its not that she has any problems with me hanging around in this virtual world but. . .
it's just she feels a little insecure that her son is drifting away. . . from her. . .from himself!

Yeah even I am one of the guys who has caught up with this addiction!

Hours together on the net. . . like one has dedicated one's self wholly to this demon called "internet".

We long for these so called "online friends" but seldom think about our real friends!

Even people who know each other for real talk on the internet as if they were long last friends or have known each other for years now!
But when it comes to one on one . . . in the real life. . . .seldom even eyes are met and rarely smiles exchanged!
But why?

The possible answer is maybe we are not what we pose in the virtual world to be! And to hide this very fact we don't respond ourselves to our social instincts!

And there are still many more reasons too. . . .

My female counterparts have a very interesting answer!

One girl once told me she couldn't talk to me before others because she felt I was not like her in the real life!
She was this homely, studious, daddy's girl and I was a punk, getting wasted all the time!!
Wooooh!

But in the virtual world well. . . .
I can alter my image. . .
Play any role. . .
Be anyone I want. . .

Now the bottom line is . . . by doing all this. . .am I losing my original self?
Am I trying to pretend something. . . .
Have I lost my originality?
Is my virtual self overtaking the "real me"?

Well questions do ponder sometimes but are readily dismissed by the instinctive response of the "other part of me" telling my entity . . . .

"what the fuck! Just chill and enjoy your damn life. Don't stress your little brain!"

SIDE EFFECTS!!

2007-10-04T20:36:00.000+05:30

Believe me the worst thing that can ever happen to you in a relationship is THE BREAK UP!

Well I don't really know how women take it but. . . .

For men like me. . . .it's the worst. . .

I mean you really don't have a break up actually. . . .its not like. . "Forgetting and moving on".
No! It never is. . . .

I never forgot Pooja. . . never can I?

And Life is very cruel. . . it plays these stupid games on you. . .

Those beautiful eyes. . . . her graceful smile. . . .every single thing about . . came back to me. . .
She had become an addiction. . . . .
all those memories. . . all those beautiful days we spent together . . all those dreams we saw together. . . .
Naah! Can't just be broken. . ..
Hearts are not made of glass to be broken neither are just flesh and blood but much more. . . .
They say time heals all the wounds . . . .not these . . . not these I say!!!

Imagine how it would have been if even our lives would have buttons like REWIND and ERASE.

I want to go back. . . relive my past. . .

I miss you Pooja!!
Miss you. . . . .

Damn!!! I hate this. . . .

2007-10-04T20:25:00.000+05:30

Four girls call me and ask me an explanation about my blog!!!! (my last post). . . .
Another almost kills me!
And the worse. . . . .
a girl stops completely talking with me. . . bcoz she feels i am flirting with her . . . .
What has happened to all of them. . . why don't they understand. . . . .
GOD!
why are these girls so skeptic. . . .
ok I am an as**ole to blow up my ass in the internet!!!!

Well all I can just say is all the GIRLS who hate me. . . .
its completely ur choice . . . But believe me . . . I AM NOT CRASHING ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!

This is all I what i got to say. . . . . .

I was having a good time. . . .but no!!
Mr.FATE won't rest until he see me all screwed up. . again hating life. . . again hating myself. . .
Damn! Why do all the wrong things happen to me always!!!!!

Platonic SS

2007-09-30T01:45:00.000+05:30

Well business as usual "Life is Hell." Just discovering the new reasons!

You know the bitter truth - "Man always finds his reason to cry." If suddenly one fine day your life seems to be beautiful; everything is just fine. . . then you stop and wonder -

Damn! Something is terrible and I am not even able to sense it!

Well if thats the case with an average human, then just imagine about a natural born "Skeptic" like me!

Ok! Enough of crap.

Sleeping for 12 damn hours and still suffering from insomnia. Eating too much because I am depressed and depressed because I am eating too much. Growing waistline. Not a damn penny in the pocket. No real girlfriend. My grades all are fucked up. I am just pissed off!

The worse just arrived. . . .

I don't understand girls! Let me tell you this small story of a girl. Her name is SS. She is adorable; well at least she had some sense her. The first time I met her I thought "God! Poor child! Doesn't she have food to eat?" Oh she is fine now! Guess she heard me and started eating!

Today she's like an addiction to me. I can't sleep without talking to her! I laugh to all her stupid jokes, and still don't understand why they are so funny! Everyday I try my hard to keep her hanging around with me.

We talk hours together daily . . . . in the virtual world!

Oh ya! She's my online-friend!
Though we are from the same college. We hardly talk in the real world.
Is it necessary to go and hit on a girl, if I find her interesting??
Well this is the question that has been bothering me for quite sometime.

No! I am not in love. After what happened I am a bit reluctant to fall in love. But certainly I had to move on. And maybe this is just a distraction to help me makeover. Then what is this thing?

Hummm. So I have another crush now! Great!

Rahul wrote me down a SIX step planner to date a girl!

STEP 1 : Get closer. Talk. Know the target. . .umm sorry . . . girl first.
STEP 2: Getting Still closer. Becoming her good friend.
STEP 3: Now this was interesting. . . . "Flirting". No Direct indications though. Just stay cool.
STEP 4: Going around with her. Flirting all the time. Indications. Make her feel you care for her. Show her some love man!
STEP 5: Now here's the trick. Don't show up to her for two to three days. No phone calls. Nothing. Just disappear. And then after those damn two days. . .PROPOSE HER.
STEP 6: By now she should have said yes. In case she turns you down then just apply the golden rule. . . .

"Never run behind a train, a bus . . . . .and a girl! Because if one goes another will come".

Well . . now that was really cool. . but. . . .
Can I do it???

Humm let me see. . . .Well right now i got to go as my messenger is blinking and I got her on the line. See you later folks!!

One day in Hyderabad

2007-09-03T23:02:00.000+05:30

Let it put it straight to you that I am not the kinda optimist who wakes early in the morning even though his wife ran away with his neighbor last night, and says "it's going to be my day".
Though skeptic at times but today was different. . .
It was my brother's birthday. Ya i remembered it this time.
Except that everything was normal. A lazy Saturday when I usually hang out with my friends in the weekend. Hyderabad is a happening city. Lots of places to hang around. The central shopping mall, the multiplex, the tank bund, lumbini park and lot more. .
But if you are looking for some eatery then you got the usual hyderabadi biryani hotels and if you wanna bite some chat its gonna be GOKUL chat.
Yup GOKUL chat was near and fitted our pockets too.
Saturday evenings you find the roads full the malls full, people enjoying their weekend, few shopping few romancing few just sight seeing and window shopping.

But our manuji was pretty busy in the Saturdays. Oh I am sorry. Manuji as we all call him was the care taker of our very favorite GOKUL CHAT. We had evolved from the usual customer and shopkeeper relation to a friendship level. We loved the place so much that no week went by without visiting our GOKUL.
Things change in a day. Yes I have always believed in that.
Today was a special day for some and the doomsday for the others.
It was 6 pm. I was waiting at GOKUL for my brother he said he would meet me there.
He was late as unusually. Generally i was the one.
It was 6:30. I was about to leave but just then he called and said he was on the way. It will take time. I killed the time by browsing some book stalls. Looking at the girls. And to my luck my friend Rahul just dropped in. So now I had company.
7 pm: My brother shows up. We go to inside GOKUL. About a fifty people rush in to get the bite.
7:10 pm: Sukhi the kulfi guy in GOKUL, shouts to everyone, someone left a bag near his counter. No one responds. But then a guy turns out and says its his. He says he kept it there
as he cant eat holding it along. Sukhi doesn't oppose. He gets back to work.
7:25 pm: we eat kulfi. I asked sukhi "kya sukhi kahin jane ka program hai?" "Itna bada bag?"
he replies "Arey mein kidhar jaunga saabh. Ab lagta hai yehin par jiyunga yehin marunga. Bag to customer ka hai"
7:35 pm: We are almost done with our kulfi. We notice a group os sexy girls arrive. We stay a bit longer.
7:40 pm: We move on thinking thats enough for our belly and eyes.
7:41 pm: Bro gets a call. He stops to talk. We wait along.
7:44 pm: We step out finally from GOKUL.

7:45 pm: Never knew that hell would be like this. Never knew . . . . thats doomsday was so close.
BOOOOM!! A blast!
GOKUL ON FIRE!!
WE COULD SEE NOTHING. ONLY RED FLAMES PEOPLE SCREAMING. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. WE COULD NOT MOVE. WE DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTOOD WHAT WAS HAPPENING. SUDDENLY LIKE A VOLCANO, LIKE A FIRE BALL, AND THEN ONLY ASHES ONLY BLOOD THERE WERE BODIES EVERYWHERE.NONE OF THEM MOVING. NONE OF THEM ALIVE. . .
NO time to think. I dialed the 108 emergency. And called up the fire engine and the ambulence.
But no time.
We stop the city bus. Carry the bodies to the hospital nearby. THEY WERE DEAD OR ALIVE WE COULDN'T SAY. NONE OF THEM MOVED.
Like life stopped. Like they forgot to breathe.
IT was so mess. Manuji was dead. his body was not there it was blown up. The body parts shattered all over the places. I could have fainted at that sight. But i didnt.
Some force something still kept me alive. I had to move fast rescue the living people. An inner force gave me the strength.
7:55 We moved the bodies to the hospital.
the emergency wards so many people. Many dead many battling their last breathe.
The sight was horrible. First time i felt the value of human life.
First time i felt how precious our lives are.
8:00 pm: the police takes over from here.
we clear from the scene.
my clothes all drenched in blood. I don't know if it's a Hindu's blood or a Muslim's blood. I don't know if the man dying before my eyes was a Hindu or a Muslim. I didn't knew if the man i rescued was a Muslim or a Hindu.
Nether did the bomb knew.

8:45: I breathe for the first time in one whole hour. Tears don't come out of my eyes. Even they fear to come into this wicked world. Our faces turn blank. We call up our parents to say we are alive. Just alive.
On;ly we knew we could have been dead an hour ago, or maybe fighting death.
Does god existed. He did for my mom who thinks he was the one who saved me.
then why didn't he save others?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
24 people died in the GOKUL CHAT blast. Many more are still fighting for their lives.
A mom lost her only son, who was her only hope to life.
A complete family was killed. Two kids and the wife and husband.
Five students who had come to visit the city died. Their joy tour became their worst nightmare.
But still life didn't take a stand still. . . .
IT MOVES ON. . . .
WE MOVE ON. . .. .
THINKING EVEN OUR CONTRY HAS BECOME HELL AND THE GOVT A WASTE.
LIFE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. . . .

The end part2

2007-08-27T12:43:00.000+05:30

It was Saturday. We met on a date. Well its kinda the last dates you have before your breakup. Suddenly the food tastes terrible, you have nothing to talk like you just came to shave your pocket for some crap pizza. Life is like this only. Even the beautiful girls around you don't lighten up. They are all the same. Bitches. Walking into and out of your life just in a second.
She looked beautiful though. In her usual attire. No man could remove his eyes from her. But today i couldn't eve look at her. But, then my eyes fell on her slender neck. I anted to kiss her. But couldn't.
When you want to kiss your girlfriend and you don't the its the time when you realize its the time to call it off. Every thing's going to be over soon. End of story.
All I wanted to say to her was ok fine. Go away but not that idiot. Atleast I am better than him!!!
Yup you got it right. I am talking abt vishal.
He was scoring sixes and i was out for a duck.
The Sunday's were really boring. Doing nothing. Boring Boring Boring...
Then suddenly my phone rang...
It was pooja.
"Hey. If you are free then could you make it my home. We have a small party."
I should have said no.. but...
"Hey Youngman! Its good to see you here. So. How is it going?"
Thats was Pooja's dad... and he was not talking with me...
It was that bastard. He had done every possible thing to kill me.
Well I should had expected this. Pooja's dad hated me always. Well why not. He was a rich businessman and I was just a mediocre guy with no millions in the bank nor a great family background.
I was simple. At the beginning when I asked why she loved me she used to say she liked my down to earth attitude, she like my contentedness. And now... well all I get to hear these days is I am not ambitious, I don't have high aims and how she hated my simpleton attitude.
Wow. Now what can one say!!
I hated this party. But fine I had the drinks. She would kill me if I got drunk. But who cares anyway I am dead already. We had everything, breezers for the kids, wishky for the drunken , and vodka... yup this was for me!!
Oh! gosh! what happened....
I don't remeber a thing. Wait... oh boy was I so drunk...
I woke up in a strange place. Was I dreaming?
What the hell!!! I was in Vishal's room.
"Hey dude? How are you feeling? You screwed up man!!"
"What... "
Well in life you sometimes wish if you could just run away from evrything if you could hide become invisible. This was my moment.
I was drunk and I made a mess out of the party behaving like a Sharabi... slapping people around behaving like astret dog.. yes the kinda of drunken morons you see in typical hindi movies.
This was the end of the end. And this bastard acted the hero by bringing me to his place.
He was the hero. And the loser.
Certainly this was not going to be a happy ending!!!

The begining of the end!!

2007-08-22T00:50:00.000+05:30

I didn’t know if I was suffering from any disease or if I was really dying. My doctor said all I need was some good sleep. I couldn’t sleep. My eyes forgot to close, but my heart was still beating slowly. In insomnia you are don’t sleep and you are neither awake. My food didn’t taste good, my life was at its worst. Pooja left me ….finally….. maybe forever.
It was Thursday I guess or maybe Friday I don’t remember exactly, I woke up late, didn’t go to college as usual. I saw burnt scraps of papers and empty vodka bottles all over my room: ashes of letters and photographs which she returned eventually. It took me a minute to realize that I had been drinking. I had promised her I would never ever drink again but few promises are meant to be broken few relationships are destined to be broken. She promised me she would never leave me, but. . . .
Wait…. Roll back … Exactly Three Months ago….
Yes this was when I first met that bastard Vishal. I don’t know why when Pooja introduced him to me I hated him at the very first time. Call it envy or whatever but I couldn’t stand him for some unknown reasons. Pooja didn’t tell him we were more than friends, why? I wanted to ask her but didn’t.
Ok you can call me possessive or sensitive or whatever but I am a normal man with not a big heart. Sorry I am what I am!
A week later….
Pooja didn’t call me the whole day. She never did that. I tried to call her but her phone was off. Then suddenly a message appeared that she was out with her cousin busy shopping and her battery was dead. She asked me not to call back. Nothing else to do I called up Vijay and decided to kill my time by watching a movie if not at least sleep in the hall. Even I had to do some shopping tomorrow was Pooja’s b’day. I had to buy her a gift. Girls how specific they were about these stuffs: Gifts roses chocolates and what not.
Vijay called “dude! where are you?” “I saw Pooja with someone….”.
I replied, “Ya man. She is with her cousin” “Oh! So he is her brother?”
“What!! Ya think so. She didn’t tell me< actually her battery…..”
It was 11:58 pm. I had put an alarm to wish Pooja at midnight. Of course I had to be the one who was supposed to wish her first. Those two mins were really hell. Never knew two mins could be so looong.
I called her. It was busy. What!! Who could call her before me? Was I late? No. It was exactly 12. Man I dialed again. Same busy. What the hell I thought.
Fifteen mins past twelve I kept my calm though I tried a zillion times already. I hated it. Someone else was wishing my girlfriend before me.
I didn’t cal anymore I slept. Then my phone rang. It was her.
“Sorry Sorry plz …”
“ Ok ok happy b’day…. Who was it?”
“Oh it was Vishal. I didn’t know he remembered my b’day. “
“Good for you. Ok goodnight happy b’day once again. I am feeling sleepy. I better go. Bye.”
“Wait! That’s it…”
“Ya well… will see you tomorrow. Bye”
I hung up. I couldn’t sleep. I hated him more. And I loved her less.
The afternoon I met Pooja, we were supposed to meet for lunch. I was finally alone with her.
Then . . . .
I heard a familiar voice. I looked up. It was him, Vishal. Smiling.
“Hey guys, never thought you would be here!” “So. . . .”
“Why don’t you join us” Pooja said.
He was invading my life now. I hated him. I thought maybe the law will not hang me after listening to my story, if I killed him right away, maybe I will have to live the rest of my life in jail, maybe….. I raised my fork but…
A week passed by. Now we started fighting even on little things. We were behaving once again like teenagers. Immature, silly but still …..
By the end of the month we no longer kissed each other goodbye and goodnights. The romance was clearly out of track.
It seemed as if we were bored of each other’s company. She no longer blushed neither did I drop my jaws on looking at her.
“And they lived happily ever after…” ending seemed to be fainting in my love life.
But nevertheless her thoughts dwindled in my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking of her. Pride and prejudice. Yup it became my story now.
One long dry month ended.

The Rebirth

2007-08-08T16:52:00.000+05:30

I always believed that things would change in a day. That sorrows were mere clouds and not the everlasting sky. That joy was the ever shining sun; sometimes playfully hiding behind the clouds of “sorrow”. Dejected, defeated and hopelessly I had almost started believing that my dreams were shattered; would never again be fixed together. I was almost lost in the mirage of grief. I had two backlogs and not even a great aggregate; I felt them as a permanent stain not only on my mark sheet but on my life. Everyone, almost everyone looked down upon me. I was a mice in the rat race. I colud do nothing but pray.
Never knew prayers really worked. Never knew miracles do happen. Never knew God saw even an ugly mortal like me. My results were out four days before my first interview. “All clear”. Never ever heard those words in my heart for years now. After three tiring semesters I did not see an “F” in my mark sheet. Mercy was in fact sweet. I gathered myself. I had four days left. I did not even touch my books thinking I was not eligible. Now I wanted to read but I could not. All day I ate and tried to sleep; sometimes I ran through the pages. My heart sank a little. Then the D-Day arrived.
Never ever I my life I wore formal clothes. I woke up at four, shaved early in the morning, got my self dressed. I reached my college at eight. Never ever I stepped my college before eleven. All my peers greeted me. We were dressed alike but still managing to smile. Right then our first company arrived. After a long presentation about their company, then we were called for the written exam. After battling for one never ending hour with those questions we made an exit from the hall. Now the butterflies in our stomach started to spread their wings. But still we tried to flaunt that we were normal. But inside we all knew what was going on.
The results were announced, my heart started beating, my legs started shivering, and someone called my name. But did I hear it, was it my name, am I in? All sort of questions shaped up my mind. Then like suddenly waking up from a sound sleep I woke up in the battle field. I was called instantly for the interview. The interviewer called me in. There are moments in life when you wish you had the Mr.India invisible gadget; when you want to run away from everything and hide under you bed. This was mine. I don’t really remember when the shaking and shivering of my body parts started without my knowledge. The interviewer smiled and offered me a glass of water. Then he asked me to tell me about myself. I couldn’t even remember my college name. Then I took a deep breath and went on with the interview. Questions hit me like a missile. I never even heard the things he asked or was I deaf remained an unsolved mystery. After an half an hour I was asked to leave. “Best of luck for your future.” That’s what the interviewer told me with a sigh. Now I really couldn’t decode that expression. Was he impressed; will he select me? Man! That really killed me.
It took five long hours for the whole interview process to complete. Five hundred appeared for the interview. Two hundred and fifty passed the written. Now how many will make it to the hall of fame, was what we eagerly awaited. It was ten thirty and then the HR team arrived with the list of the lucky persons, the blessed ones. The whole list was read out. I didn’t find my name in the long list of hundred and six. My ears refused to believe; my heart still sounded hopeful maybe there are more, maybe. But all hopes sunk. Life this was the end. My first interview was a disaster. I had once again lost in my career, in my life. I was really a mice. Every other guy was celebrating, calling his parents making them proud and I had disappointed all those hopeful faces who believed I would make it. I reached home. Before my parents could ask anything, my silence said it all. I could not sleep.
After a dull week, I woke up to my next interview. But hope died a brutal death. No more smiles no more prayers. I walked into the college. We all looked at each other and tried to bring in back the spirit. But we failed very badly. The written was once again a googly. Again kept me in mystery weather I would make it or not. But then God only knows what happened I made it again for the interview. Again I was called instantly. But this time there was an extra round the real hell – ‘the technical interview’. I had no idea about the technical part. I was the worst. I had made up my mind to return home straight after the interview thinking anyway I would screw it. The interviewer, this time a much younger a seemingly friendly gentleman, called me in. He was slowly trying to bisect me. Bring out everything I had in my small and insignificant so called brain. After a long hour of questionnaire, he smiled a devil’s smile and finally handed me the HR form. I was shocked I had cleared the most difficult part. But now there was still a bouncer left. I went in. This time it was a very beautiful lady. Well her beauty distracted me a bit though but did put me at ease. The HR interview was the real trap. It looked like cake walk from the outside but inside it was all waist-deep waters. Somehow managing to kill the time and trying to hide my butterflies, I completed my interview.
The most amazing thing about my life is the hope never died out in me. Somewhere in my body it still existed. I was not confident though. But still something told me I might make it. The results were announced after all the interviews were over. My heart sank again. I kept my fingers crossed. “Rahul, Vijay, Ajay, Raja…..” where is my name; I wondered. Then there it was though for a micro second but I felt someone called me out. I couldn’t believe I was in a dilemma. My friends screamed they hugged me. We all had made it. Now I started believing. I took a deep breath. Thanked the almighty. Tears ran down eyes. Never knew success was so sweet. I called up my parents. They were overwhelmed. I made them proud. My life started to bear a meaning. This mice had won. This backbencher had made it. Clouds do have a silver lining.

my angel

2007-06-23T19:13:00.000+05:30

miss u by the day..
miss u by the night..
if there was anything between a day and a night then i will miss u even then!!!
i dont know what if it is love which runs in my viens instead of blood....
i dont know what it is which i breath instead of air...
call it love or something else...
oh what do u i know when my soul is filled up with something which cries out only one name... YOU AND YOU
these r not words oh my dasmel... these are the scraps of my heart not written in blood though but still are as divine as life could be.... i wish i could open my heart and keep it before you my love but my mortalness stops me......
oh! Beautiful lady please stop.. let the time to freeze for i cannot chose but stare upon you to your enchanting smile.. till the end of the world!!!
i lay behold in my dreams.. not single .. not alone.... but with the love of my life.... and i say to god.. take me if you want.. for i shall not grieve .. for my dreams have come true.. and i shall not grieve ...

THE JINXED AND THE HOODOOS

2007-04-21T22:29:00.000+05:30

Oh! Please don't put away my words as mere superstitiousness and sheer pessimism, when I say I am 'Paraskavedekatriaphobic' - suffering from the fear of Friday the thirteenth. And mind you there are theories and facts which prove that this day is indeed the unluckiest day of the year. Oh! don't worry I won't go into any of the details now. This is all about how Mr.Fate blew the hell out of me and how I managed to get off with the longest day of my life. My day kicked of at four in the morning when my mom splashed literary a bucket of cold water on me when six alarms failed to do what she could do. After the early jitters I somehow managed to drag myself out of my bed to attend my CAT class in the wee hours. Well I joined the coaching for CAT only because of my girlfriend. So please don't think I am kind of a geek waking at the wee hours, screaming only one mantra "IIMs". Naaah! Thats certainly not me! To my adversity my bike was puncher ed.So there was I in the roads, and to my luck there was also a bus strike. I stood there begging for lifts sometimes and running around overcrowded autos. Early in the morning these autos still reminded me that my country was indeed over populated. Somehow I finally made it to the class but only to find out the class was completly empty. Not even a microorganism; forget about humans. None of my classmates had showed up that day for some mysterious reasons and so there was a no class. Even Pooja (my girlfriend) didn't show up.
After a hell of a start, i tried to be optimistic by saying to myself "Ok. Sometimes things happen. Don't worry. You still have the whole day". Now I wish i had not said those words. There are times I laughed at people who slipped and fell on the roads; I never knew I was going to be one among them. And finally I tripped on a banana skin and successfully did a la charlie chaplin on the road. With a bruised ankle and a sprain i moved on into the later part of my day; waiting eagerly for the miseries to come. They say crazy things happen to you when you are really screwed up. Now it started raining in a sunny April morning
and I was wet with water and thanks to the humble soul of an auto driver; I bathed in mud. Right at that moment my cellphone rang. "You psycho! How can you be so selfish. Why didn't you wake me up? I didn't make it to the class only and only because of you." Now as you might have guessed that was pooja. I really don't know how many of you do the job of an alarm clock to their girlfriends but I certainly did at times. Now if you were a self respecting man what in the world would you do. I hung up my phone. Then I suddenly realized that "oh! my god now i have real troubles." I called her for a zillion times but she wont talk. They is silence is eternity in a relationship. Had I known that I would have avoided a great deal of troubles. Somehow after hours of persuasion and pleadings finally my highness bestows mercy upon me. And she asks for a date to make up for the loss. Though I didn't even had a penny in my pocket but could I make a choice; sorry certainly not. Back home my mom bowled me over. I was supposed to accompany her to the vegetable market. And she didn't listen to anything I said. Now i had to call up pooja again and say her sorry thousand times, like repeat the whole melodrama all over again. After doing so suddenly my mom announces that we were not shopping vegetables but going for a movie with her friend and her daughter. I wanted to strictly say no but after looking at my mom's friend's daughter, no man would say 'No'. She was so beautiful that suddenly I forgot everything; my troubles, my girlfriend ( oh! believe me only for the time being). But Mr.Fate won't leave me just like that. Oh! he was determined to kill me. I don't know how in the hell such crazy things happen. I was spotted by my very own girlfriend, licking ice cream, having a blast with another girl and mind you a beautiful girl. Oh! My god. Now this was much more that troubles.Women had indeed complicated the situation.
"I should have known. You don't answer my phones. You don't want to go out with me. You don't want to see my face." these were the words pooja screamed upon my face. How much I tried to explain but she was like not even ready to listen. And then she suddenly threw the phone I gifted on her birthday saying "I don't need your damn phone when you don't even want to answer me.And neither you." Now this was the limit. I couldn't bear it anymore. Even i stood up and took the flip modeled moto razor (her phone) and broke it into two. Well actually I didn't intend to but it was there right in front of me in two pieces. There are situations in life when you wish you could be invisible like Mr.India; run from the situation; run from your troubles; and I was looking for the Mr.India gadget. But things had not ended yet. She had to had her revenge and there she was with my dear mobile this time in the mortar below the pestle. Crush and crush and crush. I could see it break into pieces and I couldn't do anything but stand and stare. My heart sank.
"Two hours later I lay on my bed when my best friend calls me. Suddenly I realized that it was his birthday and I didn't even wish him. And eventually I skipped his party. The Vodka party. Damn I never miss them but neither could I go anywhere after what happened. To add to my miseries the power went off on a sumer night keeping me awake till four in the morning. So that was the longest day of my life.

the wake up call

2007-02-16T18:24:00.000+05:30

Three years into my engineering now i wish how it would have been if life had a rewind button jus like my dvd player. how i wish to change everything, rewrite my fate but god won't allow that, not even to his favorite child. u don't screw up ur life in one day, trust me it takes time, like the slow poison killing u slowly. and the worst thing is sometimes u never know what u r up to.
how i felt few yrs ago that i had grown wings, i was a free bird. how happy i was that now there were no one to question me i could do anything i wanted to. how i would announce it to everyone that i was an adult now and how i looked down upon everyone who used to advice me.
Now three yrs later things haven't changed, i am still screwed up, i broke up with people, many think i am arrogant, a complete loser.
How i wish i could scream to them that i am not like that!
But the wake up call was a complete shocker. suddenly i realized that i had stretched the things too far, i had lied to my parents about everything, now it was too late.
The placements were coming and i wasn't eligible, only because i had a backlog.
i know this is not the end of my life but it could have been a better start.
I always think i won't regret anything in my life but i just couldn't. i jus couldn't don a smile at my misery. i couldn't laugh at my stupid life.

I could just wait, for the silver lining, for the things to change at least now.
And HOPE is all that i have!!